Monetigerlily Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Since you gave me good advice before, I thought I'd come back for some more advice. My new (2.5 months) BF and I have a good relationship so far, but my main concern in the fact that neither of us is a big talker. I'm not good at making small talk, so when we talk on the phone (which we do everyday) our convos only last 10-15 minutes each. We talk about our day, what we had for lunch/dinner, etc., minutea of our daily lives. I guess I just feel the need to fill the silences, but I don't know what to say. I wonder if we talk enough. I guess I just don't want the awkward silences to doom our relationship. My mind is always thinking of things to say to him to fend off the gaps in communication. I know most guys aren't big talkers, so I'm trying to keep that fact in mind and not just babble on and on like a chatterbox and drive him away. I'm not naturally chatty either, so both of us are relatively quiet people. We have fun doing activities together, so I guess I'm just trying to quiet my insecure mind. I guess I'm not to the point of comfortable silences yet. I feel like I have to have something to talk about at all times so he doesn't get tired of me. We always have a wonderful time together, I've met his friends and family and we're an exclusive couple, but sometimes the silences bother me. How can I, in the words of Depeche Mode, learn to "enjoy the silence?" I really like him and I know he likes me too (we've told each other that several times!), but I want to be more affectionate with him without smothering him. I want to hug him and hold his hand occasionally. He's not super touchy-feely (neither am I), but an occasional PDA would be welcome! What can we do to improve our affection and communication skills?
Johnny M Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Since you gave me good advice before, I thought I'd come back for some more advice. My new (2.5 months) BF and I have a good relationship so far, but my main concern in the fact that neither of us is a big talker. I'm not good at making small talk, so when we talk on the phone (which we do everyday) our convos only last 10-15 minutes each. We talk about our day, what we had for lunch/dinner, etc., minutea of our daily lives. I guess I just feel the need to fill the silences, but I don't know what to say. I wonder if we talk enough. I guess I just don't want the awkward silences to doom our relationship. My mind is always thinking of things to say to him to fend off the gaps in communication. I know most guys aren't big talkers, so I'm trying to keep that fact in mind and not just babble on and on like a chatterbox and drive him away. I'm not naturally chatty either, so both of us are relatively quiet people. We have fun doing activities together, so I guess I'm just trying to quiet my insecure mind. I guess I'm not to the point of comfortable silences yet. I feel like I have to have something to talk about at all times so he doesn't get tired of me. We always have a wonderful time together, I've met his friends and family and we're an exclusive couple, but sometimes the silences bother me. How can I, in the words of Depeche Mode, learn to "enjoy the silence?" I really like him and I know he likes me too (we've told each other that several times!), but I want to be more affectionate with him without smothering him. I want to hug him and hold his hand occasionally. He's not super touchy-feely (neither am I), but an occasional PDA would be welcome! What can we do to improve our affection and communication skills? No need to do anything. If you're both naturally quiet, there's no need for artificial chattiness. The awkward feeling will pass with time.
New Again Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 This is probably really lame, but I'm not a phone person either. I HATE talking on the phone. So first, I don't think you should take issue with the fact that your phone conversations are 10-15 minutes. That's fine. Why do you feel you need to talk longer than that? I think that's fine to touch base with each other, especially since you're talking every day. Second, since I'm not a phone person, I try to make it a point to watch and/or read the news so that if I run out of things to say there's always something interesting to talk about that I saw on the news or read online. Third, I think as long as you have some kind of hobbies/interests/activities that you participate in or find interesting, you'll probably always have that to talk about as well. Even if it's not something he's interested in, he's interested in you, so he'll enjoy hearing about it (hopefully). I've been with my bf for awhile, and generally we can talk on the phone for 30-60 minutes, no problem (and especially now that we're long distance)...but we still occasionally have awkward silences. Probably mostly it's my fault, because I hate talking on the phone. Anyways...as far as the PDA thing...why don't you just grab his hand once in awhile, or give him a hug or kiss or something? If you're feeling it, just do it!
Ophelia Rue Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Honestly, I detest talking on the phone. My boyfriend and I text each other every night. "Hi...miss you...how was your day...what are you doing...have a good night." Thank God for texting.
Author Monetigerlily Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 I love texting, unfortunately BF hates it!! That's why he calls me everyday. I usually text him to say hi and he calls me right back, LOL! Glad I'm not the only one who finds talking on the phone awkward. I've always hated it, even as a teenager. I guess I just worry that sometimes when we're together I don't have anything to say. I do hug him spontaneously sometimes and this weekend he held my hand while we were walking in the park (awwww!) before dinner so that was sweet. We're in a LDR, so I guess I start to overthink when we're apart and it worries me.
TheLoneSock Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 (edited) I wonder if we talk enough. On the contrary. You may be talking too often, if you don't allow time to miss each other, or for interesting things to happen during your day/week that would provide ammunition for subject matter. It's important to let some anticipation build up. Also, it may have just become routine. Talking everyday for 10-15 minutes, over the same things, and probably around the same time, is truely boring. You need spontanaity, anticipation and above all chemistry. As others have suggested, try texting him. Do it at random times in the day. Send him spicey pics maybe, be creative. But overall it sounds like you guys need a serious injection of romance. The first 3-6 months of a relationship are supposed to a mini honeymoon, fireworks, sizzling chemistry, rip your clothes off passion. If it's like this after only 2.5 months you guys are doing something wrong. Edited October 20, 2009 by TheLoneSock
Author Monetigerlily Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 Our chemistry in the bedroom is amazing! He literally makes my toes curl everytime we're together (whether it be in bed, in the shower, in the jacuzzi or on the living room floor). That's one of the best parts of our relationship.The sex is great, it's just what we do outside of the bedroom that concerns me. I do still text him, but he just calls me back to say hi and see how I am. We had a really great romantic weekend this past weekend and I'm going on vacation with him and his family next weekend, so I think we're doing okay. I definitely want to keep things interesting between us though, I'm enjoying our relationship so far and I want things to keep progressing for us and hopefully we'll have a long-term future ahead. I like this guy a lot and I think he's a keeper, that's why I want to make sure I'm doing things right to ensure a future together.
TheLoneSock Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Sexual chemistry only goes so far. Without substance to carry it forward relationships tend to wither quickly. Personally I couldn't be with a girl unless I didn't mind talking to for 2-3 hours on end late at night, but that's just me. I'm not a big fan of talking on the phone either (in fact I wrote a paper on it for my communications class a couple weeks ago), so when I can do it for a couple hours without thinking twice- I know I'm onto something. If that makes any sense.
MrPlayStationMan Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 I dislike texting more and more because I end up second-guessing myself about what I want to write. In the end it's either too formal and not 'fun' enough, or it's too flirty and the woman thinks I'm just after sex. A phone call is much more spontaneous and if I put my foot in it in a way that needs clarification - then it's a simple case of course-correcting on the fly. Text messages can be especially easy to misinterpret - and that's with native speaking English women, let alone foreigners. I've personally upset / spoiled a handful of potential relationships with some beautiful women this way. In hindsight, I take the opinion that they were either high maintenance or just couldn't deal with my quirky sense of humour. Either way about as compatible as a PlayStation 3 and a XBox 360!
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