My GF and i broke up after 8 years relation.

[snakeye]

Hello

 

I’ve lost my GF 4 weeks back after 8 years relation under one roof , we broke up one week prior to the wedding day , and it was all my faults , we love each other madly but for the pass 2 years I’ve been acting foolishly with her , being distance some times , spending more times with my friends and leaving her behind at home , hurting her feelings and not realizing she is the most precious person in my life, we broke up few times but she always find away to forgive me and come back to my life…she is an angel and I never knew how important she is in my life till I lost her , reason why we broke up is I’ve tried to postponed the wedding day … she was hurt and her mom too, now her mom hates me so much , I’ve tried to speak to her mom to forgive me and give me one more chance but she says no.. my fiancé moved out of the house 10 days back and we are not seeing each other nor talking or sharing messages every since. I’ve asked so many common friends to speak to her and try to bring her back but she refused to speak about the subject, she only comment one thing ( he will never change ) and he doesn’t deserve any more chances ..for one month and while she was still at home she refused to speak a word to me, we’ve been communicating through text messages only , but I’ve tried every possible way to bring her back , I’ve sent her a million messages to forgive me and how sorry I am for what I did to her and that i want one more chance to correct things but she never replied on these messages , she only replies the messages related to the house , the cat and when I have to give her the money to move.. I even have sent her flowers at work many times but she never comment…but I knew from the delivery boy that she sounded happy to have the flower ..

 

Deep inside I know she loves me and she is suffering and what kills me is we didn’t even shared any messages every since she left the house , her last text message to me was ( I left the house , take care ) but i have left her a letter 3 weeks back to read it and that letter has all my explanations , regrets , and essential elements that I promised her to do in our relation to make her happy if I was given one more chance …it’s an 8 pages letter and has everything she needs to hear, I’ve asked her many times if she read it but she says that I will read it only when I leave the house and then we will meet for a coffe ..

 

its been 10 days now every since she left my house and yet i din't get any text message from her or a call saying i read the letter lets meet for a coffe , i know her well , she never break a promise , she promised me many times that we will speak when she reads the letter but till now she didnt give me a sign that she read it.. i saw her 4 days back outside a club with some firends who hates me and dont want us to be together, i was along with a girl but just a friend , she used to be her friend too , she saw me but didnt speak to me , i didnt speak to her either but she was acting as she was happy .

 

she says to one of my frinds that she will never change her mind no matter what

 

Im so confused and lost , I’ve been breathing pain since that day we broke up , I’m not able to concentrate on my work, I think of her every second of the day , I cry her every night in our bed and pray for god every minute of the day to bring her back to my life ,

 

Please what I’m I suppose to do to bring her back ..

Edited October 19, 2009 by snakeye

[I feel so sad]

ok snakeye.. i am by no means an expert but ya are deffo hurting so I just want ya to know theres people here for ya.. the same way I got a response from others who were kind enough to take the time to write a line or two.

 

In a way I was similar to you, with the distance thing, the hangin out with friends etc, me and g/f were only 3 yrs together when i couldn't commit to anything more serious so I was no where near a wedding day, but I'll give my 2 cents based on what i've read, heard, been told.

 

there is a lot of history with you guys, and the 2 yrs of being distant and then calling off the wedding is perhaps a warning signal to her that you are not gonna be the decent, caring, protective, RELIABLE husband she wants. possibly harsh, but potentially true.

 

I have realised this over the last year myself and this is why i find myself in the pain i am following my realisation of what i want in life (when I moved away from the environment that I was in). Its cliché but women want the alpha male, to a point, a kinda mix between strong and sensitive and those whose actions speak louder than words.

 

the pleading and the begging from what I can see and understand from people who've been there will drive her further away. it is not the type of look someone wants to marry, unfortunately for us.

 

as to flowers, girls love getting flowers, I've done it myself in the past, a big bunch of 'sorry' flowers and I get a picture txt of them with xx, still took a month to win her back but there was genuine love on both sides that time.

its a little glimmer that she wanted them, needed them and loves them, but just a glimmer, it is not the basis for taking you back that she needs.

 

as to the letter, maybe she hasn't read it, maybe she has, she always keeps her promises you say, but maybe that letter is something she cannot handle a conversation about right now. Maybe she is examining her feelings to try and understand what it is she really wants from you. Is she being guarded and thinking 'its all a load of words, what if he backs out again on me?' -quite possibly, wouldn't you?

maybe she is seeking the council of her friends and family on it, you say some of her friends don't like you, she will know that too and she will, in clearer moments, take their advice but realise why they are saying what they are saying.

 

ok, as to the fact she seemed happy when you saw her at the club, maybe it was a moment of genuine happiness for her, a joke etc, but remember, when people break up, one rule we all have to follow is, regardless how ya hurting, 'if ya see your ex, look happy and confident'.. possible she read the same books as us? and I don't mean to be smart in saying that,

I spent a lot of time reading into my ex when I saw her and indeed hung out with her over the last 7 months and having done a proper trawl of these types of forums and relationship advice sites, i can tell you with great clarity, she was 'playing the game' for want of a better phrase.

 

its a sucky game, i'll give you that. But.. look, you have given her your reasons, your promises, your understanding of the situation, you have pleaded and begged, you sent flowers, you have some communication about practical matters. Maybe thats all thats needed at the moment. I cannot see what else you can do to be honest. THis may be a situation where she needs time, and a goodly portion of time to get her head straight and see what she wants. This is where someone who may have experienced similar would be better equipped to help.

 

One thing I would advocate, is that IF and I hope it gets to it for you, that you do meet for coffee, be strong, be factual, be confident and be smiling, slightly!. Do not go in tear streaked face, blubbering like a mess, she would be within her rights to stand up and walk out.

 

If you have truly realised what you want and acknowledge what you have done is possibly one of the worst things to do to a girl.. (bearing in mind the wedding prep started for her when she was probably 5 yrs old).. and you are willing to stand up and be a man about it, admit the mistakes, but not argue over them and accept what she has to say in a mature adult manner, then thats the best starting point from here.. in my eyes..

 

I would be delighted for others to step in here and offer further advice, or even rubbish mine.. but theres people here who care, because we are hurting too (if I can speak for a portion of the population)..

 

be strong at the moment, look yourself in the eye and convince yourself what you want, that has to happen before you can convince others.. she will do what she has to do to protect herself and make sure she finds happiness..

[rp123]

There is only one option. NC. Do it now. And wait. THAT is all you should do...........