letinmotion Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 An ex that I dated on and off for nearly 9 months made it back into my life recently and I'm having some serious conflicting feelings. My ex and I had tremendous ups and downs and our relationship by anyone's standards would be considered crazy. I went through a horrible fiasco with prescription drugs that did more harm them good and caused an awful lot of trouble. I no longer take medication thankfully and have been living a normal life. However, while on prescription drugs I was extremely irritable, stressed, angry and not too safe to be around. Im hoping no one will judge me because this isnt who I am as a person and Im normally a very laid-back and non aggressive guy. I never beat my gf but things got out of control in a few arguments that definitely scared her quite a bit. I had a restraining order put against me for 2 weeks but it was dropped. I still hadnt been taken off drugs fully afterwards though and the same scenarios started to occur. A restraining order went up against me for a year. I invited a friend of mine over to drink and socialize with me and my good friends saturday night. She was with my ex gf but it had been so long since i had talk to or seen my ex I said she was welcome as well. Her sister had just been over the previous night so I figured things had calm down quite a bit. Lo and behold, my ex comes over without even flinching. I talked to my ex quite a bit and made a trip with her and a couple other friends to the store to buy some more alcohol and it was overall a pleasant experience for me and im sure her. She texted me to tell me that it was awkward for her to see me but she didnt complain or have anything bad to say. I literally had not heard from her in over 6 months so i was shocked that she was even talking to me. I've moved on in life and have dated other people since then but when I saw her I couldnt help but still feel somewhat in love with her. I dont get like that around any my exes but her and it makes me second guess everything. Im starting to think that maybe things were never over for us in the first place and that we just got caught up in my disaster. I wouldnt jump back into anything for a while but Im pretty confident i'd like to see my ex a bit more but Im not sure how to go about this. A lot has happened yes but we both come from very dramatic and problematic pasts so a lot of our episodes have actually brought us closer together. Shes talking to me but doesnt show any major interest and I wouldnt expect her to so soon but I am at a loss for what I should do and how I should go about my feelings. Please share your advice.
honeypear Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 I am coming at this from her view point and speaking as someone who has had the bf who crossed the line into beating. You scared her and to a certain extend violated a trust. She is probably protecting herself from have feelings for you cos she may be a bit scared still. There is a positive sign that she sent you the text message the next day. Give it time. I am glad to hear you have your issue under control that is a big step for you. Keep working on you as well..dont forget that
Author letinmotion Posted October 19, 2009 Author Posted October 19, 2009 I am coming at this from her view point and speaking as someone who has had the bf who crossed the line into beating. You scared her and to a certain extend violated a trust. She is probably protecting herself from have feelings for you cos she may be a bit scared still. There is a positive sign that she sent you the text message the next day. Give it time. I am glad to hear you have your issue under control that is a big step for you. Keep working on you as well..dont forget that I never beat her up but I had a tendency to throw things and get very angry which frightened her beyond belief. It was completely out of character for me. She says its still weird talking to me and thats shes not quite comfortable yet. I havent pressed anything and have kept a cool and neutral head.
victim_of_love Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Well if you two went out before, I see no reason why you can't bring it up for discussion again. Ask her what would she think about you guys getting back together? Everyone deserves a second chance. For all you know, she may be feeling the exact same way about you that you feel for her, but she is just "scared" you might not have changed. Start by showing her you are a different man. A good way would be to just be open with her about your feelings. Thats my opinion though.
honeypear Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Oh I am not saying you did. Please dont think that.. She is still scared a bit need to give her time to see the person you are now..No doubt you have more traits now that she will come to like. I cant explain to you that fear tht she felt or what I felt. Its there and again its a huge thing she sent you a text trust me if she did not want any kind of a relationship she would have not done that. Try to start slowly try to become friends first.
Author letinmotion Posted October 19, 2009 Author Posted October 19, 2009 Oh I am not saying you did. Please dont think that.. She is still scared a bit need to give her time to see the person you are now..No doubt you have more traits now that she will come to like. I cant explain to you that fear tht she felt or what I felt. Its there and again its a huge thing she sent you a text trust me if she did not want any kind of a relationship she would have not done that. Try to start slowly try to become friends first. Oh my apologies. Im sure if she didnt want some sort of a relationship she would have merely ignored my texts and not come over etc. Im curious to see what other people have to say and if anyone has been in a similar situation please feel free to elaborate.
vanilla87 Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 I can say from prior experience with an ex who was verbally hostile in his communication with me, it's not easy to deal with the person on the other end who started most of it. I was at fault too, mostly cause I manipulated, but only out of defensive moves so I wouldn't be completely crushed by him daily. Anyway, physical, verbal, emotional, or mental abuse of any kind can leave someone to end up a changed person, more so with trust becoming a huge issue. It's been four years and I still can't fully trust men because of my ex bf and how he would treat me. So it's surprising to see that she is calm and collected around you. Most women wouldn't even come in contact with a 10 ft. pole of an ex who actually did anything physical to 'em. That says a lot about her 1) maturity level and 2) her able to reason what actually happened beforehand with the two of you. It takes a lot of courage to be around you after that for her. I commend her for giving you a chance and seeing past some of the superficial past problems that sometimes are considered the "dark cloud" over peoples heads when they see an ex they loved. So take a step back and look at the whole picture: she is attempting to know you again. So that's a good thing, BUT ONLY if you have changed and done a 180 of yourself from the last time, then she might try and be a friend and then way down the road something more, but you have to be changed from that man you once were or she might get paranoid and run away. So let her come to you, but don't let her do all the work, and certainly don't smoother the girl with constantly hitting her up on the phone/IM/etc.. give her space and let her decide if she wants more. But as I see it its progress from the recent hangout you two had. Also don't hang out with her alone yet, she might still look past what happen, doesn't mean she has forgotten any of it....
JL911 Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 Im gonna say this, take it for what its worth... If you get like this on perscription drugs (and im wondering what kind you were on to cause such a violent swing in your mood)....You might not want to be consuming alcohol either...
Recommended Posts