Claire001 Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Hi, I've just joined this site and i need some advice. Ok I have been seeing this guy for over a year and a half (its a long distance relationship in that we are in the same country but opposite ends see each other two maybe three wkends a month). We were chatting recently and the subject got onto ex's and one night stands etc. So even though I had asked this question before (and never gotten a straight answer) I said it was the perfect opportunity to ask + try and find out how many sexual partners my b/f has had. Before i go any further i should tell you now this is a matter which is very close to my heart, i was bought up to believe that you don't sleep with every Tom, Dick or Harry and if you do sleep with someone it's cos there are actual feelings there and they have been there for a while before you jumped into bed. Ok so we were chatting and I asked did you ever have a one night stand? Answer: Yes! Then surprisedly i asked how many? Ans: a few. Ok how many people have you slept with then? Ans (after a long pause): ten or eleven!!! I'm with this man a year and a half and after he telling me he has only had one or two "relationships" then this I was shocked and maybe a bit disgusted. I dont know what to do the past is in the past i know but this threw me i'll be honest. I' m probably old fashioned but to think he has slept with eleven other women (as far as i know) has shown him as a totally different fella to the one i thought i knew.The worst was that he told me one was a work colleague and that it was at a christmas party (before we met) but i think he still might be in contact with her thru work!!! What should i do? I do not have such a colourful past and there is nothing we can do about it I know its just he always lead me to believe he had had a couple of girlfriends and i nievely thought a couple of sexual partners so but this beat all. And that it took him soooo long to tell me i nearly feel he purposely held back on this piece of information. I'm annoyed at him rite now and really don't even want to talk to him for his not having admitted it sooner. But the only answer i got was "well its in the past i can't change it now . . . but i know I'll be dreading this years xmas party if its an over night stay somewhere. Help Where do we go from here some of you might think is she for real past is past and normally i'd agree but this as i say has knocked me for six and if anyone else has ever been in a situation like this i'd appreciate hearing from you.
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 You have to decide whether or not you can love him enough to see past his sexual history. If not, break up with him. And next time you get into a relationship, since this is so important to you, refuse to have sex until you have a number. *shrug* But I guess if you ARE willing to look past this and move on.... Yes, if he says she's in the past, she's in the past. How does you knowing about it now change whether or not he's honest and loyal to you? Has he ever shown a propensity to cheat? I mean, obviously he didn't tell you an exact number because you let him get away with that. But I wouldn't say that makes him a straight-up dog of a liar. People will try to get away with telling you as little as possible to make themselves look better - ESPECIALLY if they are romantically interested in you. C'mon, now. Other than THIS...has he given you ANY reason to doubt his word? IME - real men don't stick it in anything female just because the opportunity presents itself. If he has shown he is loyal and he's a good man in general and he's in love with you, then yes - it's over. Quit worrying about some chick he slept with once.
BookerT Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Yeah Soulsearch said it well. Since you didn't ask it wasn't his responsibility to tell, because most people consider number of previous partners a private matter they don't reveal unless a partner asks, and then they reveal it if they trust the partner. Also, just because he's had one night stands doesn't make him a bad partner. What makes him a bad partner is if he cheats and flip flops around, doesn't like commitment, lies, etc. Btw, his count isn't all that high for this day and age.
Author Claire001 Posted October 19, 2009 Author Posted October 19, 2009 Yes you are right. I did ask tho and he pussy footed around the subject so he would not have to answer my question. He was not straight with me but I suppose your rite I let him get away with that and he must trust me if he is finally giving me a straight answer. I know its not a high count but its higher than he lead me to think it would be from what he has talked about over time. Thanks anyway!
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