4givrnt4gtr Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 (edited) So Im writing mostly to vent but i do have a question for you lovely people dealing with the disaster after a break up. When will the irritating, out of nowhere, flashbacks end? I went away this weekend with my family, went to a birthday party and I swear every so often I would go into these flashbacks of me being with my ex at a family reunion we went not too long before we broke up. It hurt me to be there, to see the couple, especially this one, because the guy had similar race as my ex, the girl seemed so happy, same race as me (me and my ex were different race). It somehow felt like i was watching me and my ex, back then. I missed him so much. Then, today i was with a friend and as it happens i saw things that reminded me of things we did together, it made me sad and it made me wish for him. There were random things, like a coffee maker, which remind me of when he used to make a special coffee for me. He bought a special machine, special coffee and asked me to come by because he really wanted me to try out this coffee (im a coffee addict). Funny thing is that although it reminded me of him it didnt make me terribly sad....it kinda felt like it did when he first moved. Like I was sad he wasnt around but i knew i would see him eventually and be with him again. I dont like that feeling because I know thats never going to happen. Im never going to be with him again. My head knows it but my feelings refuse to get there. I wonder if somehow i step back into denial....i dont understand. Later I broke NC....no i didnt actually contact him. I managed to check his facebook. A girl I knew liked him and have been very close to for a while posted something on his page. He knows she likes him because, well i told him when we were together. It was so very obvious to me, he didnt see it. In any case, he replied to her in a very flirtatious way. It made my stomach hurt. (I know I know thats what i get for breaking NC) At the same time it solidify what i already knew...its over. He is moving on, as he should, despite of what I might want. Yet, even though it made me a bit quezzy, i still didnt get super upset.... Bassically, my emotions are all over the place. Between feeling like we are not over, to not even being upset at him flirting with a girl that likes him, to me not even wanting him back, to then feeling like innevitably we will get back together, to then feeling stupid cuz THAT cant happen.... to then be upset because obviously he could care less....to then ughhh guhhgg soo many things all at the same time!!!!!! Sorry for the rambling....im just irritated and hope someone can help me make sense of whats going on and why i feel so weirdly Edited October 19, 2009 by 4givrnt4gtr
Tamia78 Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Ugh. I'm feeling all those emotions as well. Well, we're not weird, just to let you know. It's a part of the healing process. I want him back soooo much, but my head is telling me that it's just going to re-cycle back and he'll probably end up breaking up with me yet again, because he has issues. Not to mention my family and friends will kick my butt if I ever went back to him again. It's hard to see someone you loved move on without you. I know I thought the reason we were together is because he couldn't move on without me. It hurts to know he can. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to be mad. You felt that you would see him again, so naturally it kinda hit you when you read his fb. The final "nail in the coffin" so to speak. Anyways, I commend you for not feeling too upset when you read the fb and all. I'm not sure I can be that strong, lol. Sounds like you're well on your way to recovery. --T
MrFun Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 When will the irritating, out of nowhere, flashbacks end? Never. But eventually they won't make a difference to the way you're feeling. Those things you remember really happened. You can not forget that, but one day they won't be important at all. Just something that happened once. Hold tight, that day is coming...
GrayClouds Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Sorry for the rambling.... Rambling is my thing, so stop it;) im just irritated and hope someone can help me make sense of whats going on and why i feel so weirdly It is simple, you are going through a break-up. If fact there is actually a chemical reaction that happen when we experience a loss. It puts the mind in panic mode so it is constantly looking for clues and patterns to find comfort by stimulating the amygdala (place were memories are stored. These flashback is its way of saying "I know this place it was safe" so it is drawn to it. As a result it is easy to break NC because it feels like moving to a safe place. Then mind gets sucker punched. Until it learn differently. This can painfully happen by repetition or less painfully but contentiously talking to yourself to remind the brain this is not the right path. So who is going to be in charge; that peanut part of a brain called anygdala or the big rational part?
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