Thebob Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 When do you all feel it is best to start dating again and trying to find another GF/BF?, So that you can be 100% committed to that other person? Cause I'm at a point that I honestly don't think I can never not compare another girl to my ex, and I really don't want to have a rebound relationship because they never work and it's not fair. What type of mindset should you have before you start dating again and looking for that special someone? Expert opinions please. And I am just worried if you are dating someone and they ask about your ex's that you been with that memories will start flying out again. Thanks, Thebob
EricaH329 Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Personally, the first couple of weeks after me and my ex broke up, that's all I could do. Compare other guys to him. But i've completely changed my mind set. I'm beginning to change myself, to better myself. Along with that, comes the difference in what I used to be attracted to... and what I now want to be attracted to. I doubt that helps you any, but I thought I would share my story.
ATR Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Good question... i guess the real answer is, when you're ready. I had been feeling the same as you ~8months ago. I decided to start dating, each one of them failed. I was still hung up over the ex, when i was meeting these new girls i didn't see them for who they were. I guess the best way to describe how i saw them was my ex with a disguise on? Anyway, obviously things went way too fast as i was trying to take off were me and my ex had left off. Obviously after each one failed i thought to myself "I'm a friggin' idiot, i'll never find anyone better". So i decided to stay single, learn to love myself again. Now i've got a date which i feel ready for, 10months after the break up (though i could have gone on one sooner i reckon). My answer is pretty much, go for it, have fun. If it works it works, if it doesnt then the hell with it. Enjoy being single!!
dianna Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 I had a date 3 months after my break-up and it went wrong, the kissing was bad, gah .I was comparing him with my ex. Then I've met another man( he asked my number) who looks almost like him ( but different personality ) and I feel butterflies in my stomach.Of course, today I have another date with him and I just want to stay in bed and feel sorry for myself ..lol.. The thing is that you feel ready but when you are actually dating you see that you are not ready at all .
deadboy666 Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 im going on a date this week with someone i met online. im just going to have fun and see what happens. im not over my ex in the least bit and am not ready to settle down for a very long time, but i might as well try and have some fun inbetween feeling shi.tty
Odyssey Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 I honestly don't think I can never not compare another girl to my ex You'll get there, when your ex don't consume your thoughts all the time and when you accept, there are other people who will appreciate you. Don't get me wrong, i don't think i will ever forget about my exes. But they're just memories like everything else.
JL911 Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 I wondered the same thing for a long time. I encouraged myself to get out...I ended up sleeping around a bit and it set me back since I was comparing. Finally one morning I just woke up and flat out didnt care so much anymore. About a month ago I met someone. Shes something else and quite different than the others I have dated or been in a relationship with. She just seems to get where I am coming from and doesnt expect a ton out of me or feel the need to call me everyday or text me every 10min. Shes good on her own and even better with me. Ive always felt that I have kinda been suckered into a relationship after multiple sexual encounters and the other person wanting more than just what it was at the time. I guess it was just easier that way so I went with it. This one is different...I kinda want it...odd...lol So I guess the answer to the question is...You'll Know...In some way, shape, or form you'll know...And you will move on to someone who is nothing like your ex, but that is usually the best thing about them...
DustySaltus Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Take your time, here's a summary of my dates: Date #1. Two weeks after I got back met someone who was in a similar situation a me. The date went ok but it was more of "companionship" than anything else. #2. Met a girl online (new for me) and she was about 30 pounds heavier and 10 years older than her picture. From now on I am going to make a girl take a picyure with today's newspaper and send it to me...to verify these things. The date lasted about 11 minutes. #3. Had dinner reservations in Central Park, she never showed up. She never called me to explain what happened but about a week later her boyfriend called me to ask who I was, so that pretty much cleared everything up for me. #4. Dinner was great until she told me that Jesus came back as a Korean woman in 1948 and lived there until 1975. Oh and the world will end in 2011 but she would like kids in the next five years....go figure. #5. See #2. The girl had more makeup on than a KISS concert. Very intelligent but obviously not honest with me. #6. Girl was a sweeheart, I will go out with her again. #7. Girl was a sweetheart but a little too demanding right off the bat. #8.Girl would not let me walk her home after the second date but in the meantime we were making out and she sent me provocative pictures of herself. I have to admit that I dropped the ball on this one (although it probably would've been nothing more than a fling). I got angry with her and kind of picked up where I left off with my EX. Let's just say I deleted her # already. #9. Girl keeps texting me for about 2 months and we have yet to go on a date. Plus she has baby daddy drama.... I'm taking a break after all of this....I need to heal on my own terms and you do as well. My situation was a mess but one day we will both look back at this and laugh. You're not the only one suffering, you'll be ok.
Soul Bear Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Personally, the first couple of weeks after me and my ex broke up, that's all I could do. Compare other guys to him. But i've completely changed my mind set. I'm beginning to change myself, to better myself. Along with that, comes the difference in what I used to be attracted to... and what I now want to be attracted to. That's a perfect way of putting it!
Author Thebob Posted October 19, 2009 Author Posted October 19, 2009 Thanks, for the stories all, they are very helpful. I am the type of guy that wants to give it 100% to the next girl. I am trying to turn a new leaf from one night stands to a long term relationship. Starting off 0-1 kinda is throwing my mindset off cause it took me forever to find a girl like my EX. So I'm just trying to find great advice so I know that it is fair for my new dating partner, and that it feels right for me. Like honestly, I am kinda scared to get out there again cause I know that it won't be the same. I guess i'm not close to ready, but I been in NC for 1 month and a couple weeks, so I should be there soon.
rainbowsandkittens Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 lmao at dusty's date #4. it's a month today since my ex and i broke up. i keep feeling like i'm ready to date but then i'll peruse a dating site online and forget it. i just know i can't. though it would be nice to go on a date- get all dressed up, the anticipation. etc. one of my friends is adament that i'm not ready. i recently took a class and there were very few women so i started hanging out with a few of the guys. they're all younger than me but it's nice to have single straight male friends. all my guy friends are gay and all my femaile friends are married, pretty much. one of the guys did come over late saturday night and we hung out. i don't think it's romantic but it's nice to flirt and have fun. i'm seriously missing my ex today so it's hard to imagine being with anyone else though i really really really want to be.
Gypsy_Soul Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Take your time, here's a summary of my dates: Date #1. Two weeks after I got back met someone who was in a similar situation a me. The date went ok but it was more of "companionship" than anything else. #2. Met a girl online (new for me) and she was about 30 pounds heavier and 10 years older than her picture. From now on I am going to make a girl take a picyure with today's newspaper and send it to me...to verify these things. The date lasted about 11 minutes. #3. Had dinner reservations in Central Park, she never showed up. She never called me to explain what happened but about a week later her boyfriend called me to ask who I was, so that pretty much cleared everything up for me. #4. Dinner was great until she told me that Jesus came back as a Korean woman in 1948 and lived there until 1975. Oh and the world will end in 2011 but she would like kids in the next five years....go figure. #5. See #2. The girl had more makeup on than a KISS concert. Very intelligent but obviously not honest with me. #6. Girl was a sweeheart, I will go out with her again. #7. Girl was a sweetheart but a little too demanding right off the bat. #8.Girl would not let me walk her home after the second date but in the meantime we were making out and she sent me provocative pictures of herself. I have to admit that I dropped the ball on this one (although it probably would've been nothing more than a fling). I got angry with her and kind of picked up where I left off with my EX. Let's just say I deleted her # already. #9. Girl keeps texting me for about 2 months and we have yet to go on a date. Plus she has baby daddy drama.... I'm taking a break after all of this....I need to heal on my own terms and you do as well. My situation was a mess but one day we will both look back at this and laugh. You're not the only one suffering, you'll be ok. This is all the reasons why I can't stand dating. I didn't ask for this.
howcouldInotknow Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Take your time. I dated a separated man we met about 18 months after his separation began and dated for over a year and he still went back to her. I think he began dating too soon. It can be devastating for the other person
Toki Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Dating is awful... just awful. You'll know when you're ready... I'm still somewhere in the part where slicing open my eyelids with a rusty spoon would be a preferable alternative.
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