mendsley Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Well here I go, my wife left me a little more than a year ago for another man and it has been a rough ride. I have gone thru alot of emotions based on what she is doing, pathetic I know. Tonight my son call and tells me about his weekend. He said he went to the river with his mom and his moms "new" guy friend. I knew this day was coming and I tried to prepare for this day, but it has hit me pretty hard. Many things are running thru my head, but I am not gonna call her and act stupid, we are split up and I dont expect her to be single because that is what I want. I guess this is more of a vent session than anything. My head is just filled of what they could be doing (sex) and now I have to worry that he treats my son good. I feel like crap right now and I have no one to talk to any advice on how to help get over this would be great, thanks.
BW007 Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 I get it. It sucks. Bad. My advice is this.. Be a grown up. It is over and since you have a son in the mix you can't just go completely away so focus only on your kid and try to move on quickly to teach him how an adult copes with loss and bad times and turns it around. Figure out how to make your life happy again because your pain will not fix anything. I went through the same thing and have been suffering pretty badly to so I empathize. Just recover and keep your life positive.
contax Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 I feel your pain. It must be hard if your son is involved. She's no good. Just try to focus on what's most important right now. Get some sleep or something. I'm n/c for 6 months with my ex for the same reason as you just no kid involved. My brain thinks the same. I just know that being with someone who doesn't love you as much as you love them will not work. It's gonna be great when you find the right and beautiful girl that will love you..and this current one she's in now breaks.
Author mendsley Posted October 19, 2009 Author Posted October 19, 2009 Thanks for replying, I know that she is no good and I know she has to move on with her life. It is an emotion that I knew that would come and to be glad i'm glad it's finally here. It felt like someone is gonna punch you and you flinch with every move they make, but you feel a sense of relief after its over. Sorry that is the only way I could explain it. I am gonna focus on my son right now and do what BW007 mentioned, good advice. I am down but I know I will get back up, but *** I hate this feeling, AGAIN!
tVII Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 I am down but I know I will get back up, but *** I hate this feeling, AGAIN! i like how you said again...im going thru a similar situation, definitely not as hard as yours. but i understand. feels like a relapse. im following the advice ppl gave me and thats start dating again. if she could do it, you can.
Author mendsley Posted October 19, 2009 Author Posted October 19, 2009 God I hate this, I just found out when I wrote my post, and my mind is freakin out. These thoughts are killing me, I have already went on a bike ride and do things that will help me from thinking about her and him. The thing I keep thinking about is I am dreading going to sleep, I can't control my thoughts when I sleep and since this is a mental crisis I know this is what I am going to dream about. I feel so childish, I can't believe I am so hurt right now. Like I said I knew this was coming, I have this hurt/anger feeling right. I am not going to do anything but feel the pain which is good cause I have some **** to tell her.
tVII Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 if you speak to her DONT START CONFLICT. it won't progress anything it can only make it worse. its probably the worst thing you can do.
Author mendsley Posted October 19, 2009 Author Posted October 19, 2009 Yeah I agree, talking her and saying things to just piss her off is not a good idea. I have told myself that I am not going to talk to anyone just my closest friend. I dont even know what to say to her now. We have always been nice and friendly to each other. To be honost I will still be friendly with her, but things are gonna be different. The thing is we are still married, she left me for another man 12 months ago and told me she wanted a divorce, but I said I will pay for it. I have been sitting on filing cause I was hoping she would snap out of her decision and come back to me, I guess I need to put a move on it now. I don't deserve what is happening to me, no one deserves this. What is really wierd is as soon as I heard that she is now seeing another man I instantly thought "I hope it fails and she realizes that she needs to be with me" ****ing pathetic!
tVII Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 how is feeling like this pathetic? its human. everyone feels what your feeling. you're not alone.
Author mendsley Posted October 19, 2009 Author Posted October 19, 2009 True, I guess when something happens to you that shakes your world you tend to think you are all alone in this. I know I am not the only one to feel this way, and I'm glad people here share and talk to others about thier experiences. Well the ex called me this morning cause as soon as they all got back from the fun filled weekend with the "new guy" my son called, who is 9, and wanted to tell me about it. But it hit me like a ton of bricks that she was seeing someone and I went quite, and he picked up that something was wrong. The ex said he was sad when he got off the phone cause he didnt know what was wrong with me. I am glad she called to let me know this, he is the most important thing in my life right now and I have only one chance to make a good impression on him. After thinking back on what happened I should of not acted that way, I should of sucked it up and not let my emotions in the way of him telling me how fun his weekend was. I know I need to explain to him that what happened was not cause of him, and the reason I was sad is because I still have feelings for his mom. Im not sure if that is a good way to approach this, any feedback on how someone would do it would be appreciated. She also asked how I felt about her seeing someone. I told her the truth, I was hurt, slept for a ****ing hour last night and it was my problem I felt like this not hers. I told her why I have been sitting on filing and that she hurt me pretty bad. After I was fininshed I told he is a lucky guy to have her and I wish the best and got off. I do feel allot better after telling how I really felt, I really feel like I needed thios event to move on. I am very serious about filing divorce and focus all this energy on my son, and not on her any more.
tVII Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 calls for a congratulations! you talking to your ex better than i would had...
lucy9216 Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 I really feel for you, this is a crappy situation that you have to go through.... I wish I could give you some advice but you are actually further ahead with the break up then I am.... It has been 6 months since he left me and he is not seeing anyone yet and we do have two kids together which he sees everyweekend.. when there are kids involved it seems to be harder, it's like you start to do good by the end of that week the crying is starting to subside and then I have to see him that saturday and after he leaves I always end up crying again and the same goes for when I get the kids back the following day. How are you handling having to see her when it comes time for visiting with your son? and I do like how you mentioned: "It felt like someone is gonna punch you and you flinch with every move they make, but you feel a sense of relief after its over. Sorry that is the only way I could explain it." I will do my best to remember this when the day comes that I have to face this.
Author mendsley Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 This morning she sent me a text asking if I was okay. I did'nt respond so she sent another one saying that she still thinks as me as part of her family and she is concerned with how I feel. So I felt like I needed to say something and what I told her was. I thanked her for her concern and I told her how hard it was for me to accept that she can and is moving on with her life. I told her this last year has been the most difficult thing I have ever had to deal with. I constantly think and dream about her. I finished off by telling her that I think the best thing is to only contact each other if it concerns the children. I feel like I need this so I can finally move on with my life, but I also feel like I should not of said that. I do hope it is what I need to move on.
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