Jerry18 Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Hi, I hope I'm posting in the right section. I asked a girl out a few days ago and I was rejected. I did like her a lot and was her classmate for several classes (we're in university). So I decided to ask her out and she gave me three main reasons for not going out with me: 1. She said I didn't really like her because I told her that she's beautiful. She said that since we didn't hang out very much, then I probably only likes her looks. I don't understand this because I don't feel that I should be ashamed for liking her looks. Also, I thought dates are suppose to be the time when you get to know each other. I don't think it's fair for her to think that I like her only for her looks when I haven't had an opportunity to go on a date with her. 2. She also said that she doesn't want to go on dates or get a boyfriend right now. I also find that reason to be just something she’s saying to make me feel better. I’m not asking her to devote her life me, rather, I’m just asking for maybe a few hours of her week. Plus, we can just meet on campus for coffee which probably takes less than 10 minutes. 3. She said that it’s better for us to just be friends. I find this weird as well. From #1 she said that we don’t know each other well enough, so why should we be friends? Also, I find it weird that a girl who doesn’t like me would still want me to be her friend. Well, I hope people can give me some advice or opinions. I just want to know if it would be better in the future to hang out more with the girl before asking her out. It would be great if you can give me your thoughts on my analysis of her reasons. Thanks. P.S: I don't think I can like her anymore after the rejection so I'm not looking for advice to salvage this relationship. I want advice for the future.
Art_Critic Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Jerry.. it sounds like she just wasn't/isn't interested in you.. that is all... By the way.. never tell a woman how beautiful she is before you have a date.. You in reality don't even know her yet and she could be the worst person in the world after you get to know her.. So telling her she is beautiful right off means you just like her ass..
Author Jerry18 Posted October 19, 2009 Author Posted October 19, 2009 By the way.. never tell a woman how beautiful she is before you have a date.. You in reality don't even know her yet and she could be the worst person in the world after you get to know her.. So telling her she is beautiful right off means you just like her ass.. Ok. I think I should learn to not say what I think. Because at that time, I sort of know what kind of person she is, but I don't know for sure. So what should I say instead of saying I like her looks? Because that's the only thing I know for sure.
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 (edited) Sounds like She Just Isn't That Into You. Just like I'd say to anyone else - move on to someone that's worth your time. Sure, it sucks to be rejected, but you can find someone better. For starters? Someone that's into you. Generally, I wouldn't expect a guy to tell me he likes my looks before we've even been on a date together. That seems a little strange. OBVIOUSLY he likes my looks, or he wouldn't be asking me out. Do you think any guy makes a habit of asking out women they think are dogs? I hope you didn't tell her, "Nice shoes." LOL Edited October 19, 2009 by SoulSearch_CO
bac Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Take it easy, she is very young and young girls do reject most of the guys who apply to. It is normal, she just prefers to reject doubtful guys and be safe.
boogieboy Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Jerry I'll tell you what you did wrong. You have to get to know her a little bit BEFORE asking her out. If you see her in class, thats the opportunity to get to know her. Talk to her about class, funny things, the news, whatever, but you want her to feel that you find her interesting BEFORE asking her out. You want her to find YOU interesting before you ask her out. You need to showcase your personality and get her to the point of hinting that she wants to ask you out. (they'll rarely ask you out straight up) You cant just walk up to her tell her shes beautiful and then say "lets go for coffee". She wants to know that she earned your compliments - with her personality-get it? She wants to know she is cool to hang around, but you cant find that out until you hang with her for a lil bit. (almost like an impromptu date) She doesnt want to feel like her looks is the main reason you are talking to her. You have to approach her as if you just want to see what shes like, and that her looks dont mean anything to you. Then you "happen" to discover - Oh! shes cool AND pretty! Make sure you dont ask her any personal questions about herself until she asks you about you. if you keep hitting her with questions, she will feel like its the 3rd degree. Just keep talking about things and being charming. Also know that not every girl will like you, you will have to put in time with any girl you talk to, and not all of them will want to go out with you afterwards.
Author Jerry18 Posted October 19, 2009 Author Posted October 19, 2009 that I should get to know her more before asking her out. That's actually very different from what I had in mind before. I used to think that the purpose of a date is where you talk about your interests. I guess that's not true. Another implication is that it's pretty much impossible to date a girl after meeting her for the first time if you have to "get to know her". Maybe I watch too many Hollywood movies.
boogieboy Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 that I should get to know her more before asking her out. That's actually very different from what I had in mind before. I used to think that the purpose of a date is where you talk about your interests. I guess that's not true. Another implication is that it's pretty much impossible to date a girl after meeting her for the first time if you have to "get to know her". Maybe I watch too many Hollywood movies. Yeah, dont rely on movies, they are completely opposite of reality. The purpose of a date is to decide if you are compatible and to test the waters. Thats why a woman has to feel safe with you first before you ask her out. Try it a couple times and come back with your results.
Johnny M Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 (edited) Here's a quick translation: 1) She thinks you're a desperate loser. What exactly is the point of telling her that she's beautiful? To inform her of that fact in case she doesn't know? Newsflash: she does know. If she's indeed a hot girl, chances are she gets complimented on her looks every day. To give her a confidence boost? She doesn't not need that either, as she's already spoiled by constant male attention and considers herself a "diva". You see, by telling her that she's beautiful, you achieve the exact opposite of what you intended: instead of pleasing pleasing her, you make her feel contemptuous. Do not EVER tell a good-looking girl that she's beautiful. You may compliment her on her choice of clothing or fashion accessories, but I repeat, DO NOT EVER comment on her beauty. If you do that, you might as well get a 12 gauge and shoot yourself in the foot with a magnum round. The only time a compliment of that kind works is when you're dealing with an ugly or average looking girls who never get complimented by other men. 2) She's not attracted to you. 3) She's not attracted to you. Edited October 19, 2009 by Johnny M
lab_brat Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 (edited) Do not EVER tell a good-looking girl that she's beautiful. You may compliment her on her choice of clothing or fashion accessories, but I repeat, DO NOT EVER comment on her beauty. If you do that, you might as well get a 12 gauge and shoot yourself in the foot with a magnum round. The only time a compliment of that kind works is when you're dealing with an ugly or average looking girls who never get complimented by other men. Oh puh-lease!!!!! Yeah, act like you think she's ugly. That'll work. Seriously, what do you think is going through her mind... 'wow, he thinks i'm unattractive... thats so hot'???? I hate this sentiment - she looks a certain way, ergo, she's a vain diva. But, yes, generally you get to know someone better before asking them out. Edited October 19, 2009 by lab_brat
bac Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Jerry I'll tell you what you did wrong. You have to get to know her a little bit BEFORE asking her out. If you see her in class, thats the opportunity to get to know her. Talk to her about class, funny things, the news, whatever, but you want her to feel that you find her interesting BEFORE asking her out. You want her to find YOU interesting before you ask her out. You need to showcase your personality and get her to the point of hinting that she wants to ask you out. (they'll rarely ask you out straight up) You cant just walk up to her tell her shes beautiful and then say "lets go for coffee". She wants to know that she earned your compliments - with her personality-get it? She wants to know she is cool to hang around, but you cant find that out until you hang with her for a lil bit. (almost like an impromptu date) She doesnt want to feel like her looks is the main reason you are talking to her. You have to approach her as if you just want to see what shes like, and that her looks dont mean anything to you. Then you "happen" to discover - Oh! shes cool AND pretty! Make sure you dont ask her any personal questions about herself until she asks you about you. if you keep hitting her with questions, she will feel like its the 3rd degree. Just keep talking about things and being charming. Also know that not every girl will like you, you will have to put in time with any girl you talk to, and not all of them will want to go out with you afterwards. That is 100% true.
CaliGuy Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 3. She said that it’s better for us to just be friends. When a woman/girl says this to you, it's already over. By a long shot. And don't be friends with her until you're seriously dating someone else, if you even want a friendship.
Johnny M Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Oh puh-lease!!!!! Yeah, act like you think she's ugly. That'll work. Seriously, what do you think is going through her mind... 'wow, he thinks i'm unattractive... thats so hot'???? I hate this sentiment - she looks a certain way, ergo, she's a vain diva. But, yes, generally you get to know someone better before asking them out. Where did I say anything about "acting like you think she's ugly"??? Reading and comprehension, my friend. There are many ways of indicating your interest without doing the whole "you are so beautiful, I'm not worthy" spiel. It's like approaching a scientist who just won the Nobel prize and telling him that you think he's really smart. Duh!! For some people, receiving compliments is part of their daily routine....you won't impress them by telling them how awesome they are. And it is a fact of life that women who get tons of attention from men have an inflated sense of self-worth (ditto for men who receive a lot of attention from women). It's just human nature.
OpenGL Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Horrible advice in this thread, jeez, no wonder so many guys have problems on here. Her rejecting you have absolutely nothing to do with you know getting to know her. You get to know her AFTER you get her 1 on 1 in a date setting, such as a coffee date. She rejected you because of your looks. Period. She wasn't physically attracted to you. But so what? Fck her, she missed the boat. Who cares, move on, there are plenty of other girls on there.
Zaraki Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Damn! That was probably the worst thing you said. Even I know not to give a beautiful girl a direct compliment before I even dated her. If you want to give a compliment, do it indirectly. Like, make fun of her or something and then balance it out with a compliment. The sudden making fun of her will throw her off because she will probably not be used to it and then recover it with a compliment. Even I know that... and I suck at this too.
Author Jerry18 Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 Horrible advice in this thread, jeez, no wonder so many guys have problems on here. Her rejecting you have absolutely nothing to do with you know getting to know her. You get to know her AFTER you get her 1 on 1 in a date setting, such as a coffee date. She rejected you because of your looks. Period. She wasn't physically attracted to you. But so what? Fck her, she missed the boat. Who cares, move on, there are plenty of other girls on there. That was my original hypothesis. Here's something I don't understand... If I say I like her looks then I must be a very shallow person. But, if I say I like her personality or some other non-physical trait then suddenly I've become an angel in her eyes. People like Bernie Madoff might have the charisma to say a lot of charming things, but that doesn't tell you anything about their personality. Liking someone's pick-up line is no less shallow than liking their looks. I think I definitely could've said something a bit different, maybe just asking her out instead of giving her the reason. But I think whether she likes me or not has nothing to do with the few sentences I used to ask her out.
seibert253 Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Jerry.. it sounds like she just wasn't/isn't interested in you.. that is all... By the way.. never tell a woman how beautiful she is before you have a date.. You in reality don't even know her yet and she could be the worst person in the world after you get to know her.. So telling her she is beautiful right off means you just like her ass.. The critic is right. The beautiful thing, she doesn't see you as a challenge but a pushover. Women want a challenge. They want confidence. Best thing you could've done when she first said no was say "OK", then walked away. Then become a little distant. Cordual, "Hi, how you doin', good to see you", then divert you attention elseware, or the, "it's good to see you", then go do something else, or talk to someone else. Gotta leave them guessing.
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