NSW768 Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 wow. what a ride. im up 1 minute and then so down the next. im better off without her, and then im wondering how ill live without her. so sad and lonely, then happy i guess or maybe just distracted. got an email from her this week and its messing with my head. i think its so hard because im getting over her and that makes me sad also because then i have nothing to do with anymore? i cant handle that... im just venting but that last sentence i think sums it all up. wow just wow. so sad hanging out with my friends and their so's today watching football and im there by myself. everyone telling me im better of while they hold each other. so lonely and lost right now. where is my life? now i moved home and changed my job. for her. wow she didnt change anything for me. so confused and hurt. idk what to think right now.
Author NSW768 Posted October 19, 2009 Author Posted October 19, 2009 (edited) i think what really going on is im scared. not to be without her, but to do something with my life, as i enjoyed the comfort of us and the life we had. and now i have no comfort but a sick feeling in my stomach. i still having sleeping and eating problems. my life is just so lame right now. and i know i need to make it cool again. but **** man, that was my girl. we did everything together. i had to watch my cousin get proposed to today. im so hurt and still waiting for her? idk but not really i feel incomplete. nevermind. the rollercoater continues. now i feel good. no responses necessary, just needed to vent Edited October 19, 2009 by NSW768
Northwesthunny Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 you not the only one here, everyone feels like this! Im nearly 4 month down the line and still having my up and down days. Im stil crying myself to sleep at night but then other days i think why should i be sad he was the one that didnt realise what he had with me. Guess that just the process of it all
Author NSW768 Posted October 19, 2009 Author Posted October 19, 2009 today sucks. i feel like ****. guess cause its beautiful out and im sitting in my house alone. im mystified at what happened. still mystified. how could this person i love just change? people change i guess. whats really bumming me out is my cousin giving me a pep talk last night. he is about 4 years older and explained a story about him breaking up with his gf in college. how he was distraught. how he made the same mistakes as me. how he walked around like a zombie for 6 months. and then how he won. how he moved on, got a great career and forgot about her. got married. and then one day the ex calls and wants to see him before her wedding night. of course he says no, and realizes he doesnt care, but thats when he realizes he won. and its all abut winning i guess. also when he looked at me and said, first thing you gotta do is realize "ITS OVER" also his story took place in college and his gf was only of 1 year. im 25 and was on 3.5. he said once she cheated last year (kissed another guy and told me right away) that that thread would eventually destroy us. and i think it did.
quarterlifecrisis Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Man I can relate. Ups and downs. I was on a great streak until she messaged me out of the blue 2 days ago. We didn't talk about anything really - I basically acted cool and disinterested. But just like your email, it sets you off in an emotional way. It's terrible. Up until today I felt like I was all the way back to ground zero. All the pain came bubbling up. Guess we just need to treat it as them subconsciously clawing out to see if we still care about them even if they have no interest in being with us again. It may be not intentional, but it's still selfish on their parts. Gotta ignore it unless they take real, measurable steps to say they want to reconcile. Otherwise it's just BS. But tonight, I feel like a champ! Let's see what happens tomorrow.
Author NSW768 Posted October 19, 2009 Author Posted October 19, 2009 i mean in all honesty the email made me feel kinda good. not because it gave me hope, but the last convo we had i said not to contact me anymore. the fact that she did, means well she selfish, but also still cares. also i didnt respond and finally had the upper hand on the indifference scale. just lonely today.
NoneoftheAbove Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 i mean in all honesty the email made me feel kinda good. not because it gave me hope, but the last convo we had i said not to contact me anymore. the fact that she did, means well she selfish, but also still cares. also i didnt respond and finally had the upper hand on the indifference scale. just lonely today. I feel your pain man. It sucks not to be with the one you love. This roller coaster will one day come to a complete stop, hang in there bud. Im here if you need to talk.
Yashy Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Dude, I feel for you. It's a damn ****er to have the one you loved so much leave you like that. So many on here have had the same situation and it isn't nice. The one and only way is to 'win' but in your own way. Be better than you were ever before, that's the way to win. Focus on you.
Author NSW768 Posted October 19, 2009 Author Posted October 19, 2009 thanks, and none of the above i appreciate the outreach. just took a nice long autumn walk. feel refreshed. wondering how she could do this and why consumes me. and i have to let go of that. 17 days NC
Eisenhower Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 You're going through exactly what we all do, my friend. Mystified that someone could change, wondering why they didn't want to try to work it out rather than just give up, trying to figure out why they could love you intensely one day, then just not. It's a mess, but we all go through it. one thing that makes me feel a little better is to look at people when I'm out and realize that most if not every single one of them has had their heart broken too. It's part of being human. It's as natural as being in love; it's just the painful side of life. Myself, I wonder how I'll ever be able to trust a girl who looks me in the eye and says she wants to be mine forever, now that I've had one say that and then change. But you know what, this pain is what makes love all the more sweet when we do feel it. So, I guess my point is, you're not alone, you're just human. Hang in there. Eisenhower
Author NSW768 Posted October 19, 2009 Author Posted October 19, 2009 (edited) the lows are certainly not as low. the highs are getter higher. moments of weakness are less, but still frequent. the words she used keep scrolling through my head. "smothered, i need independence, to be alone, to think, to breathe, im not ready to settle down, i dont want a relationship right now" terrible things to say to someone you love. i think i need to take time by myself. ive been keeping busy by going out a lot, and traveling. but i feel like im running. i need to just sit and bask in this for a bit. let it settle. then move on. the last step i think for me to get over it. Edited October 19, 2009 by NSW768
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