Aksion Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 What the hell am I to do? I just want to talk to her -- and I don't/can't understand why she won't/can't talk to me. She knows that I'm going to file, maybe this is why she won't talk to me? I mean, its what she has repeatedly told me she wants, to 'live her life in peace', but I don't ****ing understand it. I want to go to where she is staying, grab her by the shoulders and just shake the **** outta her -- I really do. How do you just suddenly 'turn it off'? I've been home alone all weekend for the first time (I don't usually have entire weekends off) and it is the most unbearable thing. I've fallen back into a spiral of whiskey and wandering around town at night because I can't take sitting in this house...OUR house. How can she be 'so happy' and be 'loving life' while I feel like this?
Logik Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 Sorry bro. Trying to understand it makes it worse. Whiskey makes it even worse. There's nothing anybody can say to make you feel better, but when you post it does help. I'm always thinking of everyone on LS that are going through what I am, so just know that others understand exactly what you feel and are thinking of you. Hang in there. It's still early days.
JaneDoe35 Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 Aksion - I really feel for you and know 'exactly' how you are right now. We all feel this way and it is almost unbearable. It feels like it should kill you....but it wont. I read an e-book last night - I know - in my desperation I bought one of those 'Stop your divorce' books. Although I don't think I will be able to stop my divorce with it, I have found a few things in it which have helped. I see now that I am almost 'addicted' to the pain and have managed to sort of switch it off a little. By saying 'Shut up' continuously for approx 30 seconds as soon as you start asking yourself 'How can she do this'? etc etc. It is working for me...I know it may sound a little odd.
JaneDoe35 Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 I know this is only a very short term fix but it is just to give your head a break....
Author Aksion Posted October 18, 2009 Author Posted October 18, 2009 I wish I could give my head a break. I did really good this past week. Was able to work through most of my emotions and the nights w/o drinking. Sleeping pills were still a must, but I had to function at work. Its just this weekend was supposed to be our weekend out of town together, thus why I have it off. I'm really ****ing losing it right now. I keep coming back here just vent basically -- not really looking for answers, I think I just want to be heard at this point.
Cranialrupture Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 DO NOT go to the whiskey, alcohol is a natural depressant and it will only numb the pain temporarily and it can make you do really stupid stuff that you will regret later. So you will still have the pain, a hang over and regrets. Not a good combination. What you need to do is realize she will do whatever she is going to do and nothing you do can stop it. You we're happy before you were together and you can be happy without her also. The only one you need to focus on making happy is yourself. Find something to occupy yourself with. A hobby, unfinished projects, self help books etc. Just keep busy. It doesn't matter if that unfinished bird house ends up looking like crap. The busier the better. You will get more worn out so falling asleep will be easier and while your doing stuff it will help (not eliminate) from thinking of her. I have noticed in my situation it kinda has a duel effect. A. helps you continue moving forward B. helps you regain confidence and control. C. she will start to notice all that with time also. Also as another note the more you talk to her and pester her the more shes going to be pushed away. Women do not like non-confident beggers. Hang in there man, we are here for ya. Its going to tough as hell but it will get easier with time.
Author Aksion Posted October 18, 2009 Author Posted October 18, 2009 I've left her alone outside of giving her the info that I'm going to file. I keep saying how I don't want her back after all this -- and honestly, I really believe that. The trust is broken there -- however its just what I said before, that 'closure' I seek that I know I'll probably never get. I do love her, I do care for her, but the trust in her is gone and I could never regain it regardless of the situation. I do have family to turn to, and I am normally very busy like I said, its just this weekend has been torture and I turned to alcohol to get me through it sadly.
tnttim Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 I feel the same way. I come here to get my mind off of it. I try to remember time heals all woulds, but the healing kills me sometimes. Quit drinking for yourself, the feeling won't go away, but it will be weaker. Drinking is a mood amplifier, and your depressed right now.
J-Dad Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 Although the alcohol seems like it "helps", stop it. Women dont like it (at least the right kind of women) You will be happy with or without her, and we all will for that matter. Work on yourself first and foremost.
Author Aksion Posted October 18, 2009 Author Posted October 18, 2009 Constantly working on myself -- nights/time alone is when I really seem to lose myself though. Really just want to speak with her. I really still just can't see how she just 'doesn't care' anymore. We both had our 'rough patches' but even when I had mine, she was always trying to do 'new things' to keep us going, and it always worked...which is why I can't/don't believe that she doesn't feel anything for me any longer.
J-Dad Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 I know the nights are the hardest part when the house is empty and quiet and your sleeping alone. How long have you been apart?
JaneDoe35 Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 It is horrible, I want to call my husband and say 'help me, someone has hurt me really badly' but then I remember he is doing this to me!!! I did not realise how lovely it was to always have him there for me....
J-Dad Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 It is horrible, I want to call my husband and say 'help me, someone has hurt me really badly' but then I remember he is doing this to me!!! I did not realise how lovely it was to always have him there for me.... So true. The first few nights I was actually calling her ans we were talking and crying with eachother. Then came the first few nights without talking. It does get easier, but still really difficult. Watch movies, play video games, read a book, exercise - do anything other than pine away, its not healthy.
Author Aksion Posted October 19, 2009 Author Posted October 19, 2009 Well, logged into my myspace this morning and had a e-mail from her. E-mail was in response to me telling her last tuesday that I would be filing soon. All the e-mail said "Ok". Nothing else. Not that I expected anything more -- but I feel like I deserve more ESPECIALLY for all that I've ever done for her. Curiousity struck me -- and I decided to give her myspace page a look. Shouldn't have done it, didn't dig any further than just her recent status update "New number, new life, & I'm loving every minute of it." Ouch. Immediately walked out to the bar at work and downed a double of Jack before finishing the day. So here I am, probably even more worse off than I was yesterday..and I'm going to have to see this woman to get these papers signed. I don't think I should even be the one filing in the first place -- I didn't want this, I didn't do this, why should I be punished even more?
Logik Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Well, logged into my myspace this morning and had a e-mail from her. E-mail was in response to me telling her last tuesday that I would be filing soon. All the e-mail said "Ok". Nothing else. Not that I expected anything more -- but I feel like I deserve more ESPECIALLY for all that I've ever done for her. Curiousity struck me -- and I decided to give her myspace page a look. Shouldn't have done it, didn't dig any further than just her recent status update "New number, new life, & I'm loving every minute of it." Ouch. Immediately walked out to the bar at work and downed a double of Jack before finishing the day. So here I am, probably even more worse off than I was yesterday..and I'm going to have to see this woman to get these papers signed. I don't think I should even be the one filing in the first place -- I didn't want this, I didn't do this, why should I be punished even more? Then don't file. Not that much time has passed. If you don't want this, let her do it. Unless it drags on to an unreasonable length of time, but I don't think it's at the unreasonable period yet.
JaneDoe35 Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Don't look at anything about her anymore. It is just too painful. I would look at our phonebills online & see how often my husband is speaking to this other married woman. I am a curious person but I have managed not to do that at all anymore. It does help. I know what he is doing so there is no reason for me to inflict more pain on myself by seeing it in black & white.
Author Aksion Posted October 19, 2009 Author Posted October 19, 2009 The only reason I looked was because she out of no where decided to reply to me, and all she said was "Ok", I don't even understand why she even bothered to reply at all. Only filing because I can't stand being married to her anymore. I can't stand saying 'my wife' when speaking of her. Makes me sick.
Author Aksion Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 Well, sat down with lawyer friend today -- helped me draw up our separation/property/monetary papers. A little depressing, but I feel better knowing I'll be financially protected if she signs. Actually having them delivered to her on her birthday. Yes, I do get a laugh outta that one. We'll see how that goes.
seibert253 Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 A, Once she signs, you will not believe how refreshing it will feel without that monkey on your back. It gets so much better after it's done. Served on her birthday, oh that's too fu#kin cool. HAPPY FU#KIN BIRTHDAY DEAR. You're a heartless b#stard LMFAO. Good for you my man.
Author Aksion Posted October 21, 2009 Author Posted October 21, 2009 I'm not heartless...I still care very deeply for her -- however I'm really ****ed up in the head right now, because of her -- and I know it, and don't ****in' care right now. She's left me a wreck, and I doubt that it'll really bother her -- just makes me feel better giving her a 'birthday present'.
Angel1111 Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 First of all, I'm sorry you're in so much pain. It is so sad to see someone hurting like this. So, are you actually saying that she has had no explanation whatsoever for wanting out of the relationship? No discussions in the past about how things need to change, how it's not working - nothing? I always find it hard to believe that anyone can walk away without giving some indication or explanation about why.
Author Aksion Posted October 21, 2009 Author Posted October 21, 2009 First of all, I'm sorry you're in so much pain. It is so sad to see someone hurting like this. So, are you actually saying that she has had no explanation whatsoever for wanting out of the relationship? No discussions in the past about how things need to change, how it's not working - nothing? I always find it hard to believe that anyone can walk away without giving some indication or explanation about why. No real explanation -- buncha **** how it's all my fault. Bits an pieces, here and there, but never a real reason.
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