I always find the strangest guys, what does this mean?....male responses appreciated

[KismetGirl]

You are just upset because I agreed with Alpha..

 

No, Im not upset. I just think you're an idiot. Apologies, that was not nice of me. I think you are intellectually challenged.

 

Also, I agree that he might be in it just for sex, so perhaps the only one here missing something is...you? Tata.

[Lucky_One]

I don't get this whole thread.

 

You meet some guy online and exchange pics. He totally blows you off for WEEKS, and finally texts you on a Friday afternoon to meet up for a Friday night. You spend the night at a bar getting tipsy and kissing him. On the thirld night, you sleep with him. And then NADA. And after telling him that you don't want anything serious, you call him an ******* for not calling you.

 

You already KNOW he is an *******. You already KNOW that he only initiates contact when HE wants something, and that he is fine with no contact during the "rest of his life".

 

Calling someone a jerk for non-post-coital communication after you tell him that casual sex and FWB is just fine with you is clear double-speak.

 

The man got what he wanted - sex after a cheap three nights sitting at a bar. You say that the sex was good and that you needed it - so let it go. You got what you needed, too.

 

Although, I do find that you two make a good couple, with all of your racist and derogatory comments about Mexicans. Match made in heaven.

[KismetGirl]

See they tell you the truth and you cant take it. We get it, you say you didnt want anything serious with the guy.

 

When the guy can get what he wants without calling you when YOU want, he wins-- because you set that precident. He knows he doesnt have to keep you happy by your definition (with a call)...he's slick enough to pull that off. Especially since he doesnt want you anymore.

 

See, this is just silly. You're stuck in this old mindset that guys are after only one thing and girls are all silly relationship-needing idiots.

 

I've had plenty of casual relationships with men that I was friendly with, and we got together when we wanted sex, but they were still respectful to me. They knew they'd get sex often, because here's a shocker, I like sex and am not ashamed of that fact. Perhaps you are, but I have to say, purely sexual relationships don't bother me, but I don't see how those types of relationships preclude a respectful attitude.

 

if the person doesn't have it, then he's the idiot, not me. My question here was pretty much because his behaviour was a little erratic. I'd almost prefer if he totally ignored me, then it would be easy to be like, well, I guess he just doesn't want anything to do with me, which is cool, because it's not like ive got some emotional attachment to him. I was more confused as to why he'd continue to have these random, non-sensical sort of conversations, then take genuine offense when I called him an ass**le. Seriously, the guy is bizarre.

 

This morning, I get a text : "so good morning. my loaf of bread is in the kictchen, woo. And how are you this morning, KG. If you aren't terribly busy...Drink fri?"

 

Confusing bugger.

[KismetGirl]

I don't get this whole thread.

 

You meet some guy online and exchange pics. He totally blows you off for WEEKS, and finally texts you on a Friday afternoon to meet up for a Friday night. You spend the night at a bar getting tipsy and kissing him. On the thirld night, you sleep with him. And then NADA. And after telling him that you don't want anything serious, you call him an ******* for not calling you.

 

You already KNOW he is an *******. You already KNOW that he only initiates contact when HE wants something, and that he is fine with no contact during the "rest of his life".

 

Calling someone a jerk for non-post-coital communication after you tell him that casual sex and FWB is just fine with you is clear double-speak.

 

The man got what he wanted - sex after a cheap three nights sitting at a bar. You say that the sex was good and that you needed it - so let it go. You got what you needed, too.

 

Although, I do find that you two make a good couple, with all of your racist and derogatory comments about Mexicans. Match made in heaven.

 

Didn't meet him in a bar, met through work friends. Exchanged email photos before meeting.

 

Oh bother, you are obviously not from New York, it was a joke, take it easy. Mexican, Jewish, Italian, Russian, English, Black, German, it doesnt matter, I've joked about them all, and I am in several of the aforementioned categories. Lighten up, seriously.

[Lucky_One]

I'd almost prefer if he totally ignored me, then it would be easy to be like, well, I guess he just doesn't want anything to do with me, which is cool, because it's not like ive got some emotional attachment to him. I was more confused as to why he'd continue to have these random, non-sensical sort of conversations, then take genuine offense when I called him an ass**le. Seriously, the guy is bizarre.

 

This morning, I get a text : "so good morning. my loaf of bread is in the kictchen, woo. And how are you this morning, KG. If you aren't terribly busy...Drink fri?"

 

Confusing bugger.

 

He DID pretty much totally ignore you. And you clearly showed him that you were upset by being ignored.

 

And not only that, you APOLOGIZED for calling him an a-hole, and then you carried on a conversation with him like you had just seen him an hour ago - all nicey-nice.

 

So what does he do? He asks you for sex for Friday night. He already knows you will give it up, he already knows that you accept and welcome shoddy treatment, and he already knows you are a cheap, drinks only date.

 

What do you WANT? You get pissed off when he doesn't contact you, and you get irritated when he does contact you.

[Lucky_One]

Oh bother, you are obviously not from New York, it was a joke, take it easy. Mexican, Jewish, Italian, Russian, English, Black, German, it doesnt matter, I've joked about them all, and I am in several of the aforementioned categories. Lighten up, seriously.

 

Nope. Sorry. I don't lighten up on racism. I don't think it's cute, I don't think it's funny, and I wouldn't speak to a man who was like that, either.

[KismetGirl]

No, Im not upset. I just think you're an idiot. Apologies, that was not nice of me. I think you are intellectually challenged.

 

Also, I agree that he might be in it just for sex, so perhaps the only one here missing something is...you? Tata.

 

 

ARGGGGH sorry. Its too early to be arguing, tried to erase this but couldnt. Oh well. It really is silly to start fights on here I havent any clue why people do it....do they think arguments like this help anyone?

[Art_Critic]

No, Im not upset. I just think you're an idiot. Apologies, that was not nice of me. I think you are intellectually challenged.

 

 

WTF ???? get over yourself...

 

the next time you post a thread on a PUBLIC forum asking for advice and you don't like the advice then just ignore it.. but being rude to someone who spent their own time trying to help you is totally unacceptable in my book..

 

good luck with your guy..

[Art_Critic]

I don't get this whole thread.

 

You're not the only one..

[Art_Critic]

Calling someone a jerk for non-post-coital communication after you tell him that casual sex and FWB is just fine with you is clear double-speak.

 

It's okay.. She called me an idiot and intellectually challenged and I don't even know her..

 

I can't imagine what she actually unloaded on the guy

[KismetGirl]

He DID pretty much totally ignore you. And you clearly showed him that you were upset by being ignored.

 

And not only that, you APOLOGIZED for calling him an a-hole, and then you carried on a conversation with him like you had just seen him an hour ago - all nicey-nice.

 

So what does he do? He asks you for sex for Friday night. He already knows you will give it up, he already knows that you accept and welcome shoddy treatment, and he already knows you are a cheap, drinks only date.

 

What do you WANT? You get pissed off when he doesn't contact you, and you get irritated when he does contact you.

 

Are you on a mission to be mean or something? Does it make you feel good? I've joked about being mexican with my mexican friends, and the line I pulled was from one of their own mouthes. If it doesnt bother them, I dont see why it bothers uyou. Racism is treating people differently due to their ethnicity or race, and I have never done that. Comedians make similiar jokes all the time and people of all races find them hilarious, sorry if it offends you, but not all jokes are for everyone. Whatever, this isnt a thread about offending people's joke sensibilities, moving on now please.

 

And, our first date was drinks, our second date was dinner followed by a couple drinks, what the hell is wrong with that? Cheap date? Please, if it makes you feel better to randomly insult me for no reason, go for it. We're in our early to mid-20's, and we're ok with having drinks, I do it with dates all the time, its a casual way to get to know someone without the formalities of eating at the same time. It isn't for you, perhaps, but it works for many people. It's not like we got wasted. Two beers over the course of four or five hours is hardly what I'd call getting toasty with your date....

 

Please can people here just LIGHTEN UP! This thread started off great, people were very blunt and honest with me abotu what they thought his intentions were without being douches, and I was ok with it. I dont understand why some people an incessant need to be such p**cks on here! What the hell do you get out it???? if you don't like me or my personality, bugger off!!!! No one is asking you to write here!!!!

[Lucky_One]

No one is asking you to write here!!!!

 

No one is asking you to write here, either. You posted a thread about a guy who treated you badly and that you had sex with. You asked for advice and for insight on why he was acting like that. Don't get all pissy because you don't like the responses.

[Lucky_One]

Kismet, bottom line for dating - ask for and expect the amount of respect that you wish for.

 

If you don't respect yourself enough to be contacted in a reasonable fashion and demand that, then you are not going to be contacted as you would ideally like. If you ask for respect but then accept more disrespect, then a man knows that you will accept any sort of treatment regardless of your words.

 

All people are "trainable" if they have sufficient incentive. If a man wants to see you badly enough, and if he knows that he needs to call by Wednesday for a Friday night date and that he needs to contact you after the date to say thanks or hi or I ate sushi Sunday, then you need to communicate that to him, either by direct words or by subtleties or by action.

[KismetGirl]

Kismet, bottom line for dating - ask for and expect the amount of respect that you wish for.

 

If you don't respect yourself enough to be contacted in a reasonable fashion and demand that, then you are not going to be contacted as you would ideally like. If you ask for respect but then accept more disrespect, then a man knows that you will accept any sort of treatment regardless of your words.

 

All people are "trainable" if they have sufficient incentive. If a man wants to see you badly enough, and if he knows that he needs to call by Wednesday for a Friday night date and that he needs to contact you after the date to say thanks or hi or I ate sushi Sunday, then you need to communicate that to him, either by direct words or by subtleties or by action.

 

See, that was a much nicer way of expressing your opinion on the matter. Duly noted.

 

Anyway, I get what you are saying, and it's true, but occasionally I'm unsure of if Im really getting my point across. I'm easy going by nature (in person anyway) and I hate the feeling of having to play games. I have to say Im a little out of practice, having focused the majority of my energies on someone who obviously didn't appreciate it for a long, long time and it's skewed my perceptions on how to get my point across sometimes. I truly don't have a problemw ith things being slow to start, but Im always at a loss as to how to express what I want out of something without seeming like Im too demanding. I dont know anymore what to do, it must be partially something I am saying or doing, but it's partially, perhaps, the type I am attracted to? i dont know.

 

He did ask me what I was looking for the first time we met. I thought I was pretty clear. I said I was not in any way looking for a one-night stand, but that I didn't rush to call someone my boyfriend within 6 weeks of meeting him either. That I liked to take things one day at a time. That I saw no problem with two people who were attracted to each other sleeping together so long as there was a mutual respect and that I , again, did not do one-night stands and prefer the ongoing friends-with-benefits thing that gradually turns into something more if that's what both parties want, and that if it doesnt, Im ok with it so long as the person is totally honest with me. I said that I preferred to have someone who was consistent (perhaps this is where Im not clear enough, in that I mean by "consistent" someone that doesn't disappear for weeks in between meetings but keeps up some sort of friendly contact, even if we dont see each other terribly often). I said that I'd had perfectly successful such relationships of both sorts before and in most cases the other person was up front about their intentions and everyone was happy. That I've had fwb's before who i ended up dating, and then i've had those who i didn't, but who I still happen to be quite good friends with.

 

I THOUGHT I was being clear, but looking back on it perhaps I wasn't in some areas, I don't know.

[carhill]

So, are you going out with him for a drink Friday?

[KismetGirl]

So, are you going out with him for a drink Friday?

 

I like your truism....because it's, well....true. People who care the least do have the most power. *sigh*

 

I don't know. It's my weekly time to go babble to my therapist so suppose will see what he's got to say about this. I haven't responded on the request for a meeting friday yet.....its early in the week anyway. Will figure it out by Wed.

 

Last week when I told my therapist about this new guy, and how we had a great weekend together, but that I was skeptical it would work out, he asked me why? If someone spends an entire weekend with you, surely they must like you on some level?

 

Yes, I say, so you'd think. But Im still skeptical and cynical about relationships and expect everything to fall for the worst.

 

So, all the people that are yapping "you got what you deserve"....it's not very nice. Because I've had a hell of a time even allowing myself to go out with someone new after my last "relationship" was over to be honest. So if Im disappointed he's not contacting me the way I wanted, then ok, but I think it might be understandable why I felt that way? If I don't feel bad about sleeping with him, why must you try to make me feel bad about it? There are other ways of addressing the situation, and saying he isn't interested is fine, I can accept that, but to say "well, he got what he wanted and you're a big whore" is really not acceptable or necessary to the discussion at hand is it?

 

Anyway so I dont know what im doing. Will try to decide by Wed. I guess.

[carhill]

IMO, if nothing more compelling presents itself, accept with minimal expectations. Often, acceptance is a healthy path. Accept the dynamic for what it is and realize that your life journey does not turn upon a drink on Friday night.

[boogieboy]

So, all the people that are yapping "you got what you deserve"....it's not very nice. Because I've had a hell of a time even allowing myself to go out with someone new after my last "relationship" was over to be honest. So if Im disappointed he's not contacting me the way I wanted, then ok, but I think it might be understandable why I felt that way? If I don't feel bad about sleeping with him, why must you try to make me feel bad about it? There are other ways of addressing the situation, and saying he isn't interested is fine, I can accept that, but to say "well, he got what he wanted and you're a big whore" is really not acceptable or necessary to the discussion at hand is it?

 

Anyway so I dont know what im doing. Will try to decide by Wed. I guess.

 

This is the real world missy, no one needs to be NICE. If you cant handle the straight skinny, then dont post.

 

I see how you work, you take what everyone says and multiply it by 60 in your mind. You defintely are from new York.

No one is saying you should feel bad for sleeping with him, youre making that up. No one even said anything close to you being a whore, youre just being over -dramatic.

 

You SHOULD feel bad for setting up expectations in your mind for a situation where you are the one who needs the relationship more.

 

So No, its not understandable for you to feel that way about his non-communication. Youre an adult - at least I hope you are - you should be taking this one week at a time, and either tell him you want to hear from him more often, or you write him off until he steps up to what you want.

[KismetGirl]

This is the real world missy, no one needs to be NICE. If you cant handle the straight skinny, then dont post.

 

I see how you work, you take what everyone says and multiply it by 60 in your mind. You defintely are from new York.

No one is saying you should feel bad for sleeping with him, youre making that up. No one even said anything close to you being a whore, youre just being over -dramatic.

 

You SHOULD feel bad for setting up expectations in your mind for a situation where you are the one who needs the relationship more.

 

So No, its not understandable for you to feel that way about his non-communication. Youre an adult - at least I hope you are - you should be taking this one week at a time, and either tell him you want to hear from him more often, or you write him off until he steps up to what you want.

 

Lol, no, no one NEEDS to be nice, but no one NEEDS to be a d**k either, which is kind of my point. I give advice to people all day long as part of my job, and I can assure you they have worse and more frustrating problems than my own, and I find constructive ways of guiding them without insulting them- the whole lot, which includes drug addicts, prostitutes, co-dependants, bipolars and schizphrenics, some are nice, some are truly ass**les, but I find a way to speak to all of them ina kind and firm manner that is honest without being mean. So, if the only way you are able to discuss things with people is by being insulting, be my guest, that is your prerogative, but don't assume that being blunt and honest with someone is somehow mutually exclusive with being mean. They are often put together but not necessarily so. Just saying. Just because ass**oles are part of the real world doesnt mean I have to like them or take it lying down and humbly say "ok".

 

And yeah, from NYC and proud of it. ;-)

[KismetGirl]

IMO, if nothing more compelling presents itself, accept with minimal expectations. Often, acceptance is a healthy path. Accept the dynamic for what it is and realize that your life journey does not turn upon a drink on Friday night.

 

This is quite possibly some of the best advice I've gotten thus far aside from perhaps Die Hard who was also rather insightful, and perhaps one or two others I am forgetting.

 

It's more peaceful. I like it. Just accept things for what they are and that's it.

[boldjack]

Carhill is right. Besides, KG, if you like "quirky", guys you have to expect them to have "quirks", right? If you want "dependable", date an accountant.

[KismetGirl]

Carhill is right. Besides, KG, if you like "quirky", guys you have to expect them to have "quirks", right? If you want "dependable", date an accountant.

 

LOL, that did make me laugh, because its true in a way. The stranger they are the more I seem to like them....give me nonsensical conversation at 3 in the morning about the colour mauve and why it shouldn't really be a colour (yes, another weird convo with him) and somehow it makes me like you more, especially when it's followed and preceded by basically intelligent conversation interspersed with quirky, sarcastic humour. God knows what that says about my own quirks. Bah!

 

Anyway, maybe I should give an accountant a try ;-) I have a best friend who is one, and she's a wild card so you never know Those guys party hard come the end of April!!

[boldjack]

I don't know about that KG, my wife and I were invited to a party at my accountants vacation home. It was, without doubt, the most boring party in history. ALL they talked about was tax structures, investments, an looholes. It was informative, but bone-chillingly dull.

[Die Hard]

IMO, if nothing more compelling presents itself, accept with minimal expectations. Often, acceptance is a healthy path. Accept the dynamic for what it is and realize that your life journey does not turn upon a drink on Friday night.

 

I think this is a great post and I agree 110 percent.

 

Remember kis, you've already been out with him and you enjoyed the conversation, and you really enjoyed the sex. That's not always easy to find. Go have some fun. Like carhill says, just accept with minimal expectations...respect being one of them, though.

[aystro]

Sooooo, its been a while since I've met anyone I legitimately liked. Had an affair for a long time with a married guy, which ended about six months ago.

 

About a month ago or so I meet this other guy, let's call him "Aiden". So, I have a date set with Aiden (its a blind date, but we've seen photos of one another). Two hours before the date he cancels on me, citing something to the effect of having a late night at work and getting cold feet. I take this to mean disinterest. Am annoyed, but whatever, no biggie.

 

Couple weeks later I get an email stating "So I f**ked up. Do I get another chance?" Ok, fine, I say we can try again. Then nothing, no response again for like, two weeks.

 

Then a week ago, I get a call on a Friday saying he's wondering if I'll be around in the city. That he's getting off of work late but if I'm around would like to finally meet me for a drink. Out of sheer curiousity, I say ok, but that since he's the one that wants to meet me, he has to come out to my neighborhood, which is a bit of a trek from where he lives, but he does it. So we end up closing up the bar, great conversation, didn't even notice it got so late until they called for last call at the bar. Fine. He's flirty, he's saying he's surprised I'm so easy going/intelligent/funny/sexy blah blah blah and that he's sorry for being flakey before, but that he had had a bad week at work and almost got laid off and hadn't been in a frame of mind to meet someone new. Fair enough. We end up hanging out until 6 in the morning. HE kisses ME first. Doesnt get further than that, I don't sleep with people on first dates. Not that I find anything morally wrong with it, i just dont do it.

 

Hang out another night, same thing, all night long, close out the bar, talking, end the night with kisses.

 

Hang out a third night in a row, same deal, hang out all night. Third night we end up sleeping together. Whatever, that part is fine, in fact, it was fabulous. Haven't had good sex like that since my affair, so frankly I think I needed that. I tell him Im cool with taking things slow, don't need to rush into relationships, casual dating, whatever, is fine with me.

 

So, a week goes by. I get a one line email halfway through the week saying he's been working 15 hour days for this deadline he is on. Ok then.

 

Then the weekend comes, and I'm pis*ed off that i haven't really heard from him. I went out with my friends this weekend, got drunk one night, and texted him to tell him he's an ass*ole. He drunkenly texted me back confused, then in the morning sent me a text saying "well, that was a bit rude" to which i responded "um, well, so is sleeping with someone and ignoring them for a week" (not verbatim, but that was the basic point).

 

After which, he starts randomly texting me about completely random things. Not saying he doesn't want to see me anymore, but just completely , weird, random things. I honestly have no idea what the hell he is talking about. Don't get me wrong- I tend to like guys that are a little strange or quirky, but usually I have a good grasp on whether they like me or not. With him Im muy confusado.

 

Seriously, this guy confuses the hell out of me. If he doesn't like me, why on earth keep texting me weird random things? Just stop talking to me then, right?

 

I just don't get it. At all. He's a little younger than me, so perhaps its just immaturity? I mean, not by much (four years younger), but in your 20's that could mean a massive difference in maturity levels.

 

I'm wondering how long I should give it before I just give up on it. Should I say something again? I don't want to seem like some pushy girl. Im not trying to make him my boyfriend right away, I do like to take things slow, and I dont need to see him every weekend, but I do get annoyed if I dont at least get some kind of contact from the guy. That's not too much to ask, right?

 

This is total bollocks, I feel like Im in high school again to even be this confused. ACK!

 

" I always find the strangest guys, what does this mean?"

 

Serious answer? Law of equal attraction. You attract them because you act the same way. Thus you attract such people.