I always find the strangest guys, what does this mean?....male responses appreciated

[KismetGirl]

Sooooo, its been a while since I've met anyone I legitimately liked. Had an affair for a long time with a married guy, which ended about six months ago.

 

About a month ago or so I meet this other guy, let's call him "Aiden". So, I have a date set with Aiden (its a blind date, but we've seen photos of one another). Two hours before the date he cancels on me, citing something to the effect of having a late night at work and getting cold feet. I take this to mean disinterest. Am annoyed, but whatever, no biggie.

 

Couple weeks later I get an email stating "So I f**ked up. Do I get another chance?" Ok, fine, I say we can try again. Then nothing, no response again for like, two weeks.

 

Then a week ago, I get a call on a Friday saying he's wondering if I'll be around in the city. That he's getting off of work late but if I'm around would like to finally meet me for a drink. Out of sheer curiousity, I say ok, but that since he's the one that wants to meet me, he has to come out to my neighborhood, which is a bit of a trek from where he lives, but he does it. So we end up closing up the bar, great conversation, didn't even notice it got so late until they called for last call at the bar. Fine. He's flirty, he's saying he's surprised I'm so easy going/intelligent/funny/sexy blah blah blah and that he's sorry for being flakey before, but that he had had a bad week at work and almost got laid off and hadn't been in a frame of mind to meet someone new. Fair enough. We end up hanging out until 6 in the morning. HE kisses ME first. Doesnt get further than that, I don't sleep with people on first dates. Not that I find anything morally wrong with it, i just dont do it.

 

Hang out another night, same thing, all night long, close out the bar, talking, end the night with kisses.

 

Hang out a third night in a row, same deal, hang out all night. Third night we end up sleeping together. Whatever, that part is fine, in fact, it was fabulous. Haven't had good sex like that since my affair, so frankly I think I needed that. I tell him Im cool with taking things slow, don't need to rush into relationships, casual dating, whatever, is fine with me.

 

So, a week goes by. I get a one line email halfway through the week saying he's been working 15 hour days for this deadline he is on. Ok then.

 

Then the weekend comes, and I'm pis*ed off that i haven't really heard from him. I went out with my friends this weekend, got drunk one night, and texted him to tell him he's an ass*ole. He drunkenly texted me back confused, then in the morning sent me a text saying "well, that was a bit rude" to which i responded "um, well, so is sleeping with someone and ignoring them for a week" (not verbatim, but that was the basic point).

 

After which, he starts randomly texting me about completely random things. Not saying he doesn't want to see me anymore, but just completely , weird, random things. I honestly have no idea what the hell he is talking about. Don't get me wrong- I tend to like guys that are a little strange or quirky, but usually I have a good grasp on whether they like me or not. With him Im muy confusado.

 

Seriously, this guy confuses the hell out of me. If he doesn't like me, why on earth keep texting me weird random things? Just stop talking to me then, right?

 

I just don't get it. At all. He's a little younger than me, so perhaps its just immaturity? I mean, not by much (four years younger), but in your 20's that could mean a massive difference in maturity levels.

 

I'm wondering how long I should give it before I just give up on it. Should I say something again? I don't want to seem like some pushy girl. Im not trying to make him my boyfriend right away, I do like to take things slow, and I dont need to see him every weekend, but I do get annoyed if I dont at least get some kind of contact from the guy. That's not too much to ask, right?

 

This is total bollocks, I feel like Im in high school again to even be this confused. ACK!

[Bejita463]

So... you basically told him you want him to contact you more often and (from the sounds of things) he is doing so. Maybe he doesn't know what to talk about, but is trying to accommodate your request?

[KismetGirl]

So... you basically told him you want him to contact you more often and (from the sounds of things) he is doing so. Maybe he doesn't know what to talk about, but is trying to accommodate your request?

 

I don't know, that is a possibility. I mean, as I said, I don't expect to see him ALL the bloody time in the beginning, but I think I'd like some sort of indication he wants to actually see me again? The random conversations via text just tell me nothing. Seriously, this is how this morning's text-convo went:

 

Him- "bit rude last night" (in reference to my calling him an ass*ole while drunk)

Me- "yeah i was a little tipsy. But its rude not to talk to someone for a week after sleeping with them too"

him- (after 5 minute delay) "wow."

me- "um...yeah, so, sorry i called you an *******, ive had a bad week at work, but really...."

him (after another delay)- "i've just been in fist fight so need to deal with that now"

me- "wtf? with who? are you ok?"

him- "some ****ing mexican. yeah im alright- he isn't tough"

me- "um....mexicans are short. confuse him with your accent and threaten to call INS? fights are bad?"

him- "he tried to charge me $25 for a loaf of bread and then got into it with me when i called him a prick"

me- "um...yes...well, at least you stand up for your economic beliefs? maybe it had drugs inside. that costs extra. are you home now?"

 

Now nothing since that last text over an hour ago. He's a bit of an oddball, which is fine, but generally quite intelligent and proper and polite, so my basic response to most of his texts are...."wtf???"

 

I mean, if you don't like me, then why bothering sending me messages at all? And if you do like me, why the delay in asking me to actually hang out again? What's with this random odd nonsense? Argh.

[alphamale]

he was looking for something casual, and he got it...on the third date.

[KismetGirl]

he was looking for something casual, and he got it...on the third date.

 

 

:::shrug::: yeah, so am I, for the time being, and that's fine. I told him from day one, if this is just a sex thing, that's cool, just let me know, Im in no rush to date anyone seriously right now but hey, we all have needs.

 

Sooooo, ya know, my thing is, why keep sending me random strange conversations if you don't intend to see me again? What's the point? Dunno.

 

If your intent is to somehow insult me, I assure you, it isn't going to work. Ciao.

[Double]

I'm not sure why you're confused...this seems straightforward to me.

 

First, you went out with someone after letting him blow you off several times.

 

Your dates consisted of drinking.

 

Then you slept with him on the third date.

 

Nothing necessarily anything wrong with any of that.

 

But you claim you're fine with taking things slow, casually dating, etc...but you're clearly not. At all. Hence the drunken text and your anger.

 

And as Bejita said, you wanted him to be in contact, and he is. Even if you think it's random and lame.

 

And you're freaking out and timing how long it takes him to text you back (five minutes, an hour...)! Especially after he said he had other things going on.

 

It sounds to me like he wanted to get laid, and he did. And he's texting you because he might like to get laid again in the future.

 

Maybe a relationship will come of this, maybe not. But your expectations at this point seem incredibly high to me, based on the facts you gave.

[alphamale]

Sooooo, ya know, my thing is, why keep sending me random strange conversations if you don't intend to see me again? What's the point? Dunno.

i don't know...maybe he thinks he can string you along and eventually get another night of torrid and steamy sex down the road.

 

you should just tell him to buzz off.

[KismetGirl]

I'm not sure why you're confused...this seems straightforward to me.

 

First, you went out with someone after letting him blow you off several times.

 

Your dates consisted of drinking.

 

Then you slept with him on the third date.

 

Nothing necessarily anything wrong with any of that.

 

But you claim you're fine with taking things slow, casually dating, etc...but you're clearly not. At all. Hence the drunken text and your anger.

 

And as Bejita said, you wanted him to be in contact, and he is. Even if you think it's random and lame.

 

And you're freaking out and timing how long it takes him to text you back (five minutes, an hour...)! Especially after he said he had other things going on.

 

It sounds to me like he wanted to get laid, and he did. And he's texting you because he might like to get laid again in the future.

 

Maybe a relationship will come of this, maybe not. But your expectations at this point seem incredibly high to me, based on the facts you gave.

 

Well, no, I didnt sit there with a time watch for chrissake, I should have known people here will be too literal....I just meant to indicate there was a large pause between certain responses.

 

Anyway, honestly, I dont mind this being casual, I just wonder sometimes. When I didnt hear from him I thought, ok, whatever, so it was a brief thing, but I'd appreciate it if he just said so. I would be more annoyed by a lack of response than I am about someone being honest and saying "that's all its going to be". I know you don't believe me, perhaps, but really that's it.

 

Meh, whatever, honestly Im not depressed about it or anything, I just wish people were as forthcoming as they pretend to be instead of playing games is all.

 

Seriously, if I was a dude, and I said I slept with this chick that I liked and I hadn't heard from her, woudl ANYONE feel a need to point out that "well, she got laid and thats all she wants"? I think thats kind of a double standard. What you would say is "well, maybe she just decided she's not into dating you". I don't see why people feel a need to try to make women feel bad for enjoying sex. We're all adults here, if its just about sex, so be it, Im very open and forward with people and that it's ok, all I ask is that everyone is honest about their intentions. That's the part that gets me- if you want to ignore me, go ahead, I'll think you're a tool, but not because you slept with me, it's because I can't stand when people play games and arent straightforward. I appreciate it more when people are just blunt and honest. Not in an ass*ole way, just in an honest way.

[Die Hard]

 

you should just tell him to buzz off.

 

Well he did buzz off...and then she called him an ******* for it via text. She's going to come across as a little strange telling him to buzz off now. He's going to be thinking "I tried that already."

[KismetGirl]

i don't know...maybe he thinks he can string you along and eventually get another night of torrid and steamy sex down the road.

 

you should just tell him to buzz off.

 

Yes I probably should tell him to buzz off to be fair, but I think Im just wondering what he thinks these weird random contacts with me are going to do for him.

 

It;s not like I've made it some secret that I like sex. I specifically said to him, "if this is going to be a friends with benefits thing, that's cool, Im not sure I want to be serious with anyone right now because of a recent relationship, but just let me know"

 

He should know there's no reason to be playing games here. The one thing I ask for is be honest, and dont totally ignore me. Treat me like you would treat any friend.

 

I think, perhaps, I forget that guys are a tad different though. When I think about my guy friends, they really don't speak to each other much in between meetings except when they are making plans to actually hang out again, so maybe that's where I was looking at it incorrectly? I should just assume that he intends for this to be a friends with benefits thing for now, at best, and that he honestly thought that one line emails telling me his week has been crazy busy is enough to let me know that when things die down he intends to hang out again, or something, which is fine.

 

Silly me. I was being such a girl again. For real, I hope I come back as a man in my next life. You guys seem so much more at peace with your fantastic inability to not overanalyze everything. Boy do I envy you.

[KismetGirl]

Well he did buzz off...and then she called him an ******* for it via text. She's going to come across as a little strange telling him to buzz off now. He's going to be thinking "I tried that already."

 

 

Yeah, but if he doesn't give a damn if he talks to me or not, why be bothered that I possibly think he's an ass*ole? Shouldnt he just shrug it off if he doesnt give a crap?

 

I think I offended his english sensibilities by implying he was anything other than a polite young man. Haha! Seriously, he fancies himself proper and polite, I think he honestly was insulted that someone should think he's a shmuck. How bizarre, considering his other behaviours. Im kind of amused by it all....

[Johnny M]

Him- "bit rude last night" (in reference to my calling him an ass*ole while drunk)

Me- "yeah i was a little tipsy. But its rude not to talk to someone for a week after sleeping with them too"

him- (after 5 minute delay) "wow."

me- "um...yeah, so, sorry i called you an *******, ive had a bad week at work, but really...."

him (after another delay)- "i've just been in fist fight so need to deal with that now"

me- "wtf? with who? are you ok?"

him- "some ****ing mexican. yeah im alright- he isn't tough"

me- "um....mexicans are short. confuse him with your accent and threaten to call INS? fights are bad?"

him- "he tried to charge me $25 for a loaf of bread and then got into it with me when i called him a prick"

me- "um...yes...well, at least you stand up for your economic beliefs? maybe it had drugs inside. that costs extra. are you home now?"

LOL. That's a pretty hilarious exchange, I must say. I don't really see what you're so upset about? I mean, you've only been on three dates, don't know each other that well, so naturally if you want him to talk to you on a constant basis, much of it is going to be about random stuff...And you're upset about him not texting you for more than our? Do you expect him to be in non-stop contact with you? Are you serious?

 

As for not asking you out again, maybe it's because you agreed to take things slow (at your suggestion)? Maybe he's busy, who knows? How about you ask him out instead?

[Kamille]

Seriously, if I was a dude, and I said I slept with this chick that I liked and I hadn't heard from her, woudl ANYONE feel a need to point out that "well, she got laid and thats all she wants"? I think thats kind of a double standard. What you would say is "well, maybe she just decided she's not into dating you".

 

I've actually seen threads like that. The answer usually question the guy's ability in bed. So... well, double-standard maybe but really, it's not much better .

 

 

I also find there's a contradiction in your post. You told him this could be casual when in fact you clearly had expectations. Not for a relationship perhaps, but for the basic courtesy people show each other when dating. Either you wanted him to contact you or you didn't - but when you told him it could be casual, you kind of left him, a guy you already knew was flaky, off the hook.

 

When you told him this could be casual, what did he say? Did you two reach an understanding of was it left all up in the air?

 

As to the texts, they actually make sense to me. You told him to text so he's texting about being in a fight. Getting in fist-fights with "mexicans" over the price of bread is what's going on in his life. What else would you expect him to text about?

[Johnny M]

i don't know...maybe he thinks he can string you along and eventually get another night of torrid and steamy sex down the road.

 

you should just tell him to buzz off.

Sounds like she wouldn't mind another night of torrid and steamy sex herself.... So why would she tell him to buzz off? For a so-called "alpha male", you seem to be pretty uncomfortable with the concept of sex...Try it sometimes, you might like it

[alphamale]

For real, I hope I come back as a man in my next life. You guys seem so much more at peace with your fantastic inability to not overanalyze everything. Boy do I envy you.

indeed, we are simple creatures

[Double]

 

I also find there's a contradiction in your post. You told him this could be casual when in fact you clearly had expectations. Not for a relationship perhaps, but for the basic courtesy people show each other when dating. Either you wanted him to contact you or you didn't - but when you told him it could be casual, you kind of left him, a guy you already knew was flaky, off the hook.

 

 

Yes, this is a much more clear and concise statement of what I was trying to say in my post.

[Die Hard]

Yeah, but if he doesn't give a damn if he talks to me or not, why be bothered that I possibly think he's an ass*ole? Shouldnt he just shrug it off if he doesnt give a crap?

 

I think I offended his english sensibilities by implying he was anything other than a polite young man. Haha! Seriously, he fancies himself proper and polite, I think he honestly was insulted that someone should think he's a shmuck. How bizarre, considering his other behaviours. Im kind of amused by it all....

 

True, no man likes it when a woman he has slept with calls him an *******. I'm sure it did offend him. I get the impression that you left him with the impression that you wanted things to be casual and that's what he was doing. I think you've confused him with the text. If you like him I'd suggest another date and see how it goes. If it goes well tell him you like him. If his aloof manner continues, move on as he just wants sex. If just sex is cool with you then you can go for that as well, but you can't send any more texts like that.

 

If you want things casual you cannot send mixed signals and the text was a mixed signal, imo.

[KismetGirl]

LOL. That's a pretty hilarious exchange, I must say. I don't really see what you're so upset about? I mean, you've only been on three dates, don't know each other that well, so naturally if you want him to talk to you on a constant basis, much of it is going to be about random stuff...And you're upset about him not texting you for more than our? Do you expect him to be in non-stop contact with you? Are you serious?

 

As for not asking you out again, maybe it's because you agreed to take things slow (at your suggestion)? Maybe he's busy, who knows? How about you ask him out instead?

 

Yes it was pretty funny, made me laugh to be sure, as I am easily amused by random stuff like that, but still.

 

It does sound kind of silly when I read back on it huh? Maybe I am just being a silly girl. I haven't "dated" anyone in a while. The last "relationship" i had was an affair with a married guy and i have to say he screwed me up a little bit and sometimes i swear i just dont know how to act with men, which is probably why I didnt really want a relationship witha nyone right away anyways.

 

He could just be busy, this is true. I could ask him out, I guess. Maybe I'll wait though and see if he does it first....

[Kamille]

He should know there's no reason to be playing games here.

 

Part of thinking like a guy is realizing that just because someone doesn't meet your expectations, it doesn't mean he's playing games. He's just not meeting your expectations.

 

Simplify your life. Go on how people act, not what you how you would like them to act.

[Die Hard]

I could ask him out, I guess. Maybe I'll wait though and see if he does it first....

 

Dude.

 

You need to be the one asking after that ******* text.

 

First you want casual, then he's an ass for not calling....then you kinda think maybe you'll tell him to buzz off...and now you're waiting for him to ask you out again?

 

Come on...

 

You don't think he might be a LITTLE confused??

[KismetGirl]

I've actually seen threads like that. The answer usually question the guy's ability in bed. So... well, double-standard maybe but really, it's not much better .

 

 

I also find there's a contradiction in your post. You told him this could be casual when in fact you clearly had expectations. Not for a relationship perhaps, but for the basic courtesy people show each other when dating. Either you wanted him to contact you or you didn't - but when you told him it could be casual, you kind of left him, a guy you already knew was flaky, off the hook.

When you told him this could be casual, what did he say? Did you two reach an understanding of was it left all up in the air?

 

As to the texts, they actually make sense to me. You told him to text so he's texting about being in a fight. Getting in fist-fights with "mexicans" over the price of bread is what's going on in his life. What else would you expect him to text about?

 

Hmm, true. See, this thread is being very helpful thus far, I need outside views sometimes.

 

OK, so, yes, I already knew he was a little flakey so should have known this was a possibility. When I asked him if he intended to have this be a casual fling, or if something more was in the works he looked genuinly confused. He said to me "wow. I dont know, no one has ever asked me that before. I guess just take it one day at a time?" or something like that.

 

I think my problem is thinking too much like a girl. I think he genuinly did not think it would bother me to have minimal contact, and maybe i did give that impression. and I didn't imply we should be seeing each other like every day, but I think in a way I did except some sort of general courtesy or something. I guess I should just take it at face value for now , but, should I just leave it up to him or what? Wait for him to make another move and if he never does just accept it? Or should I bother to ask HIM out again? To be honest I think he kind of likes it when Im a little beetchy to him. Everytime I've told him he's a confusing weirdo or something to that effect when he was flakey before, he responds immediately by saying we should hang out. Hmmm.

[KismetGirl]

True, no man likes it when a woman he has slept with calls him an *******. I'm sure it did offend him. I get the impression that you left him with the impression that you wanted things to be casual and that's what he was doing. I think you've confused him with the text. If you like him I'd suggest another date and see how it goes. If it goes well tell him you like him. If his aloof manner continues, move on as he just wants sex. If just sex is cool with you then you can go for that as well, but you can't send any more texts like that.

 

If you want things casual you cannot send mixed signals and the text was a mixed signal, imo.

 

Thank you, that was very insightful. Just not sure if I should bother to ask HIM out? Or just wait for him to come around. I wonder.

[KismetGirl]

Dude.

 

You need to be the one asking after that ******* text.

 

First you want casual, then he's an ass for not calling....then you kinda think maybe you'll tell him to buzz off...and now you're waiting for him to ask you out again?

 

Come on...

 

You don't think he might be a LITTLE confused??

 

To be fair, he's a little confusing too.....not sure if he really likes me or not so not sure if I SHOULD ask him out again! He's not exactly being very straightforward either, is he? I guess I could be the one to ask again...

[Kamille]

I guess I should just take it at face value for now , but, should I just leave it up to him or what? Wait for him to make another move and if he never does just accept it? Or should I bother to ask HIM out again? To be honest I think he kind of likes it when Im a little beetchy to him. Everytime I've told him he's a confusing weirdo or something to that effect when he was flakey before, he responds immediately by saying we should hang out. Hmmm.

 

You could put the ball in his court by texting akin to: "don't worry - you can make it up to me. Just take me out next weekend".

[You'reasian]

Yeah, but if he doesn't give a damn if he talks to me or not, why be bothered that I possibly think he's an ass*ole? Shouldnt he just shrug it off if he doesnt give a crap?

 

I think I offended his english sensibilities by implying he was anything other than a polite young man. Haha! Seriously, he fancies himself proper and polite, I think he honestly was insulted that someone should think he's a shmuck. How bizarre, considering his other behaviours. Im kind of amused by it all....

 

I'm not a very bright man. Please explain what the english sensibilities are?