JaneInVegas Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 Someone in another post said something that was very compelling to me. This isn't an exact quote, but it was something like, "It is your duty to snoop in your marriage, it is not a dirty deed." I have done my fair share of snooping in most of my relationships. Snooping actually destroyed one of them (even though the reason for the snooping in the first place sure didn't help us out any either!) Sometimes I really struggle where to draw the line between snooping and letting my guy have enough privacy and space. I am totally on the fence with this one. I have been the snoop-er and the snoop-ee, and I sure know it doesn't feel good when someone pulls PI work on you! Here in the next few weeks when I have enough $$$ I am planning on doing some snooping of my own, and I'm a little torn over it. If you simply have a gut feeling something is wrong, is that enough to snoop? Or do you think you have to have some kind of evidence first that you feel warrants a search for even more evidence? What do you think would be some good examples of gray areas?
bluegreen12 Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 Someone in another post said something that was very compelling to me. This isn't an exact quote, but it was something like, "It is your duty to snoop in your marriage, it is not a dirty deed." I have done my fair share of snooping in most of my relationships. Snooping actually destroyed one of them (even though the reason for the snooping in the first place sure didn't help us out any either!) Sometimes I really struggle where to draw the line between snooping and letting my guy have enough privacy and space. I am totally on the fence with this one. I have been the snoop-er and the snoop-ee, and I sure know it doesn't feel good when someone pulls PI work on you! Here in the next few weeks when I have enough $$$ I am planning on doing some snooping of my own, and I'm a little torn over it. If you simply have a gut feeling something is wrong, is that enough to snoop? Or do you think you have to have some kind of evidence first that you feel warrants a search for even more evidence? What do you think would be some good examples of gray areas? Just trust your guts and snoop. Does he allow you full access to his emails, phone records, and credit card bills? If no, why not? You're his wife, right.....and not some roommate.
jerbear Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 I believe in trust but verify. Simple response. If you feel the need to verify over snooping then do it.
allhopelost Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 I have been married for 19 years and in that time span i have only felt it necessary to "snoop" a handfull of times. When snooping, be discrete, especially if you are going on nothing more than a "gut feeling". That way when you do snoop and there is nothing found, there are no explanations needed. You can take comfort that you are proactively protecting your relationship and that is not such a terrible thing to conceal. However, keep in mind that if you develop a "gut feeling", often times it is for a reason, and you have every right in a relationship to investigate. Trust me, people, even the ones you hold most dear, are capable of making very, very bad decisions and the direct result of those bad decisions could put you personally or your relationship in harms way. Take the advice that so many have given me and take care of yourself and put your interests first and foremost.
imagine Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 Hi, It was me. Guilty as charged. From the beginning of a relationship -honesty should be embraced. I believe it should be understood by both parties that their partner will be tested. Honest people are tempted and they particularly need to expose the thoughts that are working through there minds. There spouse should defend and protect them and not allow temptation to work them over. Before you marry, all the past, present and potentially future deeds needs to be revealed -not in detail - but enough to give a true representation of who you are. I believe that true relationship is about forgiving and building a better friendship. Snooping should never be revealed. It loses its efficacy. If you catch them doing something right -quietly reward them without revealing your sources. Snooping should be about loving your partner, and not about controlling them.
FreezorBurn Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 (edited) I don't know if I will ever fully trust my wife again. "The end justifies the means." Thank god I snooped and caught her before she screwed the dirtbag. Now I take her phone and check here txt right in front of her. Dyfunctional marriage? Maybe but I am on the brink of divorce she must be an open book or we split up and fight for the kids. Edited October 18, 2009 by FreezorBurn
seibert253 Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 I believe in trust but verify. Simple response. If you feel the need to verify over snooping then do it. Couldn't have said it any better.
Recommended Posts