t146 Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 I'm new here. I'm 41 and recently started seeing an ex girlfriend who I'll refer to as Jane (she's 27) and we agreed to be friends w/benefits and not get into a relationship. We do go out shopping and do other things together and she's a coworker. Sounds good at first but I've developed feelings again and she hasn't. I was hoping she would develop feelings too because we have so much fun together. Everything seems to be on her terms though. I've bent over backwards for her and it seems to be fruitless. I know I've probably made myself too available because I'm always there for her and she seems to take advantage of it. She isn't very stable and cancels plans (plans that she suggests!) all the time. Frustration is an understatement. I've put in so much time, effort and money for her and she is grossly unappreciative. But, I can't seem to get her out of my mind. We have about a 5 year history of highs and lows (we lived together for 2 years) but somehow we always have that special connection. I ruined a potentially great relationship this last summer with a different woman because "Jane" broke up with her boyfriend and started coming around again. Did I mention that she likes to play the field too? I don't seem to have any other options as I live in a small town. I could write an entire book here, but this is the general info. Any suggestions to keep me from pulling all of my hair out!?
jinx55 Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 You DO have other options even in a small town. I personally would rather be single my entire life than spend time with someone who makes me bend over backwards for them. Even in today's society with hectic lives, anyone who cancels plans all the time is using you as a backup plan in case her other plans go bust. (I know I have had it happen to me and 3 times and I'm out) If you can't talk with someone that you want to be in a relationship with and basically say hey I think this should be 50/50 and we have to work on this without them agreeing to it or even if they do agree and don't follow through then get rid of them. Love is in your brain and is an addiction which can either be very healthy or very unhealthy depending on the relationship. This sounds like the unhealthy kind and you should drop it (her) like a bad habit.
Jersey Shortie Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Yes. I suggest you get rid of Jane. She isn't going to change. I have dated older men myself and they were always mor serious about me then I was with of them. She clearly doesn't see you serious.
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