onewillburn Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 This morning I feel both abandoned and guilty. We were together for two years in what was such an unhealthy relationship in retrospect. I wanted to leave with at least the positive memories of it, but it's hard because I woke up today thinking about all of the things she has said disregarding our relationship. I know I shouldn't let it affect me, but I've never had an ex say such serious things about me or a previous relationship I was in with them. She tells me I manipulated her and tried to change her, which isn't true at all. She makes it seem like I took advantage of her low self esteem (which she did have, admittedly) in order to further my own ego. I put so much of myself into that relationship that it was literally exhausting. She did, too. There was a lot of pain and heartache and work. I taught her so much and yet she seems so ungrateful. It's insulting. It's definitely a good thing that it's over, but I feel so bad that she has left the relationship with such a negative impression of me, whereas I still remember the connection we had. I'm starting to think maybe I was the only one whoever had the connection. When she talks of the relationship, she talks of misery. It makes me feel ****ty sometimes. But, whatever. I'm venting. The pain I feel now isn't very bad at all. Since I made that post on Friday where I decided I couldn't eat at all, I've felt much stronger. Yesterday was my mother's birthday, and some drama ended up ensuing with my father (who has been divorced from my mother since I was a kid) and his new fiancee who showed up to knowingly cause trouble. My mother had to call the police and file a harassment report against them because apparently they've been calling my mother drunk at 3 in the morning calling her all sorts of names, etc. Completely embarassing situation for me and my family, and it's never good when the cops have to get involved. I told my father what a ****ty thing he had done and that it was about time for him to start acting like an adult. He kind of looked ashamed and just walked away. Later on that night, my mom went to the bar to celebrate her birthday with her boyfriend. But apparently her boyfriend left her at the bar. On her birthday. So my mom is walking home, kind of drunk, in fairly cold and windy weather because her boyfriend decided to ditch her. Obviously I went out and picked up her up, but when I saw her she didn't say a word about what happened. She just looked incredibly sad and depressed. I feel so bad for her and plan on somehow trying to make it up to her today. The point is that through another person's pain, I've gained strength and perspective. Even when you're older, things happen that can hurt you and that are beyond your control. I didn't even think about my problems yesterday, just tried to make my mother feel better. I don't think I've ever felt that close to her before.
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