Meeting the guy who was a jerk to me at a party and I don't know how to be around him

[carhill]

So, asking her out (her words, first sentence of OP) is not in conflict with his commitment to his GF? Cool, I'm looking forward to my next marriage to try that out

[tinktronik]

So, asking her out (her words, first sentence of OP) is not in conflict with his commitment to his GF? Cool, I'm looking forward to my next marriage to try that out

 

Was is a maybe we could get lunch sometime???

 

From what's posted here it seems the OP over-thinks situations quite a lot.

[carhill]

OK, moving on to the second sentence:

 

He has always been indirect, he's also the one who always flirted with me etc.

 

Are we really saying he's pursuing a platonic relationship here? OK, I'll find some LSD and see how that trip goes...

 

OP, at the party, polite indifference would be my suggestion. No 'hugs', no 'flirting', IMO.

[Angel1111]

I don't see how he's a jerk.

 

I think she said that he set up some dates and then backed out, and then acts like nothing happened. Sounds like a jerk to me. Not to mention that he already has a gf.

[The Collector]

I think she said that he set up some dates and then backed out, and then acts like nothing happened.

 

That seems to be the implication, but I don't see the details - and if he did, we all have the right to change our minds. His supposed jerkiness seems more about the fact that he might not be that into her. Which is similar to men calling women bitches or sluts because they don't want them.

[carhill]

Yes, when intellect and attraction don't match up, a jerk is usually involved

[Angel1111]

That seems to be the implication, but I don't see the details - and if he did, we all have the right to change our minds. His supposed jerkiness seems more about the fact that he might not be that into her. Which is similar to men calling women bitches or sluts because they don't want them.

 

She wrote, "he led me on and asked me out but didn't keep his word and then tried to do as if nothing was wrong." I guess it's not clear on what it means by him not keeping his word so I guess the jury's still out. You're right, though, he's not into her and that's not a crime. At best, he has erratic behavior and she needs to read that as a clear sign of disinterest.

[D-Lish]

If you have to run into this guy- the best way to act is UNPHASED.

Be totally cool- don't ignore him 100% because that is a dead give away that you are upset, and if you are upset, you obviously care.

 

More than likely, flirting is just a way of life for him and he probably doesn't think much about who he calls and who he doesn't call. Your best line of defence is to act like you don't care.

 

Give him the "heyyyyyyyyyyyy. how's it going???" A hug, then move into talking to the next person you see, giving them the same generic hello as you did him.

 

Don't give him any more or any less than that.

 

The more unphased you are, the more he will question why he didn't impact you in any way.