Meeting the guy who was a jerk to me at a party and I don't know how to be around him

[LB85]

So this guy was a jerk to me, its a long story (as they all are) but the point is that he led me on and asked me out but didn't keep his word and then tried to do as if nothing was wrong. He has always been indirect, he's also the one who alwasy flirted with me etc.

 

Now I know I should definitely NOT flirt with him when I see him but I don't know how to be if he again pretends everything is the same and nothing is wrong, because there is and I'm still hurting.

 

We haven't been in touch in almost 2 months now so I don't know how it's going to go. I don't want to be all friendly and stuff though because I was always nice to him and always kept my word, whereas he just pushed me in all directions. I know its my own fault but this guy was just really shrewd (even for the least naive ones).

 

Anyway, I don't want to be all friendly and let him hug me etc but just keep him at a distance. Is that ok? How do I act if he tries to talk to me etc? Is it ok to show I'm angry or atleast in disgust:p? In other words, how should I go about situations that could arise. And if he completely ignores me, how should I get over his rudeness? Thank you!

[CaliGuy]

Let me get this straight.

 

Guy is a jerk to you.

Guy leads you on.

 

Why do you even need to talk to him? Just ignore him. He's not worth your time.

[JohnP82]

I really don't understand why some guys turn into jerks...

[You'reasian]

So this guy was a jerk to me, its a long story (as they all are) but the point is that he led me on and asked me out but didn't keep his word and then tried to do as if nothing was wrong. He has always been indirect, he's also the one who alwasy flirted with me etc.!

 

Your sentences sound contradictory. Explain.

 

In other words, how should I go about situations that could arise. And if he completely ignores me, how should I get over his rudeness? Thank you!

 

You say you don't want him to hug you and "would rather keep it at a distance". If he completely ignores you, you have nothing to worry about and can go about your business.

Edited October 18, 2009 by You'reasian

[JustLooking123]

Don't approach him. If he approaches you, just act cordial but not warm or friendly. Just have fun and pretend like he's not there.

 

And if he completely ignores me, how should I get over his rudeness?

 

Um, what do you expect from him at this point? You should probably be completely ignoring HIM, so it shouldn't matter. Again, just pretend like he's not there. Don't let him spoil your fun night. This will show him that you've moved on.

[Odyssey]

Just pretend like he isn't there and enjoy yourself at the party! If you do happen to speak to him, then just be polite, keep it brief and move on. Don't let this jerk get to you. Have fun party gurl

[You'reasian]

I really don't understand why some guys turn into jerks...

 

I think its a gradual progression.

 

1. Gentlemen go out, date and learn from experiences good and bad.

2. Gentlemen observe experiences of others.

3. Other people, not involved in the relationships or outside factors influence the gentleman's datability.

4. Men decide whether to continue the course of gentlemanly behavior in the face of results he gets - he can continue to demonstrate what women say they want and what may be true to his own person - being kind, loyal, caring, respectful etc.

 

or

 

he can adjust, being less kind, less loyal, caring, respectful etc.

 

5. Depending on his results, his dating behavior is thus changed.

[alphamale]

if its that big an issue don't go to the party but my suspicion is you are attracted to him cause he treated you badly and you want to hook up with him again and thats why you're going

[CaliGuy]

I really don't understand why some guys turn into jerks...

 

Because it turns on a lot of ignorant women because in their head:

 

Jerk = confidence.

 

That's not how a CONFIDENT man acts. It's how an insecure BOY acts because he knows being a wuss won't attract women. They learn to be jerks because they watch the behavior of other men and think that's how they have to act to get women.

 

It works on/off. Mostly on naive women though. Intelligent, confident, secure women laugh in the face of true jerky guys.

 

Confident, secure, happy guys don't need to act like jerks. And -- the women they get are highly sought after. And to top if off, they keep them. Unlike the jerk who goes through women on "weekly" basis. Yes, he's probably scoring but deep down, he's still not happy.

 

Cheers.

[You'reasian]

Because it turns on a lot of ignorant women because in their head:

 

Jerk = confidence.

 

That's not how a CONFIDENT man acts. It's how an insecure BOY acts because he knows being a wuss won't attract women. They learn to be jerks because they watch the behavior of other men and think that's how they have to act to get women.

 

It works on/off. Mostly on naive women though. Intelligent, confident, secure women laugh in the face of true jerky guys.

 

Confident, secure, happy guys don't need to act like jerks. And -- the women they get are highly sought after. And to top if off, they keep them. Unlike the jerk who goes through women on "weekly" basis. Yes, he's probably scoring but deep down, he's still not happy.

 

Cheers.

 

Women who are intelligent, beautiful inside and out, secure, loyal and sociable scare away alot of guys who are jerks. Reason being is that these women know themselves, know what they bring to the table and won't waste their time.

[Johnny M]

Let me get this straight.

 

Guy is a jerk to you.

Guy leads you on.

 

Why do you even need to talk to him? Just ignore him. He's not worth your time.

Because women find guys who treat them like crap "intriguing". Sounds stupid, I know, but that's how it is.

[LB85]

I have to say I completely agree with CaliGuy! I am naive but I am also hard to get and in my case its also true that the good guys fear rejection or by accident doing or saying soemthing I wouldn't like. Women (most) like it when the guy is slightly more aggressive in his approach, thus the players and jerks who don't really care about the outcome.

 

I also agree that the players are the most insecure people. I myself don't just frivolously date because I don't need a man, I want a man so not every guy can just make a chance with sweet talk. Thats definitely what I tried with this guy, I would always dismiss his smooth talk and extra kindness but he would keep trying to be friendly...it was strange and yes it did feel like a challenge, thus making him all the more attractive.

 

However, someone mentioned me still being attracted to him and that is true but I don't want anything from him. Actually, I do...what I want is him to feel sorry for treating me the way he did.

 

P.S we never hooked up, he just wanted me to keep liking him...for his own insecurity since he needed the ego boost despite having a girlfriend already!

[carhill]

P.S we never hooked up, he just wanted me to keep liking him...for his own insecurity since he needed the ego boost despite having a girlfriend already!

 

 

Not another one of those threads....

[thegreatmoose]

I really don't understand why some guys turn into jerks...

 

I am naive but I am also hard to get and in my case its also true that the good guys fear rejection or by accident doing or saying soemthing I wouldn't like. Women (most) like it when the guy is slightly more aggressive in his approach, thus the players and jerks who don't really care about the outcome.

You got your answer.

[Angel1111]

Because it turns on a lot of ignorant women because in their head:

 

Jerk = confidence.

 

You're dead wrong. This is not the kind of behavior that a woman would equate to confidence. The guy is a jerk and the OP has no self-esteem whatsoever.

[Angel1111]

I have to say I completely agree with CaliGuy! I am naive but I am also hard to get and in my case its also true that the good guys fear rejection or by accident doing or saying soemthing I wouldn't like. Women (most) like it when the guy is slightly more aggressive in his approach, thus the players and jerks who don't really care about the outcome.

 

I also agree that the players are the most insecure people. I myself don't just frivolously date because I don't need a man, I want a man so not every guy can just make a chance with sweet talk. Thats definitely what I tried with this guy, I would always dismiss his smooth talk and extra kindness but he would keep trying to be friendly...it was strange and yes it did feel like a challenge, thus making him all the more attractive.

 

However, someone mentioned me still being attracted to him and that is true but I don't want anything from him. Actually, I do...what I want is him to feel sorry for treating me the way he did.

 

P.S we never hooked up, he just wanted me to keep liking him...for his own insecurity since he needed the ego boost despite having a girlfriend already!

 

I'm actually stunned that you would think ill-manners means confidence. That is completely ridiculous. You're giving this guy WAY too much of your time and attention. I can't believe you'd give this much thought to a guy who treats you in such a way. It's not even like you have a relationship with him. You hardly even know him. I hate to say it but you're beyond naive.

[Angel1111]

Because it turns on a lot of ignorant women because in their head:

 

Jerk = confidence.

 

Earlier I said that this was absolutely untrue - I can now see that I was the one who was dead wrong. It seems there are women who think dismissive and rude manners are the mark of a confident guy. Good God.

[carhill]

Maybe the OP should tell the guy's GF what a jerk he is

[Angel1111]

 

Not another one of those threads....

 

Yes....yet another one. I'm sure it'll be the last one, though, don't you?

[carhill]

I could be a jerk and say 'no way', but I'm optimistic, not to be confused with a nice guy

[Trialbyfire]

P.S we never hooked up, he just wanted me to keep liking him...for his own insecurity since he needed the ego boost despite having a girlfriend already!

This is your first clue about jerkdom...

 

Just ignore him. Don't crank up the drama and for that matter, give your head a shake, since you knew he was previously committed. Where's your self-respect and ethics?

[The Collector]

I don't see how he's a jerk. More like he was flirting but just wasn't that into you. Will I get an infraction if I use the term 'cunt-tease' twice in one day? But feel free to explain how he 'didn't keep his word' which sounds kinda nebulous.

 

As for how you should react, if you honestly just want him to apologize for messing with your emotions, you could always tell him he upset you. He may well apologize.

 

However, if you want more than that, and I think you do, there are two ways to snag this sexy 'jerk.' The cool way - be nice and pleasant, keep interaction with him to a minimum, and be the hottest girl in his vicinity some time. This is what most women would advise, as it keeps your dignity intact.

 

Alternatively put your hands down his pants when he's drunk and proceed to be give him the best sex he's ever had. Less classy maybe, but more likely to work in the real world.

[GorillaTheater]

Will I get an infraction if I use the term 'cunt-tease' twice in one day?

 

Knock it off, Collector. Little kids could be reading this s***.

 

On topic though, I tend to agree with your points.

[carhill]

The profanity filter is off...WTF?

 

OP, as I hinted very poorly way upthread, focus on the reality that party guy has a GF, and let that reality guide your responses

[tinktronik]

If this guy did not take you out it means he did not cheat on his GF... I don't really see how he's such a jerk..