Cranialrupture Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 Ok its been two weeks since my wife said she's not happy and not in love anymore and leaving. Obviously it's been hard but its slowly getting better. Anyways since she left I have gotten alot of advice to take care of myself, because being happy with myself is first and foremost. So I have been trying to keep busy, went out and bought some new clothes and shoes, etc. The wife has been really sick the past week and a half. She got so bad she went into the hospital thursday night by ambulance because she couldn't breathe. She was released the following day. She had pneumonia and the piggy flu. So I have had the kids with me for a little over a week. Which I have absolutely enjoyed. Tiring but enjoyable at the same time. Well it was my oldest kids' birthday saturday (yesterday) so I threw a small party and bought him some presents. Now I dont have alot of money at the moment but was able to get him a few things by using clearance racks and found a good deal on a used ipod shuffle. He was absolutely thrilled for the party and extremely happy for his presents. Him, sister and bother obviously talked to their mom over the phone and went on and on about how good of a time they were having and all the stuff they have done and gotten. I have not been the best dad in the past. Sure I made sure they didn't burn the house down and were fed and clothed and so on. But I wasn't there for them on an emotional level that they needed. So I have picked up a few books on parenting and the results have been amazing. I truly enjoy my kids as I never had before and the progress they have made in a week is amazing. So here comes my problem. The wife has obviously seen me in new clothes and with kids constantly going on about all the stuff they have gotten (which really isn't a whole lot) and the stuff they have done. I mean there were bragging to their mom about the big bag of malt o meal cereal I got on sale at the store. After the birthday party. (cake was made from two boxes of 49 cent brownies some vanilla frosting and candles. Expensive huh. lol.) I get a text from the wife saying quote "why r u trying to make me look bad. I understand that u want to be the dad u never were but buying their love is not the way to do it and flaunting all this money i know u don't have only disgusts me" How do I take this? Do i even worry about it? I dont have much money. She took all the money out of the account and closed it when she left. Plus she hasn't paid any of the bills for like two months when she said she had, so the bills are sky high and I dont have alot of money but her perception is that I am buying their love. They loved me before, i just have grown closer to them in the past little while. Do I ignore it, try to get her to see reason, spill my finances and how much I spent to her or is this just a jealousy comment from her? What do you guys think.
dazedandconfused2008 Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 I think your doing a great job with the kids because really it should be about you AND your kids from this point on. It was her choice to leave for whatever reason and the fact that your starting to see the changes that you saw were lacking in your life and kids life and to DO them is something to be admired. Your wife may be jealous or questioning your intentions or questioning herself but really what does it matter what she thinks? The fact that your kids are happy during this difficult time should be all that matters to BOTH of you. These situations are so hard for them. Life goes on and kids need routine and stability as much as possible. Its good to celebrate their birthdays and have holidays and most of all the time they can spend with you. I can only wish that my ex would do the same for me and my kids. Sometimes when a couple are going through such hard times we get so caught up with emotions, and attention is focused with the other person that we forget about the little ones that are hurting just as bad if not more. Continue working on yourself, continue building a relationship with your kids, and dont let anyone make you feel bad about the things that make you feel good about yourself. Well done!
cyabye Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 Been there, did that, got the t-shirt to prove it. You know you are not buying their love. The kids know it too. I would ignore her. Sounds like she is feeling guilty. That's her emotion to deal with. Keep taking care of yourself and your kids. Hope this helps, cyabye
Logik Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 You don't have to justify anything you do to her. Justification is only a defense mechanism to get rid of guilt. Do you feel guilty about the fact that you're closer to your kids? No you aren't, so there's absolutely no reason to even entertain any conversation about this to her. She lost the right to prod into your business when she left. Ignore it.
Author Cranialrupture Posted October 18, 2009 Author Posted October 18, 2009 Thank you so much for the answers. I guess I already knew all that but it just seems to be more concrete when told from someone else. She actually sent another text a little while ago that said "sry bout last night just everytime i talked to the kids it was daddy bought this daddy bought that daddy gave me this and this and it was a rough day, i miss the kids and then not even seeing him on his bday it all got to me and hearing all u bought him him knowing i have nothing and no money made me feel that way" Funny how that all worked out.
Gunny376 Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 (edited) Twxt this "You gave up your bit chin' rights the day you moved out! You officially gave up any and all rights to make commentary about what I do, when I do it, and with whom. Along with how I live my life. You gave up any and all rights to such about how I parent, in so long as I am in compliance with normal and standards of parenting. You gave up any and all rights as to how I spend my money and manage my finances. I provided you with a home and the necessities of life. If your having problems financially? That's what it is! YOUR PROBLEM! Edited October 19, 2009 by Gunny376
phineas Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 My wife did the same thing after she moved out. I got a playset, sand box, wadeing pool, playhouse, fence for the yard, & different living room furniture. I got the same pity party. The thing is, she wanted me to get all those things for the kids & complained because we couldn't afford them NEW. Well, it never dawned on her that if we couldn't buy that stuff with two incomes that I could magically afford it on one income & now paying ALL the bills. I can't. I got it all for free or close to free using craigs list & just knowing people getting rid of stuff. I found it funny. If it wasn't new, it wasn't good enough. Yet everything was obviously used & now I was trying to buy the kids love with things she considered sub-par? LOL!
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