AD1980 Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 We all want to think the person we fall in love with is our soulmate and the only person we could ever connect with on that level but allot of times its just not true I dont know how many times i seen in the work place married people who arent even in a bad marriage and emotionally cheat with a co worker because of all the time they spend together.. Seeing all this has gotten me a little pessimsitic on love and the whole soulmate idea.. The person we end up marrying might be only one of tons of people we might have married if we met earlier,and maybe those people we didnt meet or met too late we find out we have evne more of an emotional and physical conect with then our current spouse.. Im not condoning cheatign emotionally or physically at all im just saying how maybe love is nothing mroe then emtoional and physical lust along with societies pressure for people to get married.. Maybe humans arent made to be with just one person our whole lives and theres tons of people we could have gotten the same connection with emotionally and physically not just the person we ended up with.. I dunno im just a little pessimsitic after i see what happens at the workplace..
quankanne Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 I don't buy into the "your spouse/SO" is your soulmate and/or best friend – I consider my two dearest friends my soulmates because they know me better than anyone else. They "get" me, and they still love me. I will go on to say that what I share with my husband is something incredibly unique that I've never had before, and that – coupled with love and a belief in us*– helped me take that leap of faith without looking back. love cannot be considered lust, or it wouldn't actually be love. I'm guessing that you're in your 20s or 30s and jaded by life experiences. I say hold on, and be prepared to be surprised out of the blue.
Author AD1980 Posted October 18, 2009 Author Posted October 18, 2009 (edited) I don't buy into the "your spouse/SO" is your soulmate and/or best friend – I consider my two dearest friends my soulmates because they know me better than anyone else. They "get" me, and they still love me. I will go on to say that what I share with my husband is something incredibly unique that I've never had before, and that – coupled with love and a belief in us*– helped me take that leap of faith without looking back. love cannot be considered lust, or it wouldn't actually be love. I'm guessing that you're in your 20s or 30s and jaded by life experiences. I say hold on, and be prepared to be surprised out of the blue. I hear you im a little jaded form what i see at work and people cosntnatly emotionally and physically cheating..It just seems to me that if theyres a decent amount of people from the oppsoite sex allot of us can connect with on that physical and emotional level then how special is it really??? Edited October 18, 2009 by AD1980
Knittress Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 In my mind all those bittersweet out-of-sync moments between people who COULD have been happy together, makes the choice of staying with one person that much more special.
Skump Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 We all want to think the person we fall in love with is our soulmate This can and does happen. However, it's not only an issue of deep compatibility, it's a connection that has to be created over time. My parents are absolutely each other's best friends and soul mates, for any serious sense of the latter term. There's nothing "fairy tale" about it. An element of luck is involved, of course. and the only person we could ever connect with on that level This, on the other hand, is BS. Statistically it's hugely improbable that the person you just happened to meet is the ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD you could've ever loved ferociously.
kimflute26 Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 Ya I sort of agree with you. I don't think love in itself is a joke, but I dont really believe in "soulmates" or that were meant to be with one particular person. Basically to me its very simple. You either want to be with someone or you dont. You look at a person's good and bad qualities and either commit to them or you decide not to. And even if you find someone who you like a whole lot, there may be (and probably is) someone else that you could be just as happy with. I mean... there are TONS of people out there... but you only experience a handful of them due to all the circumstances of life. So to me it's almost like a crazy game of what circumstances will lead you to be with certain people.......
Pedigree Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 (edited) I think the problem is not whether or not these concepts are fairytailish. I think the problem is people expecting love to be like a fairytale. Edited October 18, 2009 by Pedigree
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 We all want to think the person we fall in love with is our soulmate and the only person we could ever connect with on that level but allot of times its just not true This is very true. I fell deeply in love with my XH and was positive because I had never felt those feelings before that he was my "soul mate." I obviously no longer believe that because you don't do what he did to me if they are your "soul mate." I also was sure, though, that I'd never feel that way again. That wasn't true, either. So I don't believe in soul mates anymore. Maybe humans arent made to be with just one person our whole lives and theres tons of people we could have gotten the same connection with emotionally and physically not just the person we ended up with.. I also feel this is true, however - I feel that humans are more than the sum total of their biological impulses to seek out a variety of partners. We prove our snuff when we can commit to one person and we actually DO commit for life. I have a lot of respect for people that stay married and faithful to one person their whole life through. I definitely know it can't be easy at times.
EarthGirl Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 This can and does happen. However, it's not only an issue of deep compatibility, it's a connection that has to be created over time. My parents are absolutely each other's best friends and soul mates, for any serious sense of the latter term. There's nothing "fairy tale" about it. An element of luck is involved, of course. It was the same for my grandparents. They are definitely soulmates. My grandma just died, they had been married 67 years...but they knew eachother long before that as my grandpa pointed out several times when we went to stay with him for the funeral. They met as kids then dated and fell in love as teenagers, got married in their 20's and ended up having four kids...but I don't think their connection was ever "created over time"...honestly the way he talked reminiscing not only over their many decades together and all their life experiences, both wonderful and difficult...but over when they were younger and started falling in love...it was pretty much all there from the beginning. Not all of us get so lucky though of course.
BookerT Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 The reason it's hard to find a soulmate these days is because relationships start with lust and this stupid thing called chemistry which is a terrible predictor of true compatibility. People don't even get to know each other well or become like best friends in a relationship. Most people want to go for the fireworks romance like the movies, and not a slow burning candle and that's why most people are failing in their relationships.
Devil Inside Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 I don't believe in soulmates. Now ask me that question at the beginning of a relationship and I'll probably tell you different. That is because part of the chemical process of falling love makes you believe this is the only person in the world you could ever love. I am positive that there are many women that would be a great match for me...and that I could fall in love with. However..this does not mean that when you find one you should not value it. A loving connection with another is a gift. It may not be unique...but it is a gift. Treasure it.
EarthGirl Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 the chemicals in my brain won't let me fall in love ever again unless it is my soulmate cause it just hurts too much AND unless he treated me like an absolute queen...actually not sure if I'm capable of ever falling in love again period without going insane. I treasure my loving connection with my cat. she's an angel and has never hurt me. men are devils (ha ha no offense devil 666). I may be up for trying a lesbian relationship at some point...if only for a loving friendship along with some physical pleasure that i've not had much of and somewhat of a romantic connection. I don't think that's where I'll end up though, probably will just end up alone, (but not totally alone for sure with a cat ....I'd like another dog someday too, and my dream is to have a horse.) I am a little bi-curious and I think women are beautiful but I really prefer men by far as far as romance goes...but I really to my very bones based on life experiences and hearing from so many others believe that women are so much easier to love as far as romance goes and not playing games. I'm sure there ARE women who play games and horrible ones it's just you know like maybe a third of the stuff that goes on with men. I don't believe men are really devils, I'm just getting that out of my system. When it comes to their careers their moms and dad and their children , and best buds, and overall contributing to the world, they can be wonderful wonderful caring people...but sometimes when it comes to women they can be less so...and I don't know what it is, just the way it is. With women I think it's more above board...even if hearts get broken, it's not in a devious way...I don't know.
Brady_to_Moss Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 No matter who you marry, there will always be someone out there who will fit you better. You date in your area. I am from MA so i will date or maybe even marry a girl from here...if i lived in texas then i would marry someone from there ect. Its all lust.
stepka Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 I"m a completely romantic lady, and I don't believe in soulmates. At least I don't believe that there is only one of them for you. I do believe in reincarnation though, so I believe that there may be many people out there that you've come in contact with before and in different relationship configurations. I don't believe that love is just lust either, though there is that component in a romantic relationship. They say that what we think of as falling in love is a feeling that only lasts about 2 years in a relationship, which is why I'm all for waiting 2 years after you fall in love to get married. Then, if you still love each other and the feeling is getting stronger rather than wearing off, go for it.
Skump Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 I don't think that's where I'll end up though, probably will just end up alone, (but not totally alone for sure with a cat ....I'd like another dog someday too, and my dream is to have a horse.) Er, why don't you try dating more decent guys? Find somebody with his head screwed on straight who is willing to wait for sex until he's learned about who you actually are, and be clear and explicit about what you expect from the relationship. Embrace radical honesty. I'll bet objective 3rd parties could've identified tons of red flags in earlier relationships if they really went down in flames. With women I think it's more above board...even if hearts get broken, it's not in a devious way...I don't know. Can't agree with you, which isn't to say that there aren't tons of manipulative sh*thead men. But if you avoid the men who are too eager to jump your bones, you will thereby avoid a lot of problems. Women, at least as they're raised in the USA, typically have a fundamentally irrational approach to relationships based on expecting others to interpret their unspoken cues, and are prone to an inflated sense of entitlement, as well as a fallacy of reasoning which goes "If X makes me feel bad, X must BE bad." Honestly, I think it's a wash. IMO, as broad groups, men and women each have their departments of excellence in douchebaggery. You could say they deserve each other.
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 I am positive that there are many women that would be a great match for me...and that I could fall in love with. However..this does not mean that when you find one you should not value it. A loving connection with another is a gift. It may not be unique...but it is a gift. Treasure it. :love: EXACTLY. A very important point and I'm glad it was articulated so well. Thanks, Devil. I totally agree with this. I don't believe there is only "one" for anybody. But whomever you have in your life that you love and they love you - THAT IS THE ONE. Always remember that and respect the gifts they are giving you - 1. the opportunity to love and 2. the opportunity to BE loved. It is most certainly something to be treasured and valued.
Beerme Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 I don't buy into the whole soulmate thing either. I think there are a number of people that I could be happy with for the rest of my life. I just haven't met any of them yet. In fact, I'd be pretty disappointed if there were only one woman in the whole world that I was meant to be with. I mean, it would totally suck if the night I was supposed to meet her, but on the way out to the bar, my car broke down. I say this as a joke, but as you can tell, I'm not one that subscribes to fate either. I say, I make my own future. One of the funnier things I read a few years ago at theonion.com was the headline, "Woman Leaves First Soulmate for New Soulmate." I thought that was hilarious.
quankanne Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 will have to look up that Onion article then how special is it really??? each love relationship you go through is special in and of itself, though sometimes it may feel that the love is one-sided on your end, and so you question it ... but I can tell you that after almost 20 years, there's something so incredibly unique about what I have with my husband that I can't compare it to what I've had with anyone else. Yes, he drives me up the wall, he pisses me off, he makes me see red at times ... yet there's that uniqueness about our relationship that I honestly cannot picture sharing with someone else. Maybe because it's the first time I've felt and had it? I'd like to think that if something were to happen to us – death, divorce – that I could find that spark in another relationship ... not to where it'd supercede what me & Mr. Q have, but beautifully complement it ... but that's just the romantic in me
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