WalkInThePark Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 Worse. He bought an apartment 400 meters from where I live. . And while this is not a new idea of his and something he planned to do for a while (as he is - understandably - fed up with commuting every day by car), it always sounded as if that was something he would do after leaving his W. But instead they are going to live so bloody close to my place. Even if the chance that I would bump into them is not that big, I just don't like the idea. Can't forbid him to live where he wants to live of course. I also don't like that fact that after having heard all the talk about not having a lot in common anymore with his W, after having heard that he is fed up with her being depressed and being his fourth child, he still believes that he is going to change her into the dynamic, vibrant woman she was. Twenty years ago. xMM is a fixer, a man with a plan. He is convinced that all the problems he and his W had, are due to external circumstances. He having to commute every day and the fact that they have a small company together (which allows W to work from home). He says all that contributed to no longer having quality time together. ??? Is a lack of quality time together a reason for an A? Wouldn't you think that someone who does not have a lot of time, would not rather put it in his M? BTW, we choose to be still friends. It's bloody difficult but I think we will manage. The move won't happen before the summer next year. For me, the longer they wait, the better.
whattodonow12 Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 That is tough, but, you know what? If he tries this and it doesn't work, then he will know that he has done everything he can to try and make things work in his marriage. I think that is one thing that really bothers MM. Just hang in there, work on yourself, and see what happens later. But, by no means, wait for him.. move on in your life Good luck! And, I agree... why have an affair to begin with? just work on what was wrong.
OpenBook Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 I also don't like that fact that after having heard all the talk about not having a lot in common anymore with his W, after having heard that he is fed up with her being depressed and being his fourth child, he still believes that he is going to change her into the dynamic, vibrant woman she was. Twenty years ago. xMM is a fixer, a man with a plan. He is convinced that all the problems he and his W had, are due to external circumstances. So she started out as a "dynamic, vibrant woman" and after 20 years of marriage to this prize "fixer" of a man, she is now depressed? Hmmmm.... Methinks he may be more like a "Destroyer" than a "Fixer." Just thank your lucky stars you're not married to him!!!, and get on with your life. Not your problem anymore.
bentnotbroken Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 So she started out as a "dynamic, vibrant woman" and after 20 years of marriage to this prize "fixer" of a man, she is now depressed? Hmmmm.... Methinks he may be more like a "Destroyer" than a "Fixer." Just thank your lucky stars you're not married to him!!!, and get on with your life. Not your problem anymore. My thoughts exactly. Seems like he is the reason she is depressed.
Author WalkInThePark Posted October 17, 2009 Author Posted October 17, 2009 So she started out as a "dynamic, vibrant woman" and after 20 years of marriage to this prize "fixer" of a man, she is now depressed? Hmmmm.... Methinks he may be more like a "Destroyer" than a "Fixer." Nope, she is not depressed because of him. She is depressed partly because it is in her genes (her mother was depressed as well and her brother is schizofrenic) and she does not really take good care of herself (like seeing a therapist, seeing a doctor for a number of physical problems she has and eating properly). The other reason is that they have a disabled child, which she has never been able to accept. xMM is a devoted family man who works hard, earns very good money, does a lot for and with the kids and has tried to be a good husband. But W is still depressed. And no, I don't think it is all her fault, there is probably also a wrong dynamic within their M. I try to move on but find it easier when xMM and his W are not on my "territory"...
Author WalkInThePark Posted October 17, 2009 Author Posted October 17, 2009 My thoughts exactly. Seems like he is the reason she is depressed. Her hubby just bought a fantastic big appartement in the historic center of the city with his good salary and she will own half of it while she hardly contributes financially. I don't immediately see how that can be depressing...
NoIDidn't Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 So she started out as a "dynamic, vibrant woman" and after 20 years of marriage to this prize "fixer" of a man, she is now depressed? Hmmmm.... Methinks he may be more like a "Destroyer" than a "Fixer." Just thank your lucky stars you're not married to him!!!, and get on with your life. Not your problem anymore. I agree. My thoughts exactly. Seems like he is the reason she is depressed. Again, I agree. Her hubby just bought a fantastic big appartement in the historic center of the city with his good salary and she will own half of it while she hardly contributes financially. I don't immediately see how that can be depressing... Maybe the fact that he is maintaining a friendship with you and you once had an affair with him is taking his emotional attentions away from her and that is what is depressing her. Seriously, you only have his word for it. I once read somewhere that the measure of a man is in his W's eyes. On them moving near you, I wouldn't care. You guys aren't friends. You are having an EA. If you were just friends, you wouldn't be so interested in his W's depression or bothered by the fact that he is staying with her and making a major life change with her (still). Its really sad that you have spent so much time in this thread with digs at his W. What has she ever done to you other than marrying him?
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