deejaylove Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 My relationship was almost five years and ended ten months ago because of an emotional affair that I found out about due to him being lax about hiding it (I walked in the room while he was checking his online dating account). I don't think he ever expected to get caught, and when he did get caught, he was surprised I kicked him out. We were working on reconciliation a few months later when I found out he had been sleeping with a "friend" and lying to me about it. We have had extremely limited contact since then. The story has much more to it, but I don't want to bore you. Anyway, I've had this amazing summer full of adventures and now that I find I'm not quite as busy, I miss him. It doesn't help that a couple of weeks ago he moved into an apartment right around the corner. I haven't really seen him, but I know he's there... and it hurts immensely. What's been difficult is that I didn't really know anything was wrong in our relationship for him to want to go off looking somewhere else, so I'm having a hard time getting over it. It's like a death. Especially because the rumor is that he's still seeing the "friend". My friends have all told me to get out there and date, which I have done a little of, but nothing ever goes anywhere. Mostly, I think, because I'm not in it at ALL... I truly just miss my ex. Anyway, does anyone have any insight they can share? I don't think it's reconciliation that I'm after... but I don't know how to take command of these thoughts.
Exit Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 It's a pretty deep wound when a relationship goes off-track when you don't have the slightest idea that your partner was unhappy. That's how I felt in my situation, I thought everything was fine and then suddenly it was over. I'm sure the same goes for you, if things had been going downhill or if you had any indication that he was unhappy, you might not have been so shocked to find him on a dating website, but considering it happened out of the blue, I'm sure it caused a lot of pain. 10 months really isn't that long after a 5 year relationship, it's normal to still be healing. I still think about my ex 24/7, and it's been 6 months since our 1.5 year relationship. Your friends are just trying to help you, but you can't force the "dating" thing. You're better off admitting that you aren't ready yet. Maybe a few casual dinner dates or movies would get your spirits up, remember just because you go on one date doesn't mean you're starting a new relationship. I applaud you for being strong enough to kick him to the curb in the first place. I think you did the right thing.
Author deejaylove Posted October 17, 2009 Author Posted October 17, 2009 Thanks for your thoughts Exit
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