quarterlifecrisis Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 I had been NC for 33 days, with very occasional cheats (I went to her FB page a few times). I had been doing quite a bit better. Yesterday, she messaged our mutual friend out of the blue and first started talking about how happy she is with her new bf, then asked about me. He didn't say much, just said I was doing really good. Previously, about a week before that, she had told him that she missed me and wanted to know how I was doing. A few minutes later, she messages me on IM. She says it's been a long time and she knows I want my space but she wanted to say hi. I stupidly responded after staring blankly at the screen for a few mins, but kept the conversation super short. It felt good that she was the one initiating contact. I knew she missed me, and it seemed like she wanted to check if I was still around. She was the one that was trying to get me to talk more and open up. After ending the conversation after a few minutes, I felt like I was on the path to recovery. I didn't need her, but she was still reaching out to me. Little did I know that a few hours later it would totally hit me. She became top of mind again. I thought about WHY she wanted to message me. Was she really happy with her new guy? Or was she just trying to say that to convince herself and others. Why did she break NC? To honestly check on me because she cares or to see if I would fall over again? Maybe she realized over the past month how much she misses me and is putting out feelers to get back together? Anyways I know this is all moot. And I know what everyone's advice is going to be - she's just testing me. She wants to feel secure, to know that I'm still there emotionally for her, but she doesn't really want me anymore. She won't get back with me. I need to move on. Etc etc. It's freaking hard though because I am still sorta holding out that we might get back together. Trying really hard to flush that thought out...but her starting to miss me and initiating contact makes me think its possible, albeit a small possibility. I wanted to write this all out though because for the past day I have been in complete and utter pain. Basically as bad as day one. I've thought about hurting myself even when just a couple days ago I was making significant improvements... Totally lost now. Not sure what to do. Could use some encouragement.
JaggedRoad Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 Why haven't you blocked her on your messenger program?
Thebob Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 Why haven't you blocked her on your messenger program? Amen to that man lol
Author quarterlifecrisis Posted October 17, 2009 Author Posted October 17, 2009 I didn't outright block her. I hid her so I would never see her. Maybe I should have blocked her though...
ATR Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 After a break-up there should be no way for her to contact you. In fact the only way should be her coming to your door and begging you back, everything else is nonsense - delete- block- from everything.
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