Untouchable_Fire Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 I am incredibly pathetic. So pathetic. And can you believe I’m sitting here thinking about agreeing to be his fwb while he ****s other girls, just so I don’t lose him completely? My thoughts of suicide have grown more frequent and serious. My life is a nightmare. I keep wishing for it to end. I have never been this bad. Shadow, You are a very nice girl. You can't make someone love you. This guy is begging you to let him go, He is giving you every reason to kick him out. This isn't the end. Things will get better for you! You don't have to take this kind of treatment from somebody. There are good men out there, that will love you, and treat you well. You will never find one if you waste your life away with this guy. Oh, and you should NEVER be afraid to post something on LoveShack. Most of the posters here are the most sad sorry sacks you will ever hear from. Complete mental rejects. Don't ever worry about what they think.
Kamille Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 Shadow, are you still seeing a therapist? Hang in there. This is as rough as it gets. You will get through this and things will get better.
Art_Critic Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 As expected he has treated me terribly. First off.. who expected it ?.. you ?.. if you did then the answer is that you are not listening to yourself. Second.. the answer is in the quoted post.. it is up to you to make the break once you realize that someone has disrespected you to the point of treating you badly. Third..The lying to the posters on LS that have tried to help you.. I've not posted tons on your threads so I'm not insulted by your lies but others might be and with full right to be.. I'll tell you a little story about a poster I tried to help on LS many moons ago.. I one time helped a poster with a tremendous amount of my time helping him over an addiction to Alcohol that caused a divorce in his/her life.. He/she quit drinking and posted about it for months and posted about his/her life without it, they quit with my help as well as the help of other LS'rs After tons of heartfelt advice over months and months of helping him/her and thru pm's etc etc he/she announced that he/she had never quit drinking at all and is still drinking.. He/she and I spoke after the announcement and it was resolved that I could not help her/him thru the internet. I have never posted again on one of his/her threads and absolutely refuse to believe anything he/she posts about anymore.. Just my experience..
Die Hard Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 Well just know that you helped me Art. When I needed support you were there and said to "treat her to silence". It was great advice and I've not stopped taking it to this day...so just know that you have helped people here SP, you need to listen to posters like Art. Also, being alone is not the worst thing in the world and is certainly preferable to being treated horribly.
SadandConfusedWA Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 Third..The lying to the posters on LS that have tried to help you.. I've not posted tons on your threads so I'm not insulted by your lies but others might be and with full right to be.. AC, I have posted on her threads a bit (not too much) and I almost feel insulted/betrayed. I can imagine how others who have posted much more than me feel. I find that posting on an ANONYMOUS internet forum and lying about something this major while continuing to receive advice from well meaning people on your imaginary/false situation really bizarre.
Die Hard Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 I don't know. You can look at it another way too. I think it also says she cares about what you guys think..which means she respects you. People often lie to those they care about so why would LS be any different? I've been though enough, and been here long enough to realize that sometimes we can't stop ourselves from self destructive behavior. She couldn't stop herself so she lied so she wouldn't disappoint. Not saying it's right but I don't think it's a huge deal either and support is more important at this point. Anyway jmo
Jilly Bean Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 Shadow, I don't think this thread should be in dating, but moreso personal confession Because I have to think you really only want to vent about him, and aren't seeking any genuine advice about the relationship. I don't feel betrayed by your admission, just saddened. For you. I had so much respect for you and was so proud of you for leaving this guy and the crap ass relationship, so honestly, I'm just really disappointed that you haven't grown out of him. Yet. Bottom line, you're still a raging masochist, and he's still a raging sadist. So, in a lot of ways, it's a perfect relationship. He's abusive, and you feel you deserve the abuse. Until the day you feel you are worth more than this sh*thead, you will stay with him, or someone like him. The one encouraging thing in this, is knowing you are still a young woman, and a lot of women have drama-filled toxic relationships in their 20's. Most grow out of it, so because I like you, I'm going to assume the best, and that you will also one day get over the mistreatment, love yourself, and move on from this guy.
Trialbyfire Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 shadow, the only person you've hurt is yourself, in remaining in this relationship, then not disclosing this to LS members. Realistically speaking, no one "owes" other members anything. I hope this confession is healing for you. Maybe this will be your turning point in realizing that the relationship wasn't worth the erosion on your self-esteem and integrity. Both of you made mistakes, enough that the relationship kept getting more dysfunctional. In the future, it will be something worth looking back on and saying "Not going to do that, ever again".
Die Hard Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 You still with us SP? Just hoping you are okay and handling things
Kamille Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Yes, SP, please come back and post. You will ge through this and it will make you stronger. There are plenty of people here who have offered their support, some of whom have been in your shoes.
SadandConfusedWA Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 I hope shadow is OK. I know that when I post something really emotional on here, I kind if cringe when I am thinking more clearly and sometimes can not even read all the replies on the thread because I don not want to get upset again. Perhaps shadow is feeling better but can not bear to re-visit the thread.
carhill Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Not since August 16th, to post anyway. I have no way of telling whether she's logged in or not. LS doesn't require a login to read. IME, such quiet time is processing time. Hope it works out
torranceshipman Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Sounds like you've been crapped on for most of your life and have zero self esteem as a result. You deserve great friends, and a great man as much as anyone else-this jerk has dragged you down as far as possible and seriously, he has big problems if he can enjoy treating a girl like absolute sh*t the way he has done with you. Of course you take him back, because you have no self esteem. You NEED to work on your self esteem more than anything else...stay out of romantic relationships for a while and go see a doc and have either a) your meds reviewed or b) ask for some for depression/etc. Try and find some ways to get some new interests, to get out there and occupy your mind, and GET AWAY from the piece of scum you've been involved with. He is a b*stard. The fact that you were bullied, that you are treated badly by this guy...it's NOTHING wrong with you that made those things happen, but one bad thing can start a bad cycle where you step into bad decisions too regularly, kinda like a habit. I am a teacher and see this happen and I think, if only these kids realized how awesome they are and see themselves how we all do, they'd never put themselves in a bad situation like that.... So I know you might not do this but...please get the jackass out of your life-he is an a**hole who takes pleasure in hurting you, as did those idiot bullies...they're all losers...so you need to make the personal choice to start hanging out with people who are nice, and taking a lot of personal time to develop yourself and work on your confidence and self esteem.
Ariadne Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 I’m sitting here thinking about agreeing to be his fwb while he ****s other girls, just so I don’t lose him completely Ok.. Btw, he probably cheated tons of times if he is confessing to this one.
Author shadowplay Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 I hope shadow is OK. I know that when I post something really emotional on here, I kind if cringe when I am thinking more clearly and sometimes can not even read all the replies on the thread because I don not want to get upset again. Perhaps shadow is feeling better but can not bear to re-visit the thread. This is true. I'm finally checking in again. After posting the thread, I've been cringing to myself and wondering if I should have. I was scared to read the responses, and I felt ashamed about misleading people. I was worried I would lose the respect of people I like if I came clean, which I probably have to a degree. But then I had to remind myself that honesty and getting better is more important than what other people think.
Author shadowplay Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 Shadow, I don't think this thread should be in dating, but moreso personal confession Because I have to think you really only want to vent about him, and aren't seeking any genuine advice about the relationship. I don't feel betrayed by your admission, just saddened. For you. I had so much respect for you and was so proud of you for leaving this guy and the crap ass relationship, so honestly, I'm just really disappointed that you haven't grown out of him. Yet. Bottom line, you're still a raging masochist, and he's still a raging sadist. So, in a lot of ways, it's a perfect relationship. He's abusive, and you feel you deserve the abuse. Until the day you feel you are worth more than this sh*thead, you will stay with him, or someone like him. The one encouraging thing in this, is knowing you are still a young woman, and a lot of women have drama-filled toxic relationships in their 20's. Most grow out of it, so because I like you, I'm going to assume the best, and that you will also one day get over the mistreatment, love yourself, and move on from this guy. Thank you, Jilly. I hope that everything you say is true about me growing out of it. Too often I feel like I'm sitting in an audience watching my life unfold. I need to take the reigns.
sb129 Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Honesty and getting better is more important than what other people think. Absolutely. You don't owe any of us anything SP. You owe YOURSELF a great deal of honesty and healing time, definitely.
Author shadowplay Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 Yes, SP, please come back and post. You will ge through this and it will make you stronger. There are plenty of people here who have offered their support, some of whom have been in your shoes. Hi Kamille, I'm back and OK. I've been distracting myself with work the last few days and avoiding this thread until now. But I'm doing OK all in all.
Kamille Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Thanks for posting again Shadow. I was a bit worried . You haven't lost any of my respect and really, as TBF pointed out, no one owes other members anything. You chose not to share that aspect of your life on here until now. As far as I am concerned, all we can do now is support you as best as we can through this rough patch.
sb129 Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 I agree with JB too- my 20s were full of partying and one man-drama after another. I don't miss the dramas AT ALL, sometimes I look back and cringe, other times I laugh at my former self. All of them led me to where I am now, which is in a very stable (the previous me would have said boring) and happy marriage which I appreciate much more as a result of all the said dramas. Your experiences will make you a stronger, better person in the long run- and there is no major rush to get there.
Author shadowplay Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 Aw Shadow, I'm so sorry. I agree that it explains a lot. It didn't make any sense to me that you would still be single. And all those threads where you were suddenly over-critical of your appearance make sense if he's been "trying to dump you" for months. I can't imagine how hard it must have been to keep a healthy self-esteem in these circumstances. The good news is: you will get better. I suspect the reason you stayed in this unhealthy relationship for so long is because you wanted to prove to yourself that you were worthy of love, his love. Your fear of being alone no doubt didn't help, and yet it got you stuck in a vicious cycle. You feared being alone so you stayed in an unhealthy relationship which did a number on your self-esteem. You therefore weren't out there, discovering new sides to yourself, making new friends, meeting new men. Truth is, you are a beautiful woman, insighful, sensitive and incredibly bright. Some real time alone will help you gain some strenght. Let it go Shadow, let him go, let it all go. Put it behind you: what you think you need to prove and the fears that constrain you. New page. New you. You can do this. And it will be beautiful. I so, so want to. It was interesting to read from your perspective how my singleness made no sense, because I've often felt like I would be single whether or not I was with him. I guess I figured if some fabulous guy came along and swept me off my feet, I would finally have the strength to leave my ex. When that didn't happen, I concluded it was because I was somehow undesirable. But I'm starting to realizing that by using M as a crutch against loneliness, I've isolated myself from others. If I didn't have him, I'd be forced to reach out more to other people and to develop myself as a person.
Author shadowplay Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 NO! You are not responsible for his actions, only your own. Shadow, all "lies" aside, this guy IS an ass, last weeks thread about your under eye shadows said it all to me. My ex BF was verbally abusive and made me feel like a worthless POS for a large proportion of our R. I totally understand where you are coming from right now, even though it makes me mad, i understand the horror of being alone and preferring someone (even if they are an ass) to noone. I was 28 when I finally got out of that R, and its pretty scary choosing to be single then when many of your friends are getting married and having babies. But I KNEW that R would destroy me mentally, as yours is doing to you. I was losing the respect of my friends and family for staying, and in the end that mattered more to me than staying with someone who made me so unhappy. Being alone isn't the big bad thing you imagine it to be. For me, it was a chance to examine exactly why I was so attracted to destructive Rs, and work out where I was going wrong. It also gave me a chance to start to like myself and live for ME again- and during that time I met my H. Thats pretty mean. Shadow, please can you not have Nick Drake as your avatar, its making me nervous. Hey SB, It's reassuring to know that you and others went through similar crap in your twenties and changed for the better. After leaving your ex how long did it take for you to get used to be single and not terrified of the future? It's silly, but I keep imagining this abyss stretching before me when I think about being alone. I wish I had the faith that I'd get used to it eventually and not regret my decision to leave him. Sometimes I worry that common sense advice which works for other people doesn't apply to me because I'm somehow defective or weird. Like maybe other people would benefit from leaving a bad relationship because they would be able to form new bonds where I'd just languish. I know this is probably just my low self esteem talking, but there it is. LOL at Nick Drake. I just really like his music and find him cute. I swear there isn't more to it than that.
Author shadowplay Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 Turn about is fair play. You got what you deserved. He found a better woman and now you're tail lights. You sound bitter. I contacted the girl he slept with and told her that he had cheated on me with her. She had no idea (he told her he didn't have a gf), and she was really pissed off when she found out. She sent him a message that she never wanted to see him again.
Author shadowplay Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 thanks for all the thoughtful responses, guys. I've read them all. I have to run, but I will respond to the ones I missed later.
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