daughters camping trip

[fooled once]

I'm sorry you didn't like my post, but I don't think my expectations are unreasonable. The court is the one that gave him his every other weekend, so if thats all they thought he should have, then thats what I think too. And thats what he should expect and be happy he gets even that. My daughter has my husband and me. We're a family and I think it just causes problems that she goes to her fathers twice a month. I don't think is good for her to have to go back and forth from one home to another. She would be better off living with us full time. My daughter has everything she needs here. She has a mommy and a daddy and a sister. I'm sorry that it worked out so that she doesn't need her bio dad, but he needs accept this and do whats best for her if he really loves her and let her stepfather take over as her real father. My husband is here for my daughter everyday. He helps her with her homework, plays soccer with her puts her to bed and tucks her in every night. My daughter isn't missing anything when her bio dad is not around. I am bitter that the courts gave him any custody at all. I feel like we can't be a real familly until all ties are cut from my ex. I hope that clears the misunderstanding up and you see what i mean a little better.

 

I thought your first post was bad enough and then you posted this?

 

I hope he finds your posts here and takes them to a lawyer and sues YOU for full custody and then you can just deal with 4 days a month being a mother and then I hope your EX remarries and that woman can be your daughters new mommy.

 

Wow lady -- I am appalled at your attitude.

[fooled once]

You ARE damaging your daughter and she WILL come to hate you one day for pushing her father out of her life.

 

Your H cannot replace HER FATHER. HE IS HER DAD AND ALWAYS WILL BE no matter what attempts you make to replace him.

 

I thank God now for the ex my husband has - she never ever would have done to my H what you are doing to your ex. Funny though, my stepdaughter has a stepfather in her life; for now since her mother is divorcing this man.

 

My stepdaughter (SD) is VERY close to her dad, even though her mom, like you, tried to replace him in her life.

 

I hope and pray your ex gets a lawyer and fights what you are trying to do. You will be called on the carpet for allowing your D to call your current H "dad' and you ARE encouraging her to not call her dad "dad'. You are doing that by NOT correcting her.

 

what kind of woman cuts out the father of their child from the child's life? I don't care for my ex at all; but he is still the father of my son. I have been remarried for most of my son's life. My H is my son's STEPfather; not his father. My son is very close to my H; but he knows who his dad is.

 

What is wrong with a child having a lot of family in their lives? there is no rule as to how many people can love a child. Your D does have a family with your ex - cause no matter what you think or how badly you try to change it, that is her dad. Without his sperm, your D would NOT exist.

 

You want him to remarry and have another kid to replace the daughter you are trying to cut out of his life? Are you insane? It doesn't work that way.

 

A judge truly would have a field day with you -- so if I were you, I would watch my step. If a judge finds out what you are trying to do, he COULD take custody from you.

 

And if a father is so replaceable, honey, so are you as a mother. Quite frankly, I am disgusted with your attitude. You should thank God every day that he allowed you to become a mother.

 

You H must be a pansy. For him to not be man enough to allow the father of this child to be in the child's life --- he, like you, sounds very insecure and immature.

 

Like I said, one day, ONE DAY, your D will turn to you and want answers on why you tried to cut her dad out of her life. I hope you have some good explanations. Many adult children end up cutting out the angry, hateful parent for their actions.

 

I am just sickened by this thread. I can't believe there are people like you in this world who are so threatened by an ex and his love for his child that you stoop to this kind of behavior.

 

And you can't stop your ex from going on the camping trip. He CAN stop your H from going though. I hope your ex stands up to your bullying and takes you to court for PAS -- read up on it. You are the poster child for it.

[Lucky_One]

And if he still does go, than he will have to be on his best behavior and keep his little jealous tantrums to himself.

 

Pot? Meet kettle.

 

You seem to be the one with the jealous tantrums.

 

I hope your ex-H goes camping, I hope that he finds your posts on LS and sues for joint or full custody, and I hope that your present H divorces your hateful butt and takes full custody of your second child - after all, you can just have another kid to replace her.

[TwoForgiving]

You sound like you have some very serious issues that would need a lot of therapy. I just wonder what kind of a loser pansy you found to marry you. We barely know you from the few posts on this board and I doubt anybody would want to be married to you. Honestly without knowing your ex's history or what kind of mistakes he's made in the past, I am so happy he got rid of you.

[Cheetara]

I have been the very portrait of polite since coming this board. I thank the posters in which I respond to, or tell them that I respect or appreciate their advice. I explain myself in a direct and civil fashion. I o not flame or provoke name calling. Yet I have been called names, my husband has been called names, and many other things have been said towards me that are only unflattering to those who posted them. Yet somehow, I am the bad person. Well so be it. Sticks and stones.

 

My ex can print out whatever he wants. He would never win any more custody than he already has. I make more money than him. My husband makes more money than him. We own a home, a very big home in a nice neighborhood. He rents an two-bedrooom apartment in a middle-class neighborhood. He also suffers from depression and bi-polarism. The courts saw him as emotionally unstable. Me? Well since you asked, I have a clean bill of health, both physically and emotionally. There is not a court in the world that would give him more custody.

 

I have been wrongly accused of trying to airbrush my ex out of my daughters life. When his visitation time comes, I have my daughter ready and packed on time, every time. I have never tried impeding his visitation time. It was what the court granted him, so I respect it.

 

I am a career woman, a very successful business woman. I weal and deal all day. I don't have time or put up with any nonesense, which is exactly what I see my ex's emotional instability as. I have little sympathy for him or his problems. If he can't handle his life enough to make better money, or buy his own home or a better car, than he is below my acknowledgment.

 

And this pansy whom I have convinced to marry me? Hes a very sucessful attorney himself and he shares my attitude. It is one of the many reasons which make us perfect for each other. It never ceases to amaze me that he manages to take time from his VERY busy schedule to care for his stepdaughter and daughter, and spend quality time with them. But I suppose all of you would rather he not do that at all, so my daughters weakling bio (failure of a)father can rest easier at night.

 

I am sorry if this post comes off as rude. I do try and keep my composure, but I don't understand how some of you would be so spiteful as to wish divoriced and deprived of my own children.

[Lucky_One]

I weal and deal all day.

 

I believe you when you say you weal all day. Your vitriol towards your daughter's father would weal an elephant's hide. (If you are that successful, then learn to use a dictionary.)

 

I don't understand how some of you would be so spiteful as to wish divoriced and deprived of my own children.

 

You don't mind depriving your daughter's husband of his own child - why should you be treated any differently?

 

No one gives a rat's ass about the size of your house. It is the size of your heart as a parent that really matters.

[Cheetara]

I believe you when you say you weal all day. Your vitriol towards your daughter's father would weal an elephant's hide. (If you are that successful, then learn to use a dictionary.)

 

 

 

You don't mind depriving your daughter's husband of his own child - why should you be treated any differently?

 

No one gives a rat's ass about the size of your house. It is the size of your heart as a parent that really matters.

 

That is actually rather humorous. Really! There are many words I use daily which I could never spell for the life of me! If I misapplied the spelling of weal and wheel, I am very embarrassed! My secretary dictates most everything for me, its not very often I have to spell anything these days.

 

I don't deprive my ex of his own child. He gets her every other weekend. That has been very plainly said several times in this discussion. I cooperate with this as it was mandated by the courts. Therefore, he is not deprived of anything.

[tinktronik]

What is it that your ex did to make you hate and disregard him so much? Did he just not love you anymore? The fact that you don't see value in him does not mean it is not there. Your daughter sees it.

 

I tell you, I have an ex and 3 children with him. And sometimes it is so difficult dealing with him that I want to put my head in the garbage disposal and turn it on. But he loves our children and they love him. I have to respect that because he is my children's father. I recognize that even if I don't agree with his choices it is okay that he passes those choices along to our children because they are his children too. I don't ever see his presence or desire to parent as being intrusive into my life, I see it as being interested in parenting our children.

 

I don;t understand how you cannot understand what you are doing as being damaging to your child. And I don;t understand how you cannot see what statements you are writing here as disgusting and disturbing.

Edited October 18, 2009 by tinktronik

[Lucky_One]

My secretary dictates most everything for me, its not very often I have to spell anything these days.

 

 

Uh-huh. We believe you.

[bluegreen12]

I got a form in my daughters school papers about an overnight camping trip her teacher is having for the class in May at the end of the year. My daughter is excited about this, because she loves camping so much and hardly ever gets to do it. Having all her classmate friends there is just going to be icing on the cake. The problem is, her bio father wants to go as one of the chaperones because the form said that any number of parents could come along if they want. But I want my husband, my daughter's stepfather to go instead. Its not realistic to have them both go, because they don't get along and avoid each other and get competitive about being a father to my daughter. Spending an entire weekend in the same place would be a powder-keg waiting to go off.

 

I really want my husband to be the one to go because I think it is important that they have opportunities to bond and make memories together. She already adores him, but still, the more opportunities the better. My ex gets my daughter every other weekend so he should just be happy with that. I told him this and he got angry and said that she is his daughter, not my husbands and that he doesn't get to see her enough. He said he really really wants to go to the camping trip with her. I think he is just jealous that my daughter will have a great time without him, and that she will get closer to her stepfather. He is very threatned by her close relationship with my husband.

 

I haven't asked my daughter who she would rather have go with her, and I don't plan to. I think by now that her bio father has probably brainwashed her into saying she wants him to go. I am afraid my husband would be very hurt and disappointed if he doesn't get to go with my daughter on this important trip. How do I get her bio father to agree and let my husband take her? Is it too much to ask of him? I really think he should just be happy with the custody he already has and stop trying to intrude on the time that me, my husband and my daughter have as a family.

 

Unless your ex is abusive to your daughter, what you wrote/thing is VERY selfish. And, you can clearly see that everyone posted so far agrees with me.

[fooled once]

I have been the very portrait of polite since coming this board. I thank the posters in which I respond to, or tell them that I respect or appreciate their advice. I explain myself in a direct and civil fashion. I o not flame or provoke name calling. Yet I have been called names, my husband has been called names, and many other things have been said towards me that are only unflattering to those who posted them. Yet somehow, I am the bad person. Well so be it. Sticks and stones.

 

My ex can print out whatever he wants. He would never win any more custody than he already has. I make more money than him. My husband makes more money than him. We own a home, a very big home in a nice neighborhood. He rents an two-bedrooom apartment in a middle-class neighborhood. He also suffers from depression and bi-polarism. The courts saw him as emotionally unstable. Me? Well since you asked, I have a clean bill of health, both physically and emotionally. There is not a court in the world that would give him more custody.

 

I have been wrongly accused of trying to airbrush my ex out of my daughters life. When his visitation time comes, I have my daughter ready and packed on time, every time. I have never tried impeding his visitation time. It was what the court granted him, so I respect it.

 

I am a career woman, a very successful business woman. I weal and deal all day. I don't have time or put up with any nonesense, which is exactly what I see my ex's emotional instability as. I have little sympathy for him or his problems. If he can't handle his life enough to make better money, or buy his own home or a better car, than he is below my acknowledgment.

 

And this pansy whom I have convinced to marry me? Hes a very sucessful attorney himself and he shares my attitude. It is one of the many reasons which make us perfect for each other. It never ceases to amaze me that he manages to take time from his VERY busy schedule to care for his stepdaughter and daughter, and spend quality time with them. But I suppose all of you would rather he not do that at all, so my daughters weakling bio (failure of a)father can rest easier at night.

 

I am sorry if this post comes off as rude. I do try and keep my composure, but I don't understand how some of you would be so spiteful as to wish divoriced and deprived of my own children.

 

NEWSFLASH - money doesn't equal being a good parent.

 

You have impeded his relationship with his daughter because you have belittled him repeatedly and I am sure your daughter picks up on this.

 

And nice to know that you have little sympathy for his depression (could be because he was married to someone at one time who treated him like garbage and who is now trying to get him out of his daughters life) and his bi-polar disorder.

 

People with bi-polar disorder are human's too. Read up on it and learn about it before criticizing anyone with it. It isn't something he can wish away. I had a very very dear friend die 2 years ago due to issues related to him being bi-polar. We watched him suffer for years unmedicated and then suffer due to being medicated. How sad that you have little sympathy for someone with a mental disorder that they cannot control.

[Art_Critic]

In a previous life I was a step father for 5 years to a wonderful little girl and I can tell you I have dealt with issues just like this and I can also tell you that I always yielded to her father on all cases except those that affected her direct living in our home.

 

I think your husband or your child's step father should step aside and let her bio father be her parent in this scenario..

There will be other times where he can shine for her but this time her bio Dad's views/needs should override his.

[bluegreen12]

In a previous life I was a step father for 5 years to a wonderful little girl and I can tell you I have dealt with issues just like this and I can also tell you that I always yielded to her father on all cases except those that affected her direct living in our home.

 

I think your husband or your child's step father should step aside and let her bio father be her parent in this scenario..

There will be other times where he can shine for her but this time her bio Dad's views/needs should override his.

 

What do you mean? Did you reincarnated?

[BUENG1]

What do you mean? Did you reincarnated?

 

[bluegreen12]

 

Hater!

[Cheetara]

NEWSFLASH - money doesn't equal being a good parent.

 

You have impeded his relationship with his daughter because you have belittled him repeatedly and I am sure your daughter picks up on this.

 

And nice to know that you have little sympathy for his depression (could be because he was married to someone at one time who treated him like garbage and who is now trying to get him out of his daughters life) and his bi-polar disorder.

 

People with bi-polar disorder are human's too. Read up on it and learn about it before criticizing anyone with it. It isn't something he can wish away. I had a very very dear friend die 2 years ago due to issues related to him being bi-polar. We watched him suffer for years unmedicated and then suffer due to being medicated. How sad that you have little sympathy for someone with a mental disorder that they cannot control.

 

I am sorry about your friend.

That said, you needn't lecture me about bi-polarism, I lived with the man for three years and dealt with it every day. Some are more compassionate than others. I however am not. I didn't have time for it then, I don't have time for it now.

Out of curiosity though, how did he die by being medicated for it?

[Cheetara]

In a previous life I was a step father for 5 years to a wonderful little girl and I can tell you I have dealt with issues just like this and I can also tell you that I always yielded to her father on all cases except those that affected her direct living in our home.

 

I think your husband or your child's step father should step aside and let her bio father be her parent in this scenario..

There will be other times where he can shine for her but this time her bio Dad's views/needs should override his.

 

Your response has been the only one of any value. Perhaps it is because you talked to me politely and explained yourself clearly, unlike some other posters who think name-calling and doom-wishing are the most effective methods of persuasion.

 

You have given me something to think about.

[Cheetara]

Hater!

 

He/she doesn't hate you. I believe they were only commenting on the terribly stupid question you asked.

[bluegreen12]

He/she doesn't hate you. I believe they were only commenting on the terribly stupid question you asked.

 

Stop hating on me!

[Lionblade]

I am sorry about your friend.

That said, you needn't lecture me about bi-polarism, I lived with the man for three years and dealt with it every day. Some are more compassionate than others. I however am not. I didn't have time for it then, I don't have time for it now.

Out of curiosity though, how did he die by being medicated for it?

 

Was just reading the posts in this thread and every time you post, just when I think it can't get worse it actually does! You're just an awful, awful person. God help your ex who has to deal with someone like you. I hope this whole thread is just a joke/trolling.

[sb129]

As a person who is about to become a parent for the first time, this thread has really really saddened me.

 

I hate how children become pawns in the games their bitter parents play.

 

I was once in a R with someone who had a kid, and I would NEVER have expected to be a "substitute" mother for him, I accepted that I was a significant adult in his life, but I knew my place.

 

I think you should let your daughter decide. I also think by trying to keep your daughter away from her father, you may cause more damage to your relationship with her.

 

you may not talk ill of her father in front of her, however your actions speak louder than words... and children are more aware of that than you may think

 

I have a number of friends who have very healthy relationships with both their step parent and biological parent. She in fact will have a richer experience learning from all the parents involved. You should give her the chance and let her figure out on her own with you, you deciding if she should keep her biological father in her life or not.

 

This is a great post. Your daughter will have an opinion on this matter, whether you find it out now or later on in life, its unlikely to conform to your ideal.

[Toki]

Lady, having been a child raised in a similar situation as the one as yours... all I can say is if you think you've been through the worst of it... You ain't seen nothin' yet. She will rock your world.

[Cheetara]

Lady, having been a child raised in a similar situation as the one as yours... all I can say is if you think you've been through the worst of it... You ain't seen nothin' yet. She will rock your world.

 

 

What in the world do you mean by that?

[sb129]

I think what he means is that when your daughter is old enough to view the situation with adult eyes, its highly unlikely that she will see the situation the same way you see it, or want her to see it.

 

She may even form some strong feelings of resentment for you for deciding "whats best for her" when it comes to spending time with her biological father.

 

My Hs mother behaved extremely selfishly when H was about 5, and it resulted in his parents divorce. MIL didn't cope very well with the resultant fallout (and gossip) about the divorce (even though it was her fault), so her solution was to move with the kids as far away as possible while staying in the same country, leaving behind the rest of their extended families and friends.

 

Kids saw their Dad during school holidays, and I know that my H resents his mother to this day for moving them so far away- unnecessarily in his eyes.

 

While he is a good dutiful son and polite to his mother, as an adult who is about to become a dad, I know he has very little respect for her, and I think that is very sad.

[Toki]

What in the world do you mean by that?

 

Teenagers tend to view their parents with distrust, even if you now believe you're doing the right thing by only allowing her to see her father once every other weekend, or you want her to spend more time with her step dad instead of her real father, this is going to be viewed with a lot of suspicion when she gets older; she'll start wondering "what is mom really hiding from me?" and then she'll remember those disconnected memories that she had growing up with her father not being around, even if he wasn't an idyllic parent, she'll resent you for not allowing her to assess the situation on her own. Eventually, she'll take the initiative on her own, and if your story and the story she has formulated in her imagination don't exactly add up, there's going to be hell to pay on your end. And the more you try to strong arm your agenda into her life, the more you risk alienating her. Even if she no longer has any culpable feeling towards her father for not being the father he should have been, you're going to brunt the largest share of any ill feelings, or aggression she might have, as a side effect of being the primary parent in her life you've made yourself into the biggest, and most convenient target for her to shoot at. And you've given her ample ammunition to work with.

Edited October 20, 2009 by Toki