masaki1085 Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 There is this girl that I have gone a couple of dates with. Long story short, everything seemed to go REALLY well. Our first date started with coffee and turned into dinner and we hung out for about 4 1/2 hours. Our second date we spent 6 hours with each other--we went for a nice walk in the park, talked, had a wonderful time, had dinner, and agreed on a third date on Saturday before parting. The longer version of what I just said, I just posted here last night, but with regard to a different concern: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t206056/ Anyhow... one of the things about this girl is that she has a lot of difficulty (and has admitted to) getting back to people's messages (including mine). Right now, this issue is really starting to have its toll on me: When my friend was trying to set the two of us up, I decided to e-mail the girl to ask her for the initial cup of coffee (because all I had was her e-mail)--she didn't respond for five weeks, citing computer issues. She was really excited about meeting up, and it went forward to the first date. (By the way, I was surprised to have heard back from her after that amount of time--when I didn't get a response after a week, I figured she was not interested. I was curious after she finally responded, so I went forward with it.) When I heard back from my friend that this girl was really into me--I called her and left a message about getting together for the second date. It took her at least a day to get back to me, but she eventually got back to me. I told her before leaving after our second date that I would touch base with her on Thursday about getting together Saturday, which she said was good. I called her on Thursday--left a voicemail--no response yet. I didn't want to sound desperate, but I had to call her a second time today (because of my lack of availability tonight into tomorrow afternoon, I wanted to make sure I had a chance to chat to her and confirm plans live). Again, got voicemail. I told her to send me a text at least if she couldn't get ahold of me. Still haven't heard back yet in either fashion. So what is going on here? What's a fair time to wait? Should I be patient with this? Is she blowing me off? Why would she blow me off? What if I don't hear from her before tomorrow night when we're supposed to meet up?
Yukikazi Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 If you mean anything to her.. she would respond in a timely manner. Her lack of response should indicate that you are nothing more then an afterthought in her life and not worth 30 seconds for a text or 1 minute for a phone call. I'm also going to assume she never initiates contact and you are the one always trying to reach her.... In the words of the Gambler... "Gotta know when to hold em.. know when to fold em..." Time for you to fold em and walk away. if she comes after you.. cool.. if not.. find someone that is willing to treat you as more then a random afterthought. Do not call again and assume the date is off unless she calls to confirm. You left a VM to confirm.. she can't bitch if you don't show up since she never bothered to confirm or even respond. I picture opening relationships like a tennis game.. You've served to her twice.. with 2 calls and a VM.. the balls in her court.. she can either volley it back or let it fault out.. so far its bee lining for the out of bounds and she doesn't appear to be making any effort to hit it back to you.
alphamale Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 So what is going on here? basically she's trying to get out of date #3 What's a fair time to wait? i think you should start makeing other plans for sat Should I be patient with this? not any more, she's playing games with you Is she blowing me off? yes Why would she blow me off? cause you're not making her "feel" the right things in her mind What if I don't hear from her before tomorrow night when we're supposed to meet up? you do nothing. don't call her or contact her in any way ever again. plan a guys nite out or go see a movie
Author masaki1085 Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 Well... what if she called me back a few minutes ago... apologized for missing my calls... explained that her grandmother had some bizarre episode that caused her life to spiral out of control for the day... confirmed date #3 tomorrow and was welcome to the ideas: original plan set at date #2: attend bonfire with friends alternative plan (that i suggested, if bonfire was rained out): getting together to watch a movie that we both discussed during date #2 does that change anything? i feel like an a** now for calling more than once. :\ maybe what i am asking is that, was i justified to call more than once given the situation.
alphamale Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Well... what if she called me back a few minutes ago... apologized for missing my calls... explained that her grandmother had some bizarre episode that caused her life to spiral out of control for the day... confirmed date #3 tomorrow and was welcome to the ideas: thats your call but don't sit by the phone
BCCA Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 The fact she took 5 WEEKS to return an email should tell you something. You were the least important thing to deal with for 5 whole weeks. Something tells me the person trying to set you up wants you to hang out a LOT more than she does. When girls like you, they might wait an hour to respond, the next day TOPS. And thats just the first time. The is a pattern, shes putting you off for anything and everything else. Going out with her is a waste of time.
Author masaki1085 Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 The five week part--wasn't sure about that one. Here's the thing... I had never met her until our first coffee date. I've only seen her and hung out with her twice total. Before our first meeting, a mutual friend was trying to set us up--it just never came about. She seemed interesting, so I decided to e-mail her (or more specifically, facebook message her) to see what would happen. I guess she just doesn't check her facebook that often (evidenced by how often she actually logged on in that five week period of time). And for the most part, since then she has been getting back to me within one day's time--with the exception of this past time. I guess we'll see how it goes. I felt that our phone conversation about an hour ago seemed a bit awkward.... I'm personally hoping that I didn't bring it on--like I said, undeniably, sparks were flying during the first two dates. I would be shocked....
New Again Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 She's being terribly rude; it's not your responsibility to be patient with her. If you don't hear back from her, don't go. If you do hear back from her, go if you want to....but I think you should call her out on this *****y behavior.
gfto Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 I told her before leaving after our second date that I would touch base with her on Thursday about getting together Saturday, which she said was good. I called her on Thursday--left a voicemail--no response yet. In her mind, you already sounded desperate at that point.
gfto Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 I felt that our phone conversation about an hour ago seemed a bit awkward.... That's your gut telling you she's not interested. Listen to you gut.
EcstasyX6 Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 In her mind, you already sounded desperate at that point. ...desperate because she's just not that into you. Your enthusiasm would have sounded romantic or exciting to her if she really wanted you. She would have responded right away when she missed your call on Thursday. You're making excuses for her.
AmberJ Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 Well, I was in a similar situation once. I was the rude girl though embarassingly enough. A guy I knew kept asking to hang out, but I'd say I had other plans even if I didn't. But then when my best friends ditched me one night I was feeling like crap and decided to finally meet up with this guy. I had no real interest in him, just wanted to have something to do that night. Call it a self esteem booster if you want. Anyway, I don't think this girl was really interested. Just wanted to have something to do maybe? I can't imagine waiting 5 weeks to reply to someone, even if I don't get on facebook, I always get an email when someone messages me and I check my email everyday. I don't think you should waste anymore time on her.
Left in a Lurch Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 I think you are only a week from, "I meant to call you back but my best friend needed me to ..... in an emergency." Two weeks away from, "I dropped my cell phone and it broke the screen so I couldn't read your number. I know you said you left a voicemail with your phone number but I stored my password in my phone because I can never remember it." Three weeks away from, "I got your call at work and just missed it but then as I was dialing you back I got pulled into a meeting that lasted until 5, and I had to go straight to xxx after work and when I got home I just passed out." Sprinkle in a few episodes of the flu and a headache or two and you should get the picture. It doesn't mean she won't call you back when she is bored from time to time and act like she is totally in to you, but don't be surprised if you go to the bar one night and see her there with a table full of dudes and she says, "I just told these guys i was going to call you to meet me up here! I wasn't feeling good earlier but then I felt better and was bored so decided to go out but figured you had plans already......." Have fun with that.
Author masaki1085 Posted October 17, 2009 Author Posted October 17, 2009 She's being terribly rude; it's not your responsibility to be patient with her. If you don't hear back from her, don't go. If you do hear back from her, go if you want to....but I think you should call her out on this *****y behavior. As I mentioned, I did hear back from her (prior post). She says that she is still interested in getting together. I did kind of call her on it, but more tactfully (in my second voicemail, I simply mentioned that I didn't hear back from her, and explained the purpose of why I was calling a second time--because of this, she apologized when we spoke later, speaking about her crazy day). But I am hearing what everyone else is saying. Although I don't understand desperation sometimes. Some people have different viewpoints about when to set the next date--some feel its okay at the end of a previous date, and some feel it shows desperation. The only reason I told her I would call before the date is to confirm that the event I was going to take her to was in fact still on (and if it weren't, to suggest an alternative plan if she was still interested in getting together). In my mind, however, the reason I may have also told her this is because I was becoming familiar with the pattern of calling on one night, and receiving a call back the next day--this is kind of the norm. So I wanted to stay ahead of the game so I could communicate to her what was happening on Saturday Night. But I suppose that could express desperation as well. Like I said before, I feel like an a**. I'm hoping that two phone calls to a voicemail didn't shoot myself in the foot on this whole thing--like I said, the dates we have had so far have been *really good,* and she has expressed this. It could simply be that I am overthinking this and this is really not that big of a deal at all. I hope. I guess we'll see.
lofi_tokyo Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 ...desperate because she's just not that into you. Your enthusiasm would have sounded romantic or exciting to her if she really wanted you. She would have responded right away when she missed your call on Thursday. You're making excuses for her. I completely agree. I AM THAT GIRL - the one who is bad for getting back to everyone and anyone - my best friends have come to accept that I just get back to them when I get back to them. I may get back to them in a minute, or a month, who knows. Its just how I am. HOWEVER! When I like a guy, and I mean really like a guy? I get back to him QUICKLY! I'm also not the kind of girl that makes plans - I do everything last minute. But for a guy I like? I'll set up a date. If he asks me out, and I'm interested, I'll give an enthusiastic yes as soon as I get his message. If I am slow in any way, I'll assure him I am very sorry and am very interested. You shouldn't use the excuse "well shes bad at getting back to me". If shes not coming through on things now - then how do you think things would be if you started dating? Not much better I'd imagine.
lofi_tokyo Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 Like I said before, I feel like an a**. I'm hoping that two phone calls to a voicemail didn't shoot myself in the foot on this whole thing--like I said, the dates we have had so far have been *really good,* and she has expressed this. It could simply be that I am overthinking this and this is really not that big of a deal at all. I hope. I guess we'll see. Don't beat yourself up too much. You'll find another girl. One who actually gets back to you. Its hard when you're really fixed or attracted to her, but you'll make it out okay. I recently had a guy taking forever to get back to me - I made some excuses, but have come to the conclusion he wasn't that interested. It sucks because I put myself out on the line... but in the grand scheme of things, what can ya do? Move on!
ecm Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 She is rude. She is trying you. She is playing you. You are falling for it. I think you should not respond...just like she does to you. Seriously, who does this girl think she is? She set up your entire relationship by saying she's really bad at getting back to people so she always has that as an excuse. Is she a surgeon or in the witness protection program? No? Then getting involved with this girl any further would be like taking a nap on a busy street. Don't. She sounds like she has serious control issues and will play games...forever.
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