unbreakable88 Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 me and my ex have been broken up for 3 years, and we each have new significant others in our lives. i now have a wonderful, amazing and faithful boyfriend and i can tell my ex is very happy with the girl with whom he cheated with on me. he cheated on me, twice, and i stupidly went back to him twice. but the third time, he called it off so he can be with her. and i've gotten over it and i've moved on. but why does it still hurt? i occasionally think of him, not with yearning or regret, but with something so inexplicable. i don't want to be with such a dumbass like him ever again, and i already know the kind of guy i need to be with is with me right now. so why can't i stop thinking of how it used to be? or how it can be?
JaggedRoad Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 I think there are certain things that you'll never completely get over because a)It happened too suddenly b)It was out of your control c)You feel cheated Did you ever get closure from him?
Author unbreakable88 Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 we saw each other again a few months ago and we acted friendly. on my side, though, it was to save face, you know? but i feel like i haven't gotten the right closure. what i've been needing is a genuine apology, but i feel that to ask for it kinda defeats the purpose. and i want to apologize as well, but even that's counter-intuitive, right?
NSW768 Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 i was talking to my boss today. he's 58 and married 30+ years. i recently went through a break up. he was telling me when you get your heart broke, you will always remember those people. you will never forget them and continue to think what if?, but you must move on, because what is the point really? your not going to get back together and it sounds to me like you wouldnt even want that. perhaps you just think fondly on those good times because you were younger and life seemed less serious.
Exit Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 i was talking to my boss today. he's 58 and married 30+ years. i recently went through a break up. he was telling me when you get your heart broke, you will always remember those people. Ugh I hope that's not true. I'm really ready to forget my ex, I can't take it anymore.
GrayClouds Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 It is human nature to focus on what we don't have which is why it is important thoughtful of what we do. We your start feeling bad about the ex write down a love letter to your current telling him specifically the reasons why you love him. It will make him feel good and remind you of what you have.
contax Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 me and my ex have been broken up for 3 years, and we each have new significant others in our lives. i now have a wonderful, amazing and faithful boyfriend and i can tell my ex is very happy with the girl with whom he cheated with on me. he cheated on me, twice, and i stupidly went back to him twice. but the third time, he called it off so he can be with her. and i've gotten over it and i've moved on. but why does it still hurt? i occasionally think of him, not with yearning or regret, but with something so inexplicable. i don't want to be with such a dumbass like him ever again, and i already know the kind of guy i need to be with is with me right now. so why can't i stop thinking of how it used to be? or how it can be? I don't know why it still hurts...how long afterthe break up did you get into the next relationship? Did you give yourself alot of time for healing? That's why I would never contact my ex again. It's been 6 months of n/c. I'm good. Perhaps if you haven't been in contact with him it wouldn't have triggered this? Hope you heal, and accept it. Your ex is not cool.
PinkToes Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 and i've gotten over it and i've moved on. I kinda think maybe you're not completely over him. When you got into this new relationship, did you feel pretty much healed, and ready to be with someone else, or did you just happen to meet this guy, and start falling in love? I'm not saying that's bad; I'm just wondering how it happened. Or perhaps there was still a little bitterness over the way things ended with your ex, and maybe you needed to prove to yourself (and perhaps your ex) that you deserved to be with a guy who wouldn't cheat; someone wonderful, amazing and faithful. He's clearly a decent guy who treats you well. But does he make you feel the same intangible stuff you felt with your ex? Whatever feels like love and connection to you? If that piece is missing or not as strong with the new boyfriend, you might be missing that a little. Also in response to the post about 'always remembering' the ones who broke your heart, I can't say that's been true for me. I have a great deal of fondness for my first serious boyfriend, and I know I'm not over my current ex. But now, the ones between the first and last are like the former co-workers you always promise to keep in touch with, and then kind of forget about. None of them hold any emotion for me anymore.
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