candoit Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 my sister is married to a man who constantly cheats on her , he hardly has sex with her and never takes her anywhere, he complains that she needs to lose weight or he will leave her , they both have no children and her husband loves children , so she has gotten herself pregnant with their first child , since the pregnancy the husband has seemed distant , my question to all you married people is does bringing a baby into a troubled marriage help keep the husband around
GorillaTheater Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 In my experience? Hell. No. A new baby adds new and interesting stressors to any relationship. No big deal ultimately if the relationship is good. If not, it very much can be a big deal. And the relationship you describe sounds pretty awful to begin with. Your sister will probably soon be considering child support issues, IMO.
Trimmer Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 It it remotely possible? I suppose - anything's possible. However, your question really seems more like "is it likely?" In that case, I think you probably already know the answer to the question you're asking, and your sister's husband is already starting (continuing) to demonstrate his true colors, isn't he? If a man has no respect for his wife in the first place, and is doing all of the things you are talking about, my guess is that this is the kind of man who is more likely to reject the scenario, freak out, walk away, or just continue on in his uncaring ways, than he is to "see the light" and clean up his act. Sure you can probably find counterexamples, but I wouldn't point to them as useful guidance in any one particular case. I hate hearing someone propose "having a child" as a way of healing, fixing, or improving a marriage. Or, for that matter, expressing surprise when it doesn't happen. It's so unfair to a child to start him or her out in that situation. Raising kids is hard enough, without starting out with the cards already stacked against the process.
georgejungle Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 wouldn't a cheating scumbag of a guy want to cheat even more when he realizes his wife is pregant and heavier and he'll have to change diapers and be up all night with a baby?
boldjack Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Almost never. As GT pointed out , thia will only increase the stress factors , and will not make a bad marriage ,better. It may give your sister a longer marriage, because her husband wants the child, and would be more reluctant to split, but it won't keep him home at night.
The Midnight Rider Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 my sister is married to a man who constantly cheats on her , he hardly has sex with her and never takes her anywhere, he complains that she needs to lose weight or he will leave her , they both have no children and her husband loves children , so she has gotten herself pregnant with their first child , since the pregnancy the husband has seemed distant , my question to all you married people is does bringing a baby into a troubled marriage help keep the husband around Yes and no. I depends on how badly he wants a family. If he would rather chase tail, then it won't make a difference if he has one or a million children. His seeming "distant" doesn't help because he may feel trapped and trapped husbands act out. She's better off communicating her fears to this guy and see what he says and how he says it. If he "wants to do the right thing", he would have to start by keeping it in his pants around other women and respect the mother of his child. If he just wants to be happy, tell him to not let the doorknob hit him in the ass on the way out, she can do bad all by herself.
hopeful1980 Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 In my experience, no. If the situation is already messed up, why drag another person into the drama?
MistyK Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Absolutely not. It saddens me when I hear women doing this kind of thing. Now she's stuck with him in some form forever.
Fallen Angel Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 NO, if anything he will be even more resentful because now he feels trapped into being in some form of contact with her for LIFE (it doesn't stop when they turn 18) I will be surprised to hear that thier relationship survives the whole pregnancy. Why would anyone think a baby will solve what is wrong.. *sigh*
Art_Critic Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 In my experience? Hell. No. A new baby adds new and interesting stressors to any relationship. No big deal ultimately if the relationship is good. If not, it very much can be a big deal. And the relationship you describe sounds pretty awful to begin with. Your sister will probably soon be considering child support issues, IMO. Yeah.. what GT said, I couldn't have worded it any better.
Art_Critic Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 I have seen fatherhood tame a person and the relationship becomes better but the relationship was never bad to begin with. A baby will not be a magical solution to something already broken.
Meaplus3 Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 100% a big NO! Infact, chances are it will make the failing marriage even worse. And honestly, those that go on to have another child just because they feel it will help there marriage scare me. It's sooooo unfair to even think about having another child if your in a situation that's not good. Just my thoughts here. Mea:)
silktricks Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 no, no, no, 1000x NO. It will (as GT said) bring additional stress. And what a TOTALLY wrong reason to bring another person into the world!!
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