onewillburn Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Long time lurker, first time poster. I really just need to vent here. I feel like absolute ****. I've been broken up with this girl for over four months. I thought I was dealing with it. I got a job, I hit the gym, made new friends, etc. I'm getting in really good shape and was doing good mentally. But apparently I hadn't dealt with it. What I thought was "dealing with it" was just an illusion. I tricked myself into thinking that she would get back together with me if she saw how well I was doing. Since the break up, we've spoken/seen each other about four-five times. I thought about her nearly every day the past four months. We were only together two years, but we were supposed to get married. We saw each other every day and we were the closest I've ever been with anybody. She even had my name tattooed on her back. Anyway, I hadn't seen her in about a month and the last time we saw each other was just to exchange a few things. We were nice to each other and kept the small talk short. All in all, we left on a good note. A few weeks later, she calls me and tells me she has more of my things and we set up another get together. That get together was last night. We ended up talking in her car for about three hours when I said something stupid. I said, "No more phonecalls or texts or anything. Don't even say hi to me if you see me. I still have feelings for you and I'm tired of you leading me on with these random three hour chats in the middle of the night." To my surprise, she FLIPS out. She starts screaming, grabbing at me, yelling about how everything was fine before and how she's sorry for leading me on. At this point I'm thinking "WTF is going on with this girl?" She literally looked like she was going insane. I just said "Maybe things were fine for you, but they weren't for me." And I left the car. So now I'm extremely depressed. The wound has been re-opened severely. I thought I'd be able to win her over again, but the whole conversation basically revolved around both of us talking about how much we've changed. She goes into this bull**** about how she hates men because of how I "manipulated" her and she hasn't thought about men since me. She basically made it clear that our entire two years relationship has been undermined by her new ideals and that she has no good memories of it, which makes me so ****ing angry and depressed because I put SO much of myself into it. And she left. I was the one who had to figure out a new life in the midst of her impulsive decision. She left me to go live with people she used to say she hated. She has become such a terrible bitch. I can't believe the person she is. But she justifies it by saying that I tortured her with all of the fights we had. She has such a disgusting ego and it makes me ****ing sick to my stomach. I can't stand the thought of her but I'm still in so much pain and feel incredibly alone. But now I want to heal for real. No more thinking I'm gonna win her back. No more bull****. How could she undermine me and everything I've done for her like that? I told her if she finds any more of my stuff, she can keep it because if I've gone four months without asking for it, I don't need it. No more excuses to see me. The icing on the cake? I lost my job this morning so I now I just feel like doing nothing. I didn't feel like this when we broke up. I have no appetite now, I didn't feel like that then. I feel incredibly depressed and ****ed up. I'm just going to take it easy this weekend and hopefully I'll come up with some way to fix my life because I feel like it's ruined. I know that's melodramatic, but I've worked so hard over the summer to get myself into good shape, earn money, etc. But I feel like I've lost all of it and it was all for nothing. Sorry for the long read/lack of coherency. I just really need to vent and any words of advice or support would be greatly appreciated.
angelface78 Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Go into NC immediately! Since you are new..it means NO CONTACT. No calling, texting, seeing each other. Nothing!!! If she calls you dont answer. It helps you heal. Its the hardest thing ever and everybody on here is in it. Good luck to you...things will get better.
NopeNah Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 You did the right thing by being honest about your feelings of being "led on". If she can't handle that, tough sh*t! It obviously wasn't going where you wanted it to go.. So, you made your choice..sorry to hear about the job loss.. Just take the weekend for yourself and get back out there Monday and start looking.. Love the fact that she has your name tatted on her also!!haha
JaggedRoad Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 I'm glad you finally figured out that you should improve your life just for you. Hard lesson, but one learned nonetheless.
JL911 Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Read the link in my sig......It helps... Ive been where you are...You can only feel sorry for yourself for so long then its time to worry about being happy....This girl seems crazy... You were doing all the right things in working out and trying to feel good about yourself, however if you never cut the bitch off you will never get by or get over it. She will always be able to talk to you, and get in those choice words that eat at your soul and never allow you to fully let go while she lives her life as she sees fit. Its selfish...shes selfish...shes not worried about your feelings...its all about her...you really dont want to be involved with someone like that. Go no contact man...I didnt believe it till I did it myself and just wrote the bitch off completely and moved on with my life. The time away I grieved hard, but I realized a lot about myself and my relationship and have already moved on and am hangin out with a very very cool girl....I found who i was prior to the relationship NONE of this would have happened had I continued doing what she wanted and kept on talking and catering to her needs after she broke things off..."F*** It" is the mentality you need to get yourself into.... You didnt F up...She did...Now you be a man and move on...
GrayClouds Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Go into NC immediately! Since you are new..it means NO CONTACT. No calling, texting, seeing each other. Nothing!!! If she calls you dont answer. It helps you heal. Its the hardest thing ever and everybody on here is in it. Good luck to you...things will get better. Trust, Angleface she knows a thing or two about NC (wink wink).
Author onewillburn Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 Thanks for all of the replies. I'm definitely gonna go No Contact. I'm fighting the urge to write her some really nasty e-mail. I just seem to be going from really depressed to really anxious and pissed off, but I'll keep it in check. I'm feeling so goddamned lonely right now. It sucks. I thought I had gotten past this point.
JaggedRoad Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 You'll go back and forth between different phases during your recovery. It's a roller coaster like everyone says.
Exit Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 Going through other tough situations can sometimes bring up pain from an unrelated issue. You're probably upset about losing your job but it is bringing up some feelings of resentment related to your ex. It happens to me too. You did the right thing by telling her to leave you alone, she was clearly playing games by bringing you your belongings a little bit at a time.
Lamak Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 It makes sense that you don't want to eat, because that means you're finally accepting that's over. Before you were lying to yourself thinking she would come back. The real breakup period is now. NC and the like. Force yourself to eat and get a new job. etc etc
angelface78 Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 Its true..what Lamak is saying. The breakup doesnt start for a while. When my ex and I broke up i was in denial. I would say around month 2 to 3.. the real breakup began for me. I stopped eating, was always crying, just laying in bed all day, didnt want to even shower... it was horrible. Its about acceptance. Thats the hardest part...letting go. Once u try to accept...it starts getting better because u are no longer fighting it...u can then begin to heal!!!
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