justwantlove Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Would you ever be able to date someone that was formerly a stripper. I have a friend who is at the end of her rope and feels she has no where to turn. She has about 9 months left of school, but needs a way to support her kids until she graduates. Shell be in the medical profession so she wont have a problem getting a job. She the sweetest person and very innocent, so shes having trouble making the decision. She's worried that no respectable man would be willing to date her after finding out she stripped for less then a year of her life. Would that make you look at her and run?
EricaH329 Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Would you ever be able to date someone that was formerly a stripper. I have a friend who is at the end of her rope and feels she has no where to turn. She has about 9 months left of school, but needs a way to support her kids until she graduates. Shell be in the medical profession so she wont have a problem getting a job. She the sweetest person and very innocent, so shes having trouble making the decision. She's worried that no respectable man would be willing to date her after finding out she stripped for less then a year of her life. Would that make you look at her and run? I understand the struggle she is going through. Not personally, but i've had many friends that have been in the same position she's in. To be quite honest, if the most she is worried about is a respectable man wanting to date her... then I would re-evaluate her morals. Personally, no matter what position I was in, I would never be able to do anything like that. Not because of what other people would think of me, but because what I would think of me. I would never be able to do that. I understand everyone has their own issues, and i've had many friends that have had to resort to that profession. But, personally, I would apply for section 8 and welfare before I decided to do that. That's just me though.
phineas Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 My cousin dated a stripper. Almost married her. She left the profession for him. She drained him dry & left him in financial ruin. He actually lost his house because of her. The next guy she almost married, same thing except she had him arrested for rape. Then actually got a restraining order & essentially stole his house. The next guy after that was the cop who arrested her fiancee. She got engaged, sucked him dry. rince & repeat. I'd date one, but I could never get serious with one just because i'd be afraid their only with me until the next bigger better deal comes along.
Thornton Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 I would think guys would be more likely to be put off by her having kids than by her being an ex-stripper.
sally4sara Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 I was a stripper/dominatrix for 2 and a half years. I was married for 2 of those years. No children during that time. It is not something I hide about myself. I am not ashamed of it as I was not the person in the equation acting low or questionable. I don't feel there is anything wrong with earning a living, being nude, dancing, acting, and the occasional speech as to why one wouldn't break the rules just this once. If there were any aspect of the job that I would consider to be low or questionable, it would be to spend one's money in this way, or try to solicit illegal services for money, or to be a spiteful jerk when you get turned down. I've never had any trouble finding men, respectable or not, who were willing to date me. I am currently in a very satisfying relationship with a respectable man with plans to marry. I'm even a mother now, so I also have a kid in tow. Your friend has nothing to worry about except that, should she work this job for a while, she sticks to her morals and doesn't let the money or the scene touch her personal life.
Skump Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 I have a friend who is at the end of her rope and feels she has no where to turn. I'd advise her to dig deeper - there would be few alternatives worse than this for her career and long term relationship prospects. Never mind the stigma her kids will have to endure once the details of their mom's job get out. I think this is one of those cases where advice is something you ask for when you already know the answer but wish you didn't.
CaliGuy Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Would you ever be able to date someone that was formerly a stripper. I have a friend who is at the end of her rope and feels she has no where to turn. She has about 9 months left of school, but needs a way to support her kids until she graduates. Shell be in the medical profession so she wont have a problem getting a job. She the sweetest person and very innocent, so shes having trouble making the decision. She's worried that no respectable man would be willing to date her after finding out she stripped for less then a year of her life. Would that make you look at her and run? Been there, done that, got the hat and t-shirt. I advise you to be cautious. If she has been doing this line of work for some time then she may be used to the money and have a hard time transitioning to a regular job. The last girl I dated used to be a stripper (yes, she was smoking hot) but she couldn't integrate herself with every day society. She was unreliable. She was not dependable. She was a night owl (slept all day, stayed up all night). She was obsessive-compulsive. She couldn't pay her bills but had wine taste on a beer budget. She was high maintenance. She did not want a "day" job. She had an education she never used. Not saying your girl is like that. Mine did not have kids but that's probably a GOOD thing. There are just a lot of red flags to watch out for.
boldjack Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 I've dated strippers and adult performers before, with mixed results. In girl #1, the situation was much like the OP's. The girl was in school, single parent, and could make a lot of money. She was a very good, moral woman, and we got along famously. She had a calender, and she would mark the days off, until she didn't have to do it anymore. Her last night stripping, I threw her a big party!! Girl# , became used to the lifestyle, having lots of money, and as her greed took over, began to do more and kinkier things to get more money (the kinkier you are, the more money you can make) She turned into a druggee, and wasn't able to have anything like a stable relationship. So I guess it depends on the woman's moral character, and whether the man wants a relationship or just a sex partner. Girl #1 is married, has a wonderful career, and never looked back. Girl #2 died of Aids, in 1992. I planted a tree for her on my farm, I think of her, every time I pass it.
O'Malley Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 She the sweetest person and very innocent, so shes having trouble making the decision. She's worried that no respectable man would be willing to date her after finding out she stripped for less then a year of her life. Has she tried to find employment that would complement her education (at a nursing home or a hospital?) I would be more concerned about how the job may impact her and how it could change her perception/expectations of men in general. It does take a more confident, financially focused mindset to handle the people she's going to meet in the club. For all of the stereotypical characteristics attributed to strippers, there are certain types of customers and behaviors she may not be able to brush off.
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Would you ever be able to date someone that was formerly a stripper. I have a friend who is at the end of her rope and feels she has no where to turn. She has about 9 months left of school, but needs a way to support her kids until she graduates. Shell be in the medical profession so she wont have a problem getting a job. She the sweetest person and very innocent, so shes having trouble making the decision. She's worried that no respectable man would be willing to date her after finding out she stripped for less then a year of her life. Would that make you look at her and run? I agree with EricaH. I would not date a former stripper for several reasons. 1. Taking money from men to dance naked is degrading, and most strippers deny that. 2. I could not find myself really attracted to a woman who believes her morals are less important than a small chunk of money. 3. There are lots of ways to make money. If the first thing she turns to is stripping... it says she is lazy and lacks self respect.
mortensorchid Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 If she wants to be a stripper, firstly, she doesn't sound so sweet and innocent to begin with. Second of all, if she chooses to be one, that's her choice to do so because there are plenty of jobs one can get without having to shake her money maker. Third, as to how this affects her future, that's also her choice. I am a woman, and never in a million years thought I would know strippers (I always thought it was a frat boy type thing), but I do. One is a notoriously vain, self centered, horrible person. She loves to use guys left and right, abused a dear friend of mine years ago, and boasts about how she gets her clients to buy her things. All the women in town (including me) hate her because she's so full of herself and uses people, all the guys find her hot at first and then she ends up taking advantage of them. Are there exceptions to this? If there are I've never met one. If she wants to do it because she finds it fun and exciting and increasing her street cred as a bad girl, fine. That's the cred she's going to get.
sally4sara Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 If she wants to be a stripper, firstly, she doesn't sound so sweet and innocent to begin with. Second of all, if she chooses to be one, that's her choice to do so because there are plenty of jobs one can get without having to shake her money maker. Third, as to how this affects her future, that's also her choice. I am a woman, and never in a million years thought I would know strippers (I always thought it was a frat boy type thing), but I do. One is a notoriously vain, self centered, horrible person. She loves to use guys left and right, abused a dear friend of mine years ago, and boasts about how she gets her clients to buy her things. All the women in town (including me) hate her because she's so full of herself and uses people, all the guys find her hot at first and then she ends up taking advantage of them. Are there exceptions to this? If there are I've never met one. If she wants to do it because she finds it fun and exciting and increasing her street cred as a bad girl, fine. That's the cred she's going to get. Of course there are exceptions. As for the commonality found? Well, yeah, I remember meeting a few girls with drug and alcohol issues (although it was unclear as to which came first - the substance issue or the job) as well as a few with behavior problems and damage/baggage. External to the job, women can't get men to buy them things unless the guy is willing to buy the things. And it isn't really so different from the standard "guy always pays" attitude that few seem to see a problem with. Men certainly use money and gifts to try to get a woman's attention and no one worries about their reputation for doing so. I've always felt that said more about their integrity and morals than the women they were spending the money on. There is also the venue to consider too. Where she be employed and in what manner will the work be done play a large factor. On the up and up it is most similar to an aerobic instructor's job. As to cred or reputation - the only reason anyone knows I "shook my money maker" after 14 years past, is if I tell them. It wasn't a concentration camp; we were not forced to get tattoos on our arms. As much as I can tell, no one cares about it so much in a sea of extramarital affairs and a quickly declining work ethics inside all aspects of employment and service. People always want to look down on someone in the hopes no one will notice their dirty deeds.
tinktronik Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 I danced for a while. I also saved money and now own my own business as a professional. I would say the advice to give your friend is that no, maybe a bunch of men would not want to date her, but some would and there are plenty of good guys out there. She needs to get her priorities straight in what she needs and what her goals are really, are they to marry some good guy or to provide for her family and her future on her own two feet?
boldjack Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Sally has a valid point. Are there immoral strippers? , absolutely. But here on LS we know also , that there are immoral office workers, dish-washers, , doctors, lawyers , and Indian Chiefs, etc. Morality comes from within, if you are a moral person, your occupation won't change that.
boldjack Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 BTW, JWL. I would trust an honest stripper more than I would MOST of the OW/OM's here on LS.:laugh:
tinktronik Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 If she wants to be a stripper, firstly, she doesn't sound so sweet and innocent to begin with. Second of all, if she chooses to be one, that's her choice to do so because there are plenty of jobs one can get without having to shake her money maker. Third, as to how this affects her future, that's also her choice. I am a woman, and never in a million years thought I would know strippers (I always thought it was a frat boy type thing), but I do. One is a notoriously vain, self centered, horrible person. She loves to use guys left and right, abused a dear friend of mine years ago, and boasts about how she gets her clients to buy her things. All the women in town (including me) hate her because she's so full of herself and uses people, all the guys find her hot at first and then she ends up taking advantage of them. Are there exceptions to this? If there are I've never met one. If she wants to do it because she finds it fun and exciting and increasing her street cred as a bad girl, fine. That's the cred she's going to get. You must be in a very small town if ALL the women know what she does and HATE her for it. As for street cred... No one needs street cred if you live in a decent sized own the likelihood is that no one has to know you dance or danced unless you tell them as much. There are plenty of selfish dances and plenty of well-adjusted ones, just like in any profession.
BCCA Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 No, I wouldnt. I agree with most of CaliGuys points on it, the few I knew were dishonest, unrealiable, had quasi-drug problems, and were constantly walking the line between being a stripper and a hooker. The ones I knew were also constantly pretending to like guys to use them for money and places to stay, and also stole almost everything that wasnt nailed down. I would think guys would be more likely to be put off by her having kids than by her being an ex-stripper Completely disagree. Anyone can get pregnant, not everyone takes of their clothes (at the minimum) to get money. Would people date drug dealers? Car thieves?
Author justwantlove Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 To be quite honest, if the most she is worried about is a respectable man wanting to date her... then I would re-evaluate her morals. I understand everyone has their own issues, and i've had many friends that have had to resort to that profession. But, personally, I would apply for section 8 and welfare before I decided to do that. . Its not being able to find a man after that shes most worried about, but we dont question her morals. She's a really good person, kindhearted, respectful, has love for everyone and life its self. Section 8 is closed here the last time it opened was 2 years ago and when it does open its another two year waiting list, I know. Welfare cant pay for everything she needs, its very limited. I've dated strippers and adult performers before, with mixed results. In girl #1, the situation was much like the OP's. The girl was in school, single parent, and could make a lot of money. She was a very good, moral woman, and we got along famously. She had a calender, and she would mark the days off, until she didn't have to do it anymore. Her last night stripping, I threw her a big party!! This is what she want to do. Get in, get out and never look back. She plans to fly to Vegas 2 or 3 weekends a month until shes done with school. I know someones thinking how can she afford to fly to Vegas, but stripping will pay for it. The flights dirt cheap if you book them early. 3. There are lots of ways to make money. If the first thing she turns to is stripping... it says she is lazy and lacks self respect. She was a stay at home mom, only had one job in her adult life. She cant just go get another job right now. Especially here with the way our city is. She's tried, there's just way to much competition out there, Has she tried to find employment that would complement her education (at a nursing home or a hospital?) I would be more concerned about how the job may impact her and how it could change her perception/expectations of men in general. It does take a more confident, financially focused mindset to handle the people she's going to meet in the club. For all of the stereotypical characteristics attributed to strippers, there are certain types of customers and behaviors she may not be able to brush off. She's just in a technical school and cant work in the medical field till shes done. She finished her pre-requisites but she still has the class and internship. She's never been one to easily stand up for herself so she is a little worried about the people there. She wont let people influence her too much, but shes worried about " What if someone does something inappropriate?" "Whats inappropriate for a stripper?" Are there exceptions to this? If there are I've never met one. If she wants to do it because she finds it fun and exciting and increasing her street cred as a bad girl, fine. That's the cred she's going to get. This is definitely not something shes doing to look like a bad girl, and its not an easy decision. She's ashamed that she's even considering going this route. But she feels like she backed into a corner and she has to make sure her kids have what they need. She's willing to do what she has to do for them. Shes looked other places and has tried really hard, but shes about to loose everything!
boldjack Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 JWL People will do what they have to do, to get by. As long as she is secure in herself, and is strong enough to resist the temptations of the money and attention she will get, she should be OK.
tinktronik Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 JWL People will do what they have to do, to get by. As long as she is secure in herself, and is strong enough to resist the temptations of the money and attention she will get, she should be OK. I absolutely agree. As long as she has goals in sight, a plan and can separate the job from her real-life she will be fine. I think the idea of her flying in on weekends is a fantastic one. The money is fantastic in Las Vegas, it could range up to $4000 or $5000 a night so she should have no problems being able to purchase her flights in.
EricaH329 Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Its not being able to find a man after that shes most worried about, but we dont question her morals. She's a really good person, kindhearted, respectful, has love for everyone and life its self. Section 8 is closed here the last time it opened was 2 years ago and when it does open its another two year waiting list, I know. Welfare cant pay for everything she needs, its very limited. This is what she want to do. Get in, get out and never look back. She plans to fly to Vegas 2 or 3 weekends a month until shes done with school. I know someones thinking how can she afford to fly to Vegas, but stripping will pay for it. The flights dirt cheap if you book them early. Ok so just to clarify... she will be going to Vegas to strip every other weekend or so? You know, she could probably find a job that won't make her feel this way in Vegas. I'm not trying to say, by any means, that stripping is wrong. It's just not for some people. I've seen people become extremely depressed working as a stripper, because they didn't have a strong enough mentality to strip. Section 8 is very hard to get into, I think that's the case just about anywhere. Has she tried welfare? They are usually pretty quick with that sort of thing. It'll help a lot.
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 She was a stay at home mom, only had one job in her adult life. She cant just go get another job right now. Especially here with the way our city is. She's tried, there's just way to much competition out there, I've struggled through some really tough times. I literally shoveled horse crap to make it through... and I never had to sell drugs or compromise my values. She is supposed to be a role model for those kids. The most important they will ever have. If she is Ok with her kids being strippers, then I won't condemn her for doing it. Though I would still never date her, because any woman who would be a mother to my daughter... needs to be able to teach her that she is worth more to the world than just being a sex object.
sally4sara Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 This is what she want to do. Get in, get out and never look back. She plans to fly to Vegas 2 or 3 weekends a month until shes done with school. I know someones thinking how can she afford to fly to Vegas, but stripping will pay for it. The flights dirt cheap if you book them early. She's just in a technical school and cant work in the medical field till shes done. She finished her pre-requisites but she still has the class and internship. She's never been one to easily stand up for herself so she is a little worried about the people there. She wont let people influence her too much, but shes worried about " What if someone does something inappropriate?" "Whats inappropriate for a stripper?" Hmmm, something doesn't smell right. I just booked two flights for Vegas last month for almost 5 months in advance. It was not THAT cheap. While it might be worth it in comparison to what she stands to make (6 figures is possible even outside of Vegas, NY, Cali, and Miami), nothing she stands to make is a guaranteed in this business. She shouldn't trust the word of most people seeking to guile her into the business. Contracts are to be looked over closely. She needs to work on the standing up for herself or the business might overwhelm her. As to what inappropriate for a stripper? Same as anyone else. If she is not an employer but instead a contractor, she can determine this for herself. If she works for a club, the standards she will experience will have a disappointing decline from what she will be told she will experience. I advise to not work for a club, but rather an adult talent and entertainment agency that can get her work with reviews (headlining at high end clubs for one or two nights only) and the tamer calender and magazine work. Don't listen to anyone who tries to guilt or shame her into accepting a situation she initially found uncomfortable.
batinhell66 Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 God, these stripper threads are definitely my forte! Actually, that could be a bad thing. You should tell your friend straight up that some guys will be OK with the former stripper thing, and some guys will not be. Stripping is like everything else in life, and people are allowed to have a preference when dating. The repercussions with whatever you do follow you through life, whether you like it or not. I'm a recently retired stripper, worked like a DOG for two years just to pay for school and build up a sizable savings account. I'm still quite young, and not quite done with my schooling but I ended up quitting for both myself and my boyfriend. He really could not handle the job, and to his credit, stuck it out for almost a year. Talk about drama, trust issues, and the like. But I digress. While I do understand doing this for an education or kids because of welfare (anyone seen the "I support single moms" shirt?) and feeling backed into a corner, there have been way too many incidents of alcoholism and drug use for me to support stripping for money wholeheartedly. To be blunt, for the first year and a half of stripping, I was the only (Stress: ONLY) sober stripper. Everyone else needed to burn, drink, blow, and whatever. Don't want to rat my friends out here, and I love them, but hell. With kids and everything. I slowly watched the money burn and ignite drug addiction after drug addiction. Honestly, after being able to spend copious amounts of money on anything you want, you start getting bored and start to need a different sort of fuel to deal with a job that involves getting naked, 'dissed/insulted (you'd be surprised at how many mean comments are made...you *need* tough skin or you're done), watching married men and women cheat on their partners, hearing co-workers' usually horrid past, fighting apathy, putting on a big girl mask regardless of situation and physically doing floorwork or pole tricks. You should make her read this thread, if anything. I was physically and mentally prepared (well, the best that I could be) and I got what I wanted from stripping, with the added bonus of a prescription drug addiction and enough stories to write a sad novel. I'm way less sensitive to regular problems now, and catch myself being cold and distant to new people AND loved ones as a result of the job. I have a slight "bitch" problem now, and can manipulate men and lesbian women to a degree. It was akin to enrolling in a private girls' school with naked dancing. Ask your friend if she's willing to put herself through the bad aspects as well, to write a pros and cons list first before she actually does it. Like EricaH said, you have to have a strong mentality to keep focused and vigilant. Some moms will not become strippers for their kids, no matter what so that the kids do not have to ever deal with a mom with a past like that. Some moms will become strippers to feed their kids and make sure they have the necessary provisions for a better future. Tell her not to worry about the whole preference thing with men. That's the least of her worries. If she does decide to do it, tell her to be careful.
Sith Apprentice Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 I have a friend who is at the end of her rope and feels she has no where to turn. She has about 9 months left of school, but needs a way to support her kids until she graduates. Shell be in the medical profession so she wont have a problem getting a job. She the sweetest person and very innocent, so shes having trouble making the decision. Never believe anything a stripper says. These hors are master manipulators. These are the same excuses all strippers use. There's no such thing as a sweet and innocent stripper. Get that fairy tale out of your head right now. I'll give you the secret to scoring strippers- TREAT HER LIKE GARBAGE. Strippers love guys that play mind games and trying to be captain save a ho to a stripper will only get you hurt. They are ***k and chuck material only.
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