Pizzaman81 Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 So I have an issue. I've been with my girlfriend for about 1 year now. She's never really been super girly, and a bit of a tom boy. All my ex's were girly, in the way they act and dress. Now I don't mind my girlfriend's tom boyish personality, I think it's good and we fit. However, something happened a few months back... I feel like the way she dresses is not very attractive at all, very bland and has no style. At the beginning, i ignored it, liked her for her. But now this "superficial" aspect is slowly creeping up on me... and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Some how I lost attraction. I kind of tried to suggest some new stylish clothing but she shot me down, saying she's an independant woman and thinks what she wears is fine. It's been bothering me day after day... I think when i was with my ex's i didn't really notice how it was, until that girly stylish clothing was taken away from me when I am with my current girlfriend. It's really irking me... Am I wrong for thinking dressing nicely is important? And why did I all of a sudden figure this out now? I feel like I am not being fair to her if I look else where... but I don't see her changing.
gavinus Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Be honest tell her what you want and need. If you say nothing it will eat you up, trust that your relationship is strong enough to take it. Tell her it is not her, that you love her but you want her to dress sexy for you, make it about you...not her, good luck
Author Pizzaman81 Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 Be honest tell her what you want and need. If you say nothing it will eat you up, trust that your relationship is strong enough to take it. Tell her it is not her, that you love her but you want her to dress sexy for you, make it about you...not her, good luck Hi, Well a little update. So I tried to let her know, but she just said "That's YOUR preference" I don't think she will budge. She says she has a lot of confidence in the way she dresses. She has a slammin body and a fantastic figure, but her whole life never really hung out with girls etc. She won't go into the hot tub in public without wearing a long t-shirt over her bikini and bottom. I see that as insecurity and lack of confidence in your body. I keep on telling her how good she looks, and that it would be great to wear some more exciting cuts and styles. Again, is this superficial? If you see her, she's not even remotely stylish at all... and it is taking a HUGE toll on me... Is such things breakup worthy? It is what I want in a person... but I just started realizing it like 1 year into it. So bad!
gavinus Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 You have two options: Say nothing, accept her and put yourself second, or option two tell her what you need. I am a guy as well. Part of the attraction of a women for me is to see a womens curves, figure etc. If she tells you what to wear and how to wear it then its only fair for you to do the same. Give and take. Tell her what you want, tell her how important it is too you for her to dress (now and then sexy), if she does not listen then you have a choice to make, and accept the consequences of that choice. It seems like she is not meeting a need for you, be honest with her, good luck
PinkToes Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 Again, is this superficial? If you see her, she's not even remotely stylish at all... and it is taking a HUGE toll on me... Is such things breakup worthy? It is what I want in a person... but I just started realizing it like 1 year into it. So bad! Yup, it's totally superficial. I used to date a guy who wore a baseball cap everywhere, because he was sensitive about his thinning hair. I hated it. But seriously, it was a stupid HAT, and I would have been an idiot to let him go for something like that. So what happens if she does decide to dress in a way that makes you happy? What's going to hit you another year down the road, you hate her new hair style? Honestly, I don't really think this is about her style of dress, or it wouldn't have been OK for the first year together. Sounds to me like your feelings are changing, and this is just your first clue. Because I really don't want to believe you're as superficial as you sound.
Yashy Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 Okay, honestly I believe that this is to do with our own egos. We start thinking that we 'deserve better' than that. It's what you're allowing yourself to focus onto. Try to shift that focus from 'i hate what she's wearing' to 'what will change if she wears better clothing?'. Really ask yourself that. You will see that the answer will be 'to make ME feel better'. That's all it is. So in effect, it's kind of saying 'i am important, show me you care for me by doing it the way I LIKE it'. If I were you, I would go and write down all of the things that you LOVE about your girlfriend. Write those down. Focus on the things that you like, rather than the things you dislike. It may not be instantaneous, but really do give it a shot. Then, go through that list and try to remember from most recent times the things she may have done to evoke good emotions from you; i.e. the last time she made you laugh, or the last time she was loving/caring towards you, the last time you made love which you ended up enjoying. Go through them and keep reiterating them and remembering them. Now, of course if that list you wrote down is very few and you can't remember good times etc, then you may have certain issues. Otherwise, it could well mean that you have many positive things to say/remember about her. It's all about emotional conditioning, which none of us really do on a regular basis. If people's feelings change, then fair enough. I'm just giving you a different perspective you can try in order to say 'I tried'. Really ask yourself when one day you are on your bed at the age of 85 and looking back at your life, how great of an importance the clothes she wore will be to you when you reflect back on your life in comparison to the woman she was? I hope this advice helps you.
Recommended Posts