VASH THE STAMPEDE Posted December 3, 2003 Posted December 3, 2003 Ok, where to start? I had a bad childhood , today I was reminded how bad it was and is digging into my soul. When I was a child (about 7) MY mom got mad at me and threw a rock at me ,which hit me in the forehead and left a hole in my head, there was blood everywhere. Now I'm sitting here thinking who the fuc* is that ignorant to hurt a child like that.I don't hate my mom ,but is saddens me,but at the same time piss the fuc* out of me. I'm trying not let anything get to me but it's hard. Then my wife has been cold toward me, I'm loosing control of my life and don't know what to do ,what to think . I'm sad ,I'm pissed,I'm lost, with no where to turn to.
lostforwords Posted December 3, 2003 Posted December 3, 2003 Vash im so sorry to hear you had a s***ty childhood..... what your mother did was simply horrible..... and the bad memories we have from our childhood should be good..... have you seeked counsilling for this? if you are having to deal with your crappy childhood memories coming about no doubt other areas in your life will be affected.... unfortunately dealing with it is the hard part... unless you seek guidance.... you have to understand you cant deal with these alone..... have you explained to yoru wife how yoru feeling???? no doubt if you did she would be understanding and try to help you with it. keep me updated dude..... i sincerely hope everything works out for you!!!!
moimeme Posted December 3, 2003 Posted December 3, 2003 Vash! I'm so sorry to hear you're having a rough time. Is there anything we can do?
Arabess Posted December 3, 2003 Posted December 3, 2003 The bad part of facing the fear of rejection is that it feeds itself on memories. Sometimes when someone hurts us...we have a tendency of reopening healed wounds. Other than therapy and good friends, I really don't know how one would be able to control the bad movies in their head. It's not fair for ANYONE to have memories of a parent who mistreated them. However, I suppose it is just a part of life. It seems a great many people had parents who make/made bad judgement calls....and the hurt stays with them forever. I do hope your life turns around though....and you begin to appreciate who you are as a survivor.
EnigmaXOXO Posted December 3, 2003 Posted December 3, 2003 Have you ever sat down and talked about this terrible childhood memory with your mother? Told her how it made, and still makes you feel? Sometimes its the only way to let go of the pain. I know that doing this really helped me a lot. I had some painful childhood memories of my own. One in particular when my father whipped me with a belt because I kicked my sneakers off without untying them first. I was only six years old. I never considered my parents to be 'abusive' because back then physical discipline was not as taboo as it is today. But I did always regard my father and mother a bit overly aggressive when it came to discipline. Not so much for the punishment received; rather for the silly reasons they administered it. For instance, we were to make sure we cleaned out the tub thoroughly after every bath. Like a drill sergeant, my Dad would come in and inspect our work. If we had left behind so much as a single long hair, we would get our behinds whooped. Funny how maturity and age seems to change people. Strict parents become passive, and patient grandparents who dote on and spoil your children. As Bill Cosby once said about his aging parents, "Grandparents are just old people who are now trying to get into heaven." It wasn't until I had my own daughter that something within my own father seemed to change. Since she was his first grandchild, my daughter was the apple of his eye. He couldn't stand to see her cry or be scolded. He made me promise never to use the belt on her like he had with my sister and I. I never did...not because he 'asked' ... but because I remembered how it much I hated it when I was a child. I remember him sitting across the kitchen table with tears in his eyes as he confessed to me how guilty he felt about ever laying a belt to my behind. I reassured him that while I remembered those beatings, I forgave and still loved him. That I respected him as my father and understood that he was only doing what he knew how to do at the time. That he was only raising my sister and I the same way that his parents had raised him. He learned by example. It was good to finally sit down and talk with my father about those things --- now, as two ‘adults.’ It helped us both to let go of some of the pain and move on with our lives. I still love my parents deeply, just as you still love your mother. But as we get older, we grow to realize that our parents are just human beings who are as flawed and imperfect as everyone else. Perhaps we no longer place them atop pedestals, but we can still love, respect and appreciate them as ‘equals.’ Sit down and have a heart-felt talk with your Mom, Vash. It may be the first step for both of you towards mutual healing and learning to let go of those painful childhood scars…The ones no one can see.
quankanne Posted December 3, 2003 Posted December 3, 2003 I think Enigma has a good point -- addressing the one who has dealt you a serving of hurt will go a long way in helping you heal. All emotions are fair game when you do bring up that hurtful incident, and that's okay, because the goal is to let the hurt go. my dad was a class-act screamer and hollerer with us when we were growing up, and my brothers and sisters got out of the house as quickly as they could. I stayed home a little longer, and I learned that a lot of his behavior had to do with his expecting his six kids to respect his authority the way the way his military subordinates did; and a lot of it had to do with his feeling insecure around us. when the grandkids started coming along, they couldn't do any wrong in their grandpa's eyes, and it was hell to discipline them when he was busy spoiling them or telling them not to pay any attention to what their parents said. In a way, it's kind of funny, but I think it also has a lot to do with making up for being such a jerk to his own kids. now that I'm older, I can see these things, but it took a lot of yelling back at the old man and telling him that he wasn't the boss of me to get him to see me as an adult with my own ideas. Actually, it's kind of funny now, because even though we do butt heads, he seems to respect that I will speak my mind, even if it's not something he wants to hear. talking with your mom might not solve most of your problems immediately, Vash, but it'll go a long, long way in helping you deal with them. quank
meanon Posted December 4, 2003 Posted December 4, 2003 Vash, Sorry to hear you are sad (BIG HUGS) and hope things are a bit better today. I think the advice about talking to your mum is great if you can do it. I had problems with my mum in adolescence and found that whenever I tried to talk to her about it all I got was a verbal attack that made it worse than before. Things are great with mum now but for a long time I put distance in the relationship to protect myself so that whatever she did couldn't hurt me. I guess I am worried that if your mum is still irresponsible and the relationship is strained she may hurt you again when you are at your lowest. If you think this is likely I'd get help from a therapist or by talking to wise friends first and speak to your mum when you have more resilience and ability to cope. Most abuse makes people feel bad about themselves even though logically we know the abuser is at fault, not us. It is this negative self perception which affects later life. If you feel like this is there someone you can talk to about it? What happened to you was awful and will always make you sad but it's in your past and if it's affecting your present then it's time to do something about it.
Desert Wind Posted December 4, 2003 Posted December 4, 2003 When you are in a bad situation, all the negative things that you have experienced become one giant mass of pain. Your wife is probably affected by this situation as well and in tensioned filled time we do tend to hit out on the very person we love most because we think they don’t understand. Maybe they really don’t but it doesn’t help with the pain you have. Confronting your mother may have different outcome than what you expect. Best is not to expect anything but if you feel the need to express your hurt do so. Enigma, I am glad your father had a chance at making amends for his actions long ago. My dad didn’t and when my brother died, I accused him and my mom vocally for the first time that it was all their fault. It was cruel of me to do so and it took me years to come to terms and understand their positions and upbringing. I spoke with my mom this year about an issue I had with her. I was hoping and expecting that she will feel sorry but instead she told me that was what she had to do. I didn’t argue but express my hurt but also my understanding that it was indeed the only way she knew how and she won’t change that. I have no idea what your situation is right now and I am sure it is extremely difficult. Talking to someone can help. Desert Wind
Author VASH THE STAMPEDE Posted December 4, 2003 Author Posted December 4, 2003 Thanks for the Hugs and replies I'm feeling a little better today,I will be talking with my mother about my past . She has changed alot in the past few years. Me and my wife is just bad chemistry. Now,I got problems at work . This idiot accused me of something I didn't do, now my work is being question. It extremely pisses me off that he would lie like that for no reason and really thought of kicking his a$$,but know it would solve nothing,so I arranged a meeting for Saturday. It should go well ,I'm already cooled off ,so it gives me an edge on the situation and straight thought. I was originally going to yell at him and cause him hell, since I'm higher than him in the company. (4th Manager) But now see no reason to. So THANKS for all your advise. Victor A. P.
moimeme Posted December 4, 2003 Posted December 4, 2003 Hey, Victor! I've been lied about at work, too. SUCKS bigtime, doesn't it? Congratulations on cooling off before confronting your co-worker. Sounds like you're winning the anger management battle I hope things work out for you and your wife. And good luck with that work meeting! Merry
Author VASH THE STAMPEDE Posted December 4, 2003 Author Posted December 4, 2003 Originally posted by moimeme Hey, Victor! I've been lied about at work, too. SUCKS bigtime, doesn't it? Congratulations on cooling off before confronting your co-worker. Sounds like you're winning the anger management battle I hope things work out for you and your wife. And good luck with that work meeting! Merry Thanks, it was really hard I wanted to hurt him or destroy his work area in some way as revenge for his stupidity. Then I thought ,why? It would just make him look better and make it seem he was truthful. Victor
moimeme Posted December 4, 2003 Posted December 4, 2003 Then I thought ,why? It would just make him look better and make it seem he was truthful Exactly Way to go! They look a whole lot worse if you logic and fact them to bits than if you whomp 'em. Remember, it's the one who gets maddest that ususally loses - because he looks like a loser! If you can deal with him and keep it all together, you'll gain the upper hand Merry
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