MyNameIsLee Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 It’s been 35 days since our break up. Except for an email expressing “no hard feelings” on my part and a same response from you, there hasn’t been any communication between us since then. I like doing total NC. I feel in control of my life. To date, this has been the easiest breakup I’ve ever experienced. This was my third LTR. I know I was not crazy about you. I chose you to be my companion – good enough to be my boyfriend but not good enough to live with or marry. You didn’t blow me away. I was not impressed. I feel beautiful. I feel attractive and look forward to meeting new people again. I feel I haven’t been on a date for a long time. Yes, it has been a long time. We haven’t been on a real date for almost 4 years. I think of you everyday. It’s my brain sending signals reminding me of a habit or a routine. There are no corresponding feelings when you pop in my mind. Mostly it’s indifference and sometimes a bit of nostalgia. We had a good time walking the streets of San Francisco. I sleep well enough. Food tastes good. Books are enjoyable. Movies are interesting. I laugh with friends and don’t feel the need to talk about “it” constantly. I feel self-centered talking about you when I do. Others need me too. I don’t miss you. I put away the photos the day we broke up. I threw away your boxers and t-shirt the moment we broke up. I took it as final. I don’t want to go back. I feel like I’m outside looking in and you seem so ordinary and unsexy now. I don’t ache for you. I cried a total of 2 hours over the loss of the familiar. I’m not scared. I feel mysterious. I’m sure you wonder about me. I wonder about you too. But not enough to want to pick up the phone or fire up my email to send you a line. My weekends are not always filled with events. I don’t need to distract myself. I don’t need people around me 24/7. I’m glad for the solitude and being alone with my thoughts. It was not love that brought me to you. You were a nice guy. You were not a threat. Thank you for being reliable – calling me when you said you would call, spending time and staying with me at home, and doing little things that mattered to me. I know you loved me once because I felt it. You showed it. As I look back, maybe you’re the one to teach me patience and understanding. I’ve been really good. I’ve grown up. I feel the changes. That person is gone. I hope someday, we can get that good feeling again, and for the second time, we’ll be friends again.
gavinus Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 I'm curious, this is a forum for people generally in pain and wanting support and advice, so my question is why did you post if you are feeling great about breaking up?
Northwesthunny Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 im confused to, is this what you wrote to your ex?
mogul Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 You sound insecure for being with someone that wasnt "good enough" for you. Relationship wise, I would never settle for anything less than ideal and everything I want and up to par with me. I apologize if this sounds harsh, but you sound like a loser that just used the guy for fear that you couldnt get anyone else and just had to settle.
jjaded1 Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Some people just need to get stuff out. I can relate to some of what is written.
Author MyNameIsLee Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 Gavinus & NWH, who said I'm not hurting? I thought this site is for people wanting to understand the breakdown of relationships. I think it's myopic to think that only certain people hurt after a breakup. Mogul, w/o knowing the dynamics of the relationship, I don't think it's nice to call someone a "loser." As you know, I'm sure, it's very complex and what I wrote is about the aftermath and not what happened during it. Ask me questions and I'll answer it as honestly as I can! Jjaded, thanks. No matter, I appreciate all the varying opinions and interpretations.
conehead Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 I know how you feel. I was the same way. My bf broke up with me 2 months ago. I wasn't crazy about him or even in love with him, but he was nice and treated me well at the time. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt that he broke up with me, but it certainly makes the breakup much easier.
Author MyNameIsLee Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 Cone, you rock. And I'm sorry for what happened...
GrayClouds Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 To date, this has been the easiest breakup I’ve ever experienced. This was my third LTR. I know I was not crazy about you. I chose you to be my companion – good enough to be my boyfriend but not good enough to live with or marry. You didn’t blow me away. I was not impressed. I understand you may be in pain but I lack a bit of sympathy because it seems self inflected. Selfish people hurt other people and in this case one may be themselves. Call me naive, call me a romantic, call me a prude but unless the other was told they was not "good enough" and was ok with that it, it is emotionally parsimonious to pursue a relationship without sincere intent.
conehead Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 MyName, why did you two break up? Did he initiate it?
Author MyNameIsLee Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 I understand you may be in pain but I lack a bit of sympathy because it seems self inflected. Selfish people hurt other people and in this case one may be themselves. Call me naive, call me a romantic, call me a prude but unless the other was told they was not "good enough" and was ok with that it, it is emotionally parsimonious to pursue a relationship without sincere intent. CG, I'm not looking for sympathy here. I KNOW IT'S SELF-INFLICTED. I think you bring your own personal hurt and disappointments to my thread. I have enough of my own already. Would it help then if I announce myself as selfish? I was honest with my needs from the very start and he continued to have a relationship with me. There was no contract. He was free to go. I stayed because my needs were being met. Then his needs changed but I couldn't meet them so in the end we had to let it go.
Author MyNameIsLee Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 MyName, why did you two break up? Did he initiate it? Cone, he initiated it. He wants to have a kid someday. I do not. Having said that, I was slowly pulling away a few months prior to that revelation because of other issues. The kid situation was basically the last straw.
gavinus Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 MyNameIsLee, you talk about your relationship as a business transaction. It makes me sad that you appear to have no remorse, empathy or even compassion for the person that you hurt. I hope one day you discover what real love is and only then will you understand what losing somebody you love 100% is really like
Northwesthunny Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Gavinus & NWH, who said I'm not hurting? I thought this site is for people wanting to understand the breakdown of relationships. I think it's myopic to think that only certain people hurt after a breakup. Mogul, w/o knowing the dynamics of the relationship, I don't think it's nice to call someone a "loser." As you know, I'm sure, it's very complex and what I wrote is about the aftermath and not what happened during it. Ask me questions and I'll answer it as honestly as I can! Jjaded, thanks. No matter, I appreciate all the varying opinions and interpretations. i NEVER said you was not hurting! I asked if this was what you sent your ex!!
GrayClouds Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 (edited) I'm not looking for sympathy here. Gavinus & NWH, who said I'm not hurting? Those two statements create cognitive dissonance I think you bring your own personal hurt and disappointments to my thread. When you open yourself up in a public manner you avail yourself to the what ever biases others will bring. Then to be upset that they do is a bit mendacious. To simply discount the supposition because it is difficult to accept is an effete response when you turn around and say: I thought this site is for people wanting to understand the breakdown of relationships. No matter, I appreciate all the varying opinions and interpretations. But again it is not difficult to understand the breakdown of the relationship you describe. You did not have intent for it to last. Would it help then if I announce myself as selfish? Not for me, but maybe for yourself. Because knowing the problem that hurt this relationship my be the first step keeping it from repeating in the next relationship. Edited October 17, 2009 by GrayClouds
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