Barby Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 :(Trying to make a long story short...my fiance and I just broke up tonight because I feel under-appreciated and like he isn't really "there" emotionally. We've been through a LOT together...we were together three years and then I got into a little bit of trouble and did a time of 4 years of incarceration:confused:...He stuck by me and things looked like they would be well. At his request I moved into his home, stopped visiting my family, besides job searching I am there at his beck and call, staying there to keep his sister company, ect. He is a very controlling guy anyway (which I accepted and am used to) but lately he's been indifferent and cold towards me, which is very unusual. Tonight after some more of his indifference I packed my stuff in my car and left after asking him if that's what he wanted and only getting silence as a response....so I left. Already I miss him terribly and think I may have made a big mistake...how can I be sure? Is it just that I'm used to him? I really do love him and the thought of being with someone else or him with another crushes me deeply... Tomorrow I have to return some of his clothes that I washed today and I wrote him a letter...I love him very much and I want to go back but should I? What in the world do I do now? I'm not a needy person and I don't mind being alone but I really do love him and I just don't know if it's worth trying for anymore....please help...suggestions, comments, anything will help right now!
caseymw25 Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 if you really do want to be with him but all you got was silence from him, i think you need some closure of why hes all the sudden acting different. YOU NEED CLOSURE! sit down and actually talk to him see if yall can sort things out. communicate. if you cant work it out and he feels differently then try going NC, he might miss you and want you back.
Author Barby Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 Thanks for the comment. I actually left the things that I had to return to him in his car last night along with a note letting him know that he could contact me if he had a change of heart or whatever....I am going into the N/C. This morning things don't seem so bad, I love him, but obviously our relationship has had it's ups and downs and maybe we've hit the end of our adventure. Anyway thanks for the advice!
aeren944 Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Ok, your story sounds seriously similar to mine and my GF's. We were together for only about a year, then she was incarcerated for 3 years. I waited for her, staying faithful, and when she got out, we moved in together. I don't view myself as controlling or anything, but I do like having her attention... Anyway, we've been hitting a huge rocky time lately. She said I don't make her happy anymore, and that I took her for granted, and she's right... The point I'm trying to make is that it came to the point where I had to make a decision on what I was going to do... I needed to realize how much I really did love her. I was incredibly depressed while she was in prison, and also, I think I felt she owed me something because I waited for her. I was wrong about that, and I screwed MYSELF up with being so depressed... I lost myself in all of that. Basically, I made the decision that she was the one I wanted... that I was stupid for taking her for granted, since she deserves so much more. I had to seriously sit down and make that decision. I understand it's VERY hard for you right now, and I feel SO sorry for you and your situation. But don't take all the blame... what I'm saying is that he needs to make that decision... he needs to realize that he's passing up what he'd waiting so long for. Just know that I know exactly how you feel, albeit from the guy's perspective... and I hope you can make it through each day, still holding your head up.
Author Barby Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 Thank you! Your response hit home a lot...I did and still kind of do feel like I "owe" him because of all we've been through and the fact that he waited on me. BUT I DO love him very much, he makes me happy, I love doing all I do for him! Shaving his face daily, cutting his nails, cooking, cleaning, making love all the time, ect, ect....... I know that he HAS to realize what it is that he wants...I won't contact him because I wrote him a letter and left it with his stuff...he knows I love him and where I stand but at the same time the next move is on him. I'll be okay...I have a LOT of family support, including his family's support...mainly his sister. I know the only thing to do is give it time and space and accept whatever comes next....with or without him. Thanks for the perspective of a man....(though I equally appreciate all words of wisdom:) )
Author Barby Posted October 17, 2009 Author Posted October 17, 2009 So he called today....he called just to "see what I was doing":confused: I missed him so much and was ready to call him...but I didn't, then low and behold he calls....all goes well at first...then he decides to say something to get a rise out of me.... This time I didn't take the bait and we ended up ending the conversation on civil terms....problem now is....I want to go see him, but not move back in...he's the "all or nothing" type of guy...he wants me to move back but I know it's not gonna work just yet...we have too much to work through. Anyway just an update....even though I miss him I don't really know if I'll go back to see him tonight.... Maybe he needs more time away from me?!?
hellothar Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 From what I can tell from your post you pretty much gave up all of you for him. You shave him and clip his nails? How do you have family support if you don't even see them? Is he stopping you or getting upset when you do or are you doing it by choice? Do you fear the response he will give if you say you are visiting your family? You need time from him... like you said he is controlling and unwilling to meet even the simplest things for the relationship. He seems very unwilling to compromise. He is making you feel like you owe him for staying by your side, you are his partner not his slave, and until he can treat you with respect he doesn't deserve to be with you or anyone else.
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