maria2436 Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 (edited) Hi everyone after reading all these threads I've finally gotten the courage to post my own story of an affair that i terribly regret of having gone into hoping i would be able to learn and have enough courage to leave. I'm 25 and i've been having an affair with a MM who's 48 with 2 kids and a wife. I've had to go through tremendous sacrifices including hurting my ex bf of 3 years after he found out i was cheating. He still wanted me back after but I've lost all feelings for him due to being distracted by this man. I was going through a rough time in my life and this man just appeared out of no where and swiped me away. I initially had a crush on him like nobody else before. He looked very handsome for his age and i didn't think he would be attracted to me. We exchanged numbers and honestly i thought we were just going to be friends but eventually we started hanging out more going to bars and that led us to become physical with each other. It felt so wrong but so right at the same time. Being with him is like an out of body experience i truly forget all the sad things in my life and he just brings me happiness. He sounds sincere because he told me he was scared i would make him leave his wife and he loves his kids. He would buy me things to help furnish my apartment and take me to adventurous places and treat me like a queen and make me feel special. On the other hand i feel terrible as my ex and i had so many mutual friends that i have lost respect from. My ex was a good guy but i just got to a point where i felt my relationship was stale and wasn't going anywhere and this new man just came in and brought excitement. I know i've hurt so many people by doing this yet he is the only one that i can go to now for anything since I've lost so many friends and don't know who i can go to for advice. To me this feels like a drug addiction. I try to leave but its just so hard yet i know what I'm doing is so wrong. I'm emotionally attached to him and there was a point where i tried to stop but he would keep on pushing and i eventually would fall back into the hole. I don't know what to do now Edited October 16, 2009 by maria2436
2sunny Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 once you've dug yourself into that hole and you decide you don't like it there - STOP DIGGING! now - if you stop digging, you can eventually figure out how to climb out of the hole you dug...
Athena Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Oh Maria, this man is using you. He never intends on leaving his wife for you, and no matter how much more you grow to love him, he keeps his feelings for you compartmentalized, and probably in a part of his brain, not in his heart. A man of his age thinks a 25 year old woman is hot stuff BECAUSE of her age. I have a husband like him -- 49, we have two children together, and my husband has had many other women as affair partners in our marriage (and he would love a nice young one like you!). He has always justified the affairs in his mind by saying that he would never leave his wife for any woman... but that still didn't stop him from 'using' her. And your married man is using you too. He has offered you smoke and mirrors, with no substance to a loving, lasting relationship. You have lost a lot to be with him. Is it all worth it? Put your self-esteem right, break it off with this cake-eater of yours -- I promise you he is not as wonderful as he puts it on for you -- if you only knew his true thoughts and intentions of you, you would dump his sorry a$$
Jacky Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Affairs are very messy situations so avoid at all cost. He might be sincere about leaving his wife etc however until he has the divorce papers he haven't left her. Good luck with it, hope he is sinere about leaving if not run away. It is very difficult...
Fallen Angel Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Before you take the next step towards being the OTHER WOMAN let me tell you what it is really like. I know, I am one... You wake up in the morning alone... You go through your day alone.... You go to bed alone... You spend holidays alone, you eat alone, you cry a lot, alone... You get bits and pieces of him scattered through your alone time.. It is never enough. You stop seeing your friends, because you feel ashamed. You stop doing things for yourself, because you feel unworthy of even self-love. You find it hard to look women in the face on the street because you don't know if this time it may be HER (his wife). You dread your phone ringing from a number you don't recognize. You dread a knock on your door you were not expecting. You never know when your affair will be outted and you may have to face a nasty confrontation. So on top of being sad, and alone, and unfulfilled, you are scared. In your heart you know that his love for her is stronger than his love for you. When he is away from you, you wonder if he is making love to his wife, or possibly another other woman. You fear that each day will be the last day. You fear you will get found out, and he will be gone forever. And when you try to break it off, the pain is overwhelming. You lose your self. You lose your self-respect. You lose hope for something more. Your life stops while you wait for something that will never happen. From someone who has felt all of that pain, and so much more, stop NOW, before it is too late.
fooled once Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 If FallenAngels words don't help you see that this is NOT how you want to live your life, then I am afraid, nothing will help you. Re-read her post over and over ---- she speaks from experience. You are going to stay alone (except for brief moments) unless you get out NOW. He has told you he is scared you will make him leave his wife and kids -- that right there tells you he has NO intention or desire to leave them. So if you want to wind up alone, stay in the affair. He has a wife, kids, a family...you are just his side piece. Is that all you want for yourself - at 25??? Good luck!
MistyK Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 (((Fallen Angel))) Hugs. You'll be able to get away when the time is right for you.
kma11 Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 best advice on this site...read and re read advice from fallenangel. that is the stuff that affairs are made of, that is the best description of what you are signing up for...that will be your future. it will forever write on the "wall" of who you are...you have your entire life ahead of you, go out and enjoy it with people who can be seen in public with you. people that you can call at any hour, friends that don't turn off their phone every night, people that dont park their cars in your garage , people that will invite you on their vacations and have you over for Thanksgiving dinner. warm wishes sent your way.
NowhereToHide Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Fallen, your post should become the header for this forum. Your words are so powerful, filled with such sadness and loneliness... and it's all true. Please know that you have a place to come when you're finally ready to take the big step to get out. We're here to listen and to help.
delajoonal Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 wow! Fallen...even i had to comment on that last post...wow again! what intense powerful words and i can feel your pain in each and every one of them:( you are a good soul Fallen...yes, weird coming from a BS, right..LOL but i think we have gotten to know and understand each other... and you are def a unique OW... your time will come wihen you wake up one morning and the strength will be there...all the things that you hae NOT been able to do or say to your MM... you will...like everything worth having...takes time... you will be free of your A and feelings for your MM one day...being here on LS is great therapy for you...you are reaching out..and when you post for others..you are actually helping yourself as well;) goodl luck sweetie.. you will make it..you will be fine...you deserve to be happy..and you will be..very soon;)
Athena Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 aww FallenAngel, my heart goes out to you. Please take care of yourself! You have given away everything you have to a man that is taking you for granted. Do the right thing and walk away. To find yourself again. To Maria2346 -- when you get so tied up in a relationship that you are willing to risk ALL you have, and in your case you did -- your reputation, your friends, your boyfriend, your self-esteem, just to have your con artist MM whisper sweet nothings in your ear.... that is TOO much sacrifice! Loving someone does not mean you give up everything! It means that person brings out the best in you..., but clearly, your having a clandestine relationship with a selfish man is NOT bringing out the best in you!
Dexter Morgan Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Hi everyone after reading all these threads I've finally gotten the courage to post my own story of an affair that i terribly regret of having gone into hoping i would be able to learn and have enough courage to leave. I'm 25 and i've been having an affair with a MM who's 48 with 2 kids and a wife. I've had to go through tremendous sacrifices including hurting my ex bf of 3 years after he found out i was cheating. He still wanted me back after but I've lost all feelings for him due to being distracted by this man. hopefully you spared your bf and broke up with him so he can move on and find someone decent. I was going through a rough time in my life and this man just appeared out of no where and swiped me away. yup, liars and cheaters have a way of wrapping women around their finger. I initially had a crush on him like nobody else before. He looked very handsome for his age and i didn't think he would be attracted to me. We exchanged numbers and honestly i thought we were just going to be friends geez...really, thats ALL you thought when getting his number? He sounds sincere because he told me he was scared i would make him leave his wife and he loves his kids. any "man" that loves his kids won't cheat on their mother. I'd have felt like the biggest piece of s##t dad in the world if I ever did that. bottom line, if he cared about his kids, he wouldn't have been out at bars with you. He would buy me things to help furnish my apartment and take me to adventurous places and treat me like a queen and make me feel special. ah, now we are getting to the meat of it.....money. On the other hand i feel terrible as my ex and i had so many mutual friends that i have lost respect from. My ex was a good guy but i just got to a point where i felt my relationship was stale and wasn't going anywhere and this new man just came in and brought excitement. well then you need to stay away from committment until you are mature enough to handle it, because there will always be someone out there that can bring excitement to someone that has been in a relationship for a while. I know i've hurt so many people by doing this yet he is the only one that i can go to now for anything since I've lost so many friends and don't know who i can go to for advice. To me this feels like a drug addiction. I try to leave but its just so hard yet i know what I'm doing is so wrong. I'm emotionally attached to him and there was a point where i tried to stop but he would keep on pushing and i eventually would fall back into the hole. I don't know what to do now try knocking on his door when he isn't home and telling his wife....maybe that'll give you the smack upside the head that you need to realize, he is a cheater and a liar.
Fallen Angel Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 Thanks to all of you who are showing me such compassion. It really means more than you know. OP, I really hope that you get out while you still can. This path only runs in a circle. There is no fairytale ending, simply because there is no ending. I have said many times that those of us involved in affairs are selfish. I stand by that, but at the same time I wish i could be even more selfish. I stay with him because I am selfish and I want what I DO get from him, even though I know that it is hurting someone else. But I hope someday I learn to be SO selfish that I can demand MORE for me. Right now I am taking much less than I would be willing to allow any one else I cared about to settle for. How is that for being stupid? My head knows what I need to do, but my heart doesn't listen. Get out while your heart still listens to your head! The only way you get the fairytale ending is if your Prince DOES NOT ALREADY HAVE HIS PRINCESS. Find the Prince that is out there somewhere searching for you. I really do wish you a fairytale. Good Luck.
whatisgoingon Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 My head knows what I need to do, but my heart doesn't listen. Get out while your heart still listens to your head! . This is absolutely the truest statement I have ever heard, I wish my heart would of listened to my head a yr and half ago. I would be much happier!!
Recommended Posts