NowhereToHide Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 I have been NC for a few days. God, I miss him. Please tell me I'm doing the right thing.
candoit Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 whats a few days ? did he attempt to call you
Author NowhereToHide Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 whats a few days ? did he attempt to call you I went NC this weekend. He texted me yesterday but I didn't respond.
Spoiled Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 I have been NC for a few days. God, I miss him. Please tell me I'm doing the right thing. YES, you are doing the right thing. I know your pain and it hurts like hell. If your are trying to improve your M and keep your family together, you are doing the right thing. It is the only way you can even know whether or not it can improve. You cannot maintain the A and expect anything at home to get better. On the flip side, if you maintain NC, and say a year from now and your M does not improve. It's time to go.
Author NowhereToHide Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 My M has already improved dramatically. I've engaged with my H and we are doing so well right now. I think part of it for me is that I don't have my xAP anymore. I don't have him in my head as much. I want my H. I want my marriage. It's just letting go of him is so damn hard.
candoit Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 we are in the same boat except you a MOW so it must be much harder for you to get over another M whilst another one is laying beside you ..... good luck and be strong YOU CAN DO IT
mybrowneyedgirl Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 nowhere - im right there with you. its easy to focus on the H with a somewhat clear head. but i also know the pain involved with losing the man you love. i never knew something could hurt so much. im just as obsessed and focused on the missing him feelings as i was with the loving him feelings. i hate this.
Fallen Angel Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 NoWhereToHide, You are doing the right thing. You love your husband. You love him in a way you were not capable of loving your MOM. Your husband loves you. He loves you in a way your MOM was incapable of loving you. The pain will lessen, you will find happy moments, you will smile again, and then find you are smiling more often than you are not. You are working on making your marriage something we will all be jealous of. You will grow old with someone knowing that when you had the chance to do something different, your heart and soul chose him. Today is today, and if you need to hurt today allow yourself to do that, knowing that tomorrow it will not hurt quite as much as it did today. ((HUGS))
Fallen Angel Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 If I hurt your feelings, or made you angry with me, please forgive me, that was never my intent.
Spoiled Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 I have been NC for two months and I still hurt. Not as often but the pain is the same for me. I cried during my entire IC session this week. My H looked at me today and asked if I were okay. My sadness must be obvious, I miss him. I keep reading posts and when others say their NC time is longer than mine, it helps me, we can do it too. Please do not respond to the message, if you do, it will set you back all over again. Don't torture yourself.
Author NowhereToHide Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 If I hurt your feelings, or made you angry with me, please forgive me, that was never my intent. Fallen.. no hurt feelings. Thank you for reaching out. And thank you for your kind words. I really need them tonight.
Author NowhereToHide Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 I have been NC for two months and I still hurt. Not as often but the pain is the same for me. I cried during my entire IC session this week. My H looked at me today and asked if I were okay. My sadness must be obvious, I miss him. I keep reading posts and when others say their NC time is longer than mine, it helps me, we can do it too. Please do not respond to the message, if you do, it will set you back all over again. Don't torture yourself. I'm not going to respond. I WANT to respond, but this happens to me every time. I get sucked back in so easily. I know he loves me. I know he wants to have me as a "friend" -- he wants to stay connected to me and doesn't want to lose me. It's taken me a long time to realize that I can't have it that way. It's too painful to see his name on my email or his number come up on my phone. I just don't want the pain anymore. I'm ready for it to be over. I want my life back. I have to keep in mind that we are both doing what we need to do for our families. I know in my heart that what we are doing is right. I just wish it didn't hurt so damn much to lose him.
boldjack Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 If it hurts to see his name, or his number, block him from your e-mail and phone. He must live his life, you must live yours, and no connection is possible, you already know that. When he comes into your thoughts, turn them towards your husband. It's hard at first, but gets easier with time. Maintain NC, and you'll be fine!!
Author NowhereToHide Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 If it hurts to see his name, or his number, block him from your e-mail and phone. He must live his life, you must live yours, and no connection is possible, you already know that. When he comes into your thoughts, turn them towards your husband. It's hard at first, but gets easier with time. Maintain NC, and you'll be fine!! Thanks Boldjack. I closed out my email account. I need to block him from my phone. It's been so much easier to be present in my marriage since I've removed him from my life. I know this is for the best.
Spoiled Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 I'm not going to respond. I WANT to respond, but this happens to me every time. I get sucked back in so easily. I know he loves me. I know he wants to have me as a "friend" -- he wants to stay connected to me and doesn't want to lose me. It's taken me a long time to realize that I can't have it that way. It's too painful to see his name on my email or his number come up on my phone. I just don't want the pain anymore. I'm ready for it to be over. I want my life back. I have to keep in mind that we are both doing what we need to do for our families. I know in my heart that what we are doing is right. I just wish it didn't hurt so damn much to lose him. My IC had to help me. I deleted his numbers from my phone in her presence. I used her computer to delete all 600+ emails and photos:love:Probably read each email who knows how many times which assisted me to keep going back. Like you, I could not do the "friend" thing. I got to the point in which I wanted all or nothing because there was no way we would have maintained an appropriate friendship. Although 200 miles apart. He is most likely feeling what you feel. Loving you and hurting without you.
boldjack Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Look at it this way , NWH. He is trying to do the same thing you are. Reconnect with his SO, and is probably thinking the same thoughts , you are having. He isn't as strong as you, so YOU will have to make the decision to go absolute NC, for him as well. But don't be too sad, you are correcting your mistakes, and are helping to reunite two families. You are a very good person, and I wish you well.:)
Author NowhereToHide Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 Look at it this way , NWH. He is trying to do the same thing you are. Reconnect with his SO, and is probably thinking the same thoughts , you are having. He isn't as strong as you, so YOU will have to make the decision to go absolute NC, for him as well. But don't be too sad, you are correcting your mistakes, and are helping to reunite two families. You are a very good person, and I wish you well.:) I know I'm an emotional mess right now, but THANK YOU for these words, Boldjack. They mean more than you can possibly know.
boldjack Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 No need to thank me..........I have been there too.
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