Newbee and Broken

[Surfgal]

Hi there,

I have been reading thru many of the threads here trying to find clarity. It seems like no matter how the break up, the heart hurts the same nonetheless.

 

I met a guy online and he lives in Sacramento and I live in Los Angeles. It was funny how we met because in my criteria, I put a 25 mile area zone. But for some reason he came up.

 

I was immediately attractive to his picture and his profile as we have shared much in common. At first, I didn't even know he was located in Sacramento but just really went by what he wrote and the cuteness of his picture.

 

I contacted him and he immediately wrote me back. We moved from the website to Instant Messenging. I found out he lived in Sacramento but it was workable and not a big problem. Although he lives in Sacramento, he was in Quebec Canada attending his sisters funeral. He was there for 2 weeks. Since he was there in Canada this gave us time to really develop an emotional connection. We would IM and skype for hours each day with our webcams. We became so comfortable with each other. It just felt so good and so right.

 

Anyway, he came back to Calif and I made an immediate arrangement to fly out to see him. We made an agreement that as soon as we saw each other we wud say nothing and only give each other a big kiss. I guess we both felt the connection because we met and did not say anything and kissed. My flight was just for the day. So I spent the next 8 hours with him. We just connected on all levels. We felt so comfortable and could spend hours without even a dead moment. I left back home and we were both sad. We texted all the time while I was at the airport waiting to fly home. I called him when I got home and we just talked more and more.

 

Another 3 weeks goes by and I fly out again to see him. The same thing, just simply magical. This time we do the deed. It was so magical and we both just loved it. I flew back home and it was like the first time but more closeness.

 

You may ask why I am the one flying out there all the time. This is why. I have a 7 year old child and I just didn't want to mix her in yet until something of significance was established. Also my story is that I am going thru a divorce and just feel it isn't right to bring him into anything. He very much understood and we just left it at that.

 

Anway, during our time we were together, I got notice that my fathers cancer has returned and went into his bones. This put alot of stress on me. Also, at the same time, my uncle lost his battle to cancer and passed away. Two Saturdays ago, I was sitting there behind my aunt and my cousins who are my age at my uncles funeral. I was so emotionally spent as I was imagining that this cud be me soon at my own fathers funeral.

 

My ex texted me a nice message and I didnt hear from him til 9pm that night when I received a cute video text message of him telling me how much he cared about me and loved me. I got home from the funeral around 10 that night and like I said, I was emotionally drained. Which made me very emotion. I kind of was upset that I didnt hear from him all day knowing what I was going thru. As I look back at it now, it was very stupid of me to put so much on him, but I was so down.

 

Anyway, I texted him back how I was feeling and that I was sad that he didnt contact me all day. I said some other stupid things too. Like I deserve someone who will truly love me....and blah blah blah.

 

Well, that was it. I never heard from him again. I tried contacting him and apologizing the next day, explaining my emotional stability from the funeral but no answer. I texted him, no answer, I wrote emails, no answer. The next day came and the same. After two day and not hearing from him, I became concerned like something happened. So I left him texts of worry. I even said "if you had a change of heart, I understand, but please just let me know you are okay" I even said if you don't want to talk to me, just text me and that you are okay and I'll get the message and move on, but nothing.

 

When I heard nothing, I became so worried. I live like 5 hours away so I can't just go over there. So I kept texting him the same message and nothing. I even sent him texts and emails saying if you dont want to talk to me or text me then delete me from your facebook. Still he didn not delete me. I became so worried.

 

So anyway, I went on his facebook and noticed that he had added new friends. There I got my answer. I knew he was okay. I was and am so hurt that I went ahead and deleted him off my facebook. Today will be 11 days since I we talked and I still have not heard anything.

 

As you can imagine, I am very heartbroken. I know it was a very short time but it was very intense to say the least. We moved way too fast which I see now as a mistake. We were telling each other how much we loved each other and he said he never met anyone like me and was so in love with me and called me his soulmate. He said he never thought about marriage but with me, he wanted it so bad. He said he would be by myside thru my father's cancer and my divorce and all that is going on. He loved my daughter as he saw her on the webcam. He talked about how he had no obligations keeping him in Sacramento so he would sell his house and move towards my area since I had a daughter. It just seemed so perfect.

 

I dont know what I am looking for her but I am just keeping the NC rule. I think I am taking this harder because I am 44 years old and have been married for 23 years and this new guy was my 2nd boyfriend ever after my ex husband and the 2nd person I gave myself too. Just makes it hard.

 

Thank you for reading.

 

Hugz

Kelli

[Lost Fish]

Hugz back Kelli <3

 

Ouch... I can imagine the pain you are enduring.

 

First, know that you did nothing wrong. If he truly cared he would have been MUCH more understanding of the emotional stress of your uncle's passing and the scary news about your dad. He would have let you get emotional and not made an issue of how you acted or what you said, but just stood strong and been something stable and strong as you endured the difficult emotional hardship of dealing with real life.

 

My guess is that the fairytale of what was developing was shattered for him when he realized that you are a REAL person with real issues - as are we all - such as relatives who get sick and even die. It was the harsh slap of reality that probably had him running to the hills.

 

So what can you do? Accept the hard lesson. You did move too fast, but don't let it shatter your hope of future love. Be grateful that his true colors came through now instead of later...

 

There is strength in these pages. LoveShack has helped me endure a rough breakup of a girl who'd been my friend for 2 years, then things warmed up... and then she went cold on me - lost to me back to her abusive ex. It's been rough, but I've maintained NC for the most part. Other than an occasional text or 2 - 3 sentence email...

 

It will get easier.

 

Be good to yourself and never lose faith in love.

 

My thoughts and prayers are with you as you endure your father's illness. My uncle just passed to bone cancer this past summer, but he fought it for a long time, over 2 years. Be strong for your daughter.

[Surfgal]

Thank you so much for the words of encouragement. I do know and accept my part in what had happened and have apologized to him for my temporary emotional instability.

 

I believe what you said that my issues may have been too much in such a sort time of our courtship. But I guess having everything move at a lightspeed just made me feel that much more comfortable and thought he would be there. But I believe as you say as the reality catches up and you see what you have to deal with it can become so overwhelming.

 

Many of my friends who I spoken with as welll as some of the post I have read suggested that a total silence of communication can be a good sign. Meaning that he just doesn't know what to say or do and rather keep quiet instead of texting or saying something so final. But as a real person, I try not to read into anything and just accept the moment for what it is.

 

I strongly believe when time settles, he will see where my heart was and know that he could have done things differently. Regardless, I have no hard feelings or any anger. I believe we all handle pressures differently and some may to disappear to find clarity.

 

As far as your relationship, I am so sorry that she wasn't able to see clearly in her life what is good or bad for her. I know oneday she have an awakening and realize that the love you have given her was uncondtional.

 

Thank you again for your thoughts. I am so sorry that my post was so long. Thank you for taking the time for reading it.

 

Hugz

Kelli

[Surfgal]

any more opinions? thx

[Exit]

I'm sure you are hurting but he honestly doesn't sound like a big loss. The way he ignored you reminds me of how my ex treated me. People like that are complete cowards. I was in the same sort of position, getting completely ignored, and I was basically BEGGING for just one response, telling me that she wanted to stop talking to me, and then I would move on. She refused to ever answer me. People like that are just ridiculous.

 

Moving too fast is rarely, if ever, a good thing. Maybe you unknowingly were putting a lot of pressure on him and forming such a quick bond because you were looking for some comfort outside of your divorce and everything else going on. It doesn't really seem like the ideal time in your life to be forming a new relationship.

 

Don't waste your time trying to contact him anymore. Focus your energy elsewhere and leave it up to him to realize his mistake.

[Eisenhower]

Surfgal, one thing I've learned through my own heartbreak is that in the beginning of a relationship, when everything is new and exciting, the other person is like an empty vessel - you pour your hopes and dreams of who they are into them. You got your heart broken while that vessel was still full of hopes and dreams. That's shattering. Most of us get it broken after reality has set in for a while and we see both the good and bad of our partner (and ourselves).

 

It doesn't make the pain any easier to handle when it's so soon, I know, but rest assured that any guy that would treat you so badly in the beginning wasn't what you thought he was, and one day (I hope soon) you'll realize you were in all likelihood lucky to get out so soon. The pain months or years down the road would only have been worse.

 

Keep your head up and hang in there, ok.

 

Eisenhower

[Surfgal]

Surfgal, one thing I've learned through my own heartbreak is that in the beginning of a relationship, when everything is new and exciting, the other person is like an empty vessel - you pour your hopes and dreams of who they are into them. You got your heart broken while that vessel was still full of hopes and dreams. That's shattering. Most of us get it broken after reality has set in for a while and we see both the good and bad of our partner (and ourselves).

 

It doesn't make the pain any easier to handle when it's so soon, I know, but rest assured that any guy that would treat you so badly in the beginning wasn't what you thought he was, and one day (I hope soon) you'll realize you were in all likelihood lucky to get out so soon. The pain months or years down the road would only have been worse.

 

Keep your head up and hang in there, ok.

 

Eisenhower

 

 

Thank you for the message Eisenhower. I have to agree with you. I am mature enough to grasp it and get it, but still when the heart plays in, there is no age......we all hurt the same.

 

I am very fortunate that I found out his true nature soon and not later. I am reading stories here about relationships and after many years together their SO's pull the silent treatment. How sad can that be. My heart feels for them.

 

The funny thing is I am not sad that he chose to leave the relationship but I am sad in how he did it. Very cowardly to say the least. But as I have become to learn, people handle pressures differently and maybe his way is to bail. I don't know and can only guess.

 

I feel I did all I can do. I wrote nice emails, texts and voicemails that were comforting. I always new never to beg but just words of encouragement. How ironic is that? I am the one hurting but I was reaching out for him.

 

Each day, I wouldnt say gets better but say easier. As you begin to realize and become the person you want to be. You learn, you discover, and you embrace yourself.

 

Thank you again for ur kind words

[I feel so sad]

Surfgirl, you are on the road to recovery there already.. you did what you thought was right to let him know you were there if he wanted to be a man and at least give you the courtesy of a phone call.

 

I think you may have had a lucky escape with this one, it seems to have gone very fast indeed and maybe that makes it harder than watching your other half slip away from you over years and not knowing how to stop it..

 

I have no doubt you will bounce back from this with the lesson firmly learned...

 

*hugs*

[Surfgal]

Surfgirl, you are on the road to recovery there already.. you did what you thought was right to let him know you were there if he wanted to be a man and at least give you the courtesy of a phone call.

 

I think you may have had a lucky escape with this one, it seems to have gone very fast indeed and maybe that makes it harder than watching your other half slip away from you over years and not knowing how to stop it..

 

I have no doubt you will bounce back from this with the lesson firmly learned...

 

*hugs*

 

Thank you for the words of encouragement. Yes I feel I am truly on that road. Although it's the road to positivity, it's a lonely road. But somehow you pick yourself up and you walk it.

 

I am beginning to feel I am one of the lucky ones to escape. Especially after reading many stories here. I hold no candle and just should count my lucky stars.

 

Now if I can only tell my heart that....hehe

 

I think were all fortunate to have each other to help one another. This is the way to recovery. Just having someone here you and listen to you.

 

Thank you gain

 

Hugz back at ya

[I feel so sad]

wanna trade places so please???. just ending day 1 NC after near 8 months of 'friendship' with ex of 3+ yrs.... not sure I can spell positi.. positive.. positivit... oh nothing is going right today.. grrrrrr :laugh:

[Surfgal]

wanna trade places so please???. just ending day 1 NC after near 8 months of 'friendship' with ex of 3+ yrs.... not sure I can spell positi.. positive.. positivit... oh nothing is going right today.. grrrrrr :laugh:

 

 

Aww...I hate those letters NC....lol Does it stand for No Contact? or Does it really stand for NO CONTROL? ...LOL

 

So I havent read your thread yet but why do you have to end 8 months of friendship with your ex. I can get the 3 plus year part...but if your friends, does that have to have it's demise too?

[I feel so sad]

ha ha.. NO control, I LOVE IT!!! thats exactly what it should stand for..

 

Oh, I ended the 3+ years cos of stoopid commitment issues in march this yr (I was 31 1/2 then!).. had no contact for a month, then we started chattin, then meeting up and being platonic friends, i started to incl her in my life again, family friends etc and got nothing like that back but was too blind to see at the time, knew I wanted her back, but was respecting her space, this carries on for 6-7 months, I'm getting mixed signals from her, feeling positive, til 2 weeks ago she got back from hols, had a gift for me & txt me first thing off the plane, i reckoned as did my friends she was ready to go again with me, but no.. I laid my cards on the table to her and over the course of a week, with txts, emails, etc, she eventually meets me again to say she cannot find enough 'being in love with me' in her to try again, she's been burned before, not least by me, we broke up 2 last year for similar issues, so there maybe something there.. and so i was heartbroken, never hurt so bad... i have spent all of this year building up to trying to get her back to no avail. then all last week, random msgs from her of 'i'm sorry, you've no idea how much' etc etc, so i decided y/day i need to no contact her, which makes her sad and she blames herself.. i would love love to get her back, obviosuly cos its still raw, but only as a g/f looking fwd to being a wife!!.. i not sure if i will though, there is something there on her side and maybe she needs to see i've returned to the guy she met (I turned into an a/hole for a while last year, out with friends constantly and not her).. but I just don't know.. tarot reader told me we'd reconcile by january, but I do not want to keep hoping for that long, friends is too painful at the mo as she is 'very very casually seeing someone' whatever that means!.. I dated 1 or 2 over the summer, but nothing memorable at all, in fact, hated it..

[Surfgal]

ha ha.. NO control, I LOVE IT!!! thats exactly what it should stand for..

 

Oh, I ended the 3+ years cos of stoopid commitment issues in march this yr (I was 31 1/2 then!).. had no contact for a month, then we started chattin, then meeting up and being platonic friends, i started to incl her in my life again, family friends etc and got nothing like that back but was too blind to see at the time, knew I wanted her back, but was respecting her space, this carries on for 6-7 months, I'm getting mixed signals from her, feeling positive, til 2 weeks ago she got back from hols, had a gift for me & txt me first thing off the plane, i reckoned as did my friends she was ready to go again with me, but no.. I laid my cards on the table to her and over the course of a week, with txts, emails, etc, she eventually meets me again to say she cannot find enough 'being in love with me' in her to try again, she's been burned before, not least by me, we broke up 2 last year for similar issues, so there maybe something there.. and so i was heartbroken, never hurt so bad... i have spent all of this year building up to trying to get her back to no avail. then all last week, random msgs from her of 'i'm sorry, you've no idea how much' etc etc, so i decided y/day i need to no contact her, which makes her sad and she blames herself.. i would love love to get her back, obviosuly cos its still raw, but only as a g/f looking fwd to being a wife!!.. i not sure if i will though, there is something there on her side and maybe she needs to see i've returned to the guy she met (I turned into an a/hole for a while last year, out with friends constantly and not her).. but I just don't know.. tarot reader told me we'd reconcile by january, but I do not want to keep hoping for that long, friends is too painful at the mo as she is 'very very casually seeing someone' whatever that means!.. I dated 1 or 2 over the summer, but nothing memorable at all, in fact, hated it..

 

 

Aww, I totally feel for you and thank you for giving me the brief synopsis. I think you should not completely blame yourself. I think no matter what the scenario is that both of you were involved.

 

But as you may have read my thread, I do have some experience in long term relationships....lol. I think it's natural to do what you have done considering your young. But now that you're older you can start to see where you want your life to play out. So therefore when you have your plan set in mind and your significant other still see's you in your old ways, it plays hard to the heart.

 

My mother always told me for a relationship to work, the man has to love you more than you love him. This is metaphorically speaking. Just that women are natually more emotional and love that exchange. So I suggest if you truly feel she is the one for you, you start working at it. You show by action, not by pleading, or having her believe you changed but by showing her. You do this by taking the time to honor yourself again. To find that self respect, to give back to you. When you find yourself completely in accord to your heart, then you will win her back. I guess this is another way or word for NC...and not the NO CONTROL ONE .

 

I only believe in NC for taking the time to heal your heart. Not by totally dissing someone and ignoring them if they are returning calls. To me that is simply games. I believe what you put out you get back. I believe that many ppl here mis-understand the NC word and ignore calls or texts when their SO's are reaching out or back. I think it becomes games then. Just my two cents.

 

Hang in there....work on you and the right person (hopefully her) will come back into your life. It's all about the timing.

[I feel so sad]

Aww, I totally feel for you and thank you for giving me the brief synopsis. I think you should not completely blame yourself. I think no matter what the scenario is that both of you were involved.

 

But as you may have read my thread, I do have some experience in long term relationships....lol. I think it's natural to do what you have done considering your young. But now that you're older you can start to see where you want your life to play out. So therefore when you have your plan set in mind and your significant other still see's you in your old ways, it plays hard to the heart.

 

My mother always told me for a relationship to work, the man has to love you more than you love him. This is metaphorically speaking. Just that women are natually more emotional and love that exchange. So I suggest if you truly feel she is the one for you, you start working at it. You show by action, not by pleading, or having her believe you changed but by showing her. You do this by taking the time to honor yourself again. To find that self respect, to give back to you. When you find yourself completely in accord to your heart, then you will win her back. I guess this is another way or word for NC...and not the NO CONTROL ONE .

 

I only believe in NC for taking the time to heal your heart. Not by totally dissing someone and ignoring them if they are returning calls. To me that is simply games. I believe what you put out you get back. I believe that many ppl here mis-understand the NC word and ignore calls or texts when their SO's are reaching out or back. I think it becomes games then. Just my two cents.

 

Hang in there....work on you and the right person (hopefully her) will come back into your life. It's all about the timing.

 

Thanks Surfgal for your post. I had a rough night last night awake for most of it thinking thinking thinking... and a worse morning today, its only day 2 of NC and it feels like month 2!!... I hope I can heal quickly and show her I am the man she fell in love with all those years ago.

 

As to your thoughts on NC, I completely agree, we are trying to heal ourselves and yet there is some militant opinions expressed that absolute NC is the way to go, what ever happened manners or politeness, my ex didn't fall in love me cos I played games with her and didn't return her calls/txts, I do not want to show her I have completely distanced myself, and yet I am not going to show I am a pushover and jump on her txt straight away.

 

When I told her sunday I was goin NC (which she said she has only herself to blame for) I made a point of saying that if she broke contact first then I would not be rude and ignore her. I am not going to let the woman I want to spend my life with slip away through arrogance... so, i may still be hurting if she txts/calls, but if she is doing so in order to look at trying to reconcile then I am pretty sure I will heal a little quicker as I can focus on why I think the relationship should work instead of feeling sorry for myself and I think THAT is the key to when your ex gets back in contact, that you can clear the grief and identify why it should work again, with your partner, and then reach for those goals..

 

I really appreciate your time Surfgal, this is a great forum I discovered and I am glad to have ye at this time...

[Turista]

Echoing what everyone else has said mostly, and a story from my last relationship disaster...

 

Last March, a doctor told my mom that my dad would be dead in a day or two. My entire family made emergency flight arrangements home. Initially, I didn't think I needed help from my "lovely" girlfriend amd told her I would fly home the next day. Amidst the chaos of all this, I realized all my dress clothing (for the potential funeral) was up in SF so I called her a couple hours later to ask if she could bring my dress clothing down to my place as I had an 8 AM flight to catch the next day. She replied that she had since made plans and she was now out exercising with her friends at the gym and couldn't just break those plans now that she was out for the night. I ended up driving the 75 miles to San Francisco and back to get that clothing, no thanks to her.

 

In constrast, a week or so earlier she had dropped everything she was doing to go visit her friend when his mom died. So I instantly knew where I was on her ladder of priorities. I get a cold ball of anger in my gut even thinking about this now.

 

Why such a long story? Because it's times like this where people show their true feelings towards you and their true colors. Be thankful this is as far as this went for you.

[Surfgal]

Thanks Surfgal for your post. I had a rough night last night awake for most of it thinking thinking thinking... and a worse morning today, its only day 2 of NC and it feels like month 2!!... I hope I can heal quickly and show her I am the man she fell in love with all those years ago.

 

As to your thoughts on NC, I completely agree, we are trying to heal ourselves and yet there is some militant opinions expressed that absolute NC is the way to go, what ever happened manners or politeness, my ex didn't fall in love me cos I played games with her and didn't return her calls/txts, I do not want to show her I have completely distanced myself, and yet I am not going to show I am a pushover and jump on her txt straight away.

 

When I told her sunday I was goin NC (which she said she has only herself to blame for) I made a point of saying that if she broke contact first then I would not be rude and ignore her. I am not going to let the woman I want to spend my life with slip away through arrogance... so, i may still be hurting if she txts/calls, but if she is doing so in order to look at trying to reconcile then I am pretty sure I will heal a little quicker as I can focus on why I think the relationship should work instead of feeling sorry for myself and I think THAT is the key to when your ex gets back in contact, that you can clear the grief and identify why it should work again, with your partner, and then reach for those goals..

 

I really appreciate your time Surfgal, this is a great forum I discovered and I am glad to have ye at this time...

 

I am so sorry you had a rough night and even a rougher morning. I know the feeling. Sometimes it's just too much to handle.

 

But you have to remember that this break is for you. This is the time for you to work on yourself and develop that beautiful soul within you. As much as I hurt, I love this time for myself because I can truly see the person I am and the capacity of love I carry. I can see my true nature flourish.

 

It is okay to feel sad. Allow yourself a certain amount of time each day to mourn and then put it aside and go back to you. You need this time to feel all that you feel. But when it begins to overtake the person you are, it's time to switch gears and put your your thought process somewhere else. Maybe even take a short walk, or come here and seek guidance. It's not good as I learned to let it keep festering within me. It does me no good and I end up feeling deeper and deeper.

 

I know how you feel believe me and I know you hurt. But each day will get lighter as you become to see your worth. Hang in there, we're all here for you.

 

Hugz

[Surfgal]

Echoing what everyone else has said mostly, and a story from my last relationship disaster...

 

Last March, a doctor told my mom that my dad would be dead in a day or two. My entire family made emergency flight arrangements home. Initially, I didn't think I needed help from my "lovely" girlfriend amd told her I would fly home the next day. Amidst the chaos of all this, I realized all my dress clothing (for the potential funeral) was up in SF so I called her a couple hours later to ask if she could bring my dress clothing down to my place as I had an 8 AM flight to catch the next day. She replied that she had since made plans and she was now out exercising with her friends at the gym and couldn't just break those plans now that she was out for the night. I ended up driving the 75 miles to San Francisco and back to get that clothing, no thanks to her.

 

In constrast, a week or so earlier she had dropped everything she was doing to go visit her friend when his mom died. So I instantly knew where I was on her ladder of priorities. I get a cold ball of anger in my gut even thinking about this now.

 

Why such a long story? Because it's times like this where people show their true feelings towards you and their true colors. Be thankful this is as far as this went for you.

 

Thank you Turista for sharing your story. I can imagine your pain when your so called gf pulls that kind of stuff. I mean where is the compassion in these people. I can never ever think of doing something like this even to my worst enemy if they reached out for me. I just don't have it in me.

 

Our stories are somewhat similar and you are right, it's at these very hard low times of our lives when we truly see the natures of the one's we love shine thru. As you said, I am beginning to feel I was blessed and saved. I mean to be with someone so cold and uncompassionate is really scary. I don't know if I am more angered at what he did or more angered at myself for meeting such a person. It is times like this that I go within myself and see why I had attracted such a person.

 

I am sorry you are still angered by what had happened. It;s very understandable. But she did you a favor and you were able to see truly a human nature....NOT GOOD....

 

I am really sorry for your dad and your family. I hope everything went smoothly to say the least there.

 

Thank you for sharing and hope you're doing well.

 

Hugz

[Turista]

Thank you Turista for sharing your story. I can imagine your pain when your so called gf pulls that kind of stuff. I mean where is the compassion in these people. I can never ever think of doing something like this even to my worst enemy if they reached out for me. I just don't have it in me.

 

Our stories are somewhat similar and you are right, it's at these very hard low times of our lives when we truly see the natures of the one's we love shine thru. As you said, I am beginning to feel I was blessed and saved. I mean to be with someone so cold and uncompassionate is really scary. I don't know if I am more angered at what he did or more angered at myself for meeting such a person. It is times like this that I go within myself and see why I had attracted such a person.

 

I am sorry you are still angered by what had happened. It;s very understandable. But she did you a favor and you were able to see truly a human nature....NOT GOOD....

 

I am really sorry for your dad and your family. I hope everything went smoothly to say the least there.

 

Thank you for sharing and hope you're doing well.

 

Hugz

 

Thanks, and I'm not only doing well, but I'm mostly over her and I've inadvertently ended up meeting someone really nice in the past week or so. And while it seems a little early to me, as the old saying goes: life is what happens when you're making other plans so I'm running with it. And memories like what I mentioned above are what really help to keep me moving forward...

 

Anyway, you're 44? Wow... You shouldn't have much difficulty meeting someone far better than that... LA is my old stomping ground and there are plenty of decent people outside the club scene there...

 

PS And similarly I beat myself up a bit for falling for a narcissist, but in the end, I was but a babe in the woods in that this was my 4th relationship pitted against a seasoned cougar cub with 50 or relationships under her belt. I didn't stand a chance - she was very good at what she does...

[Surfgal]

Thanks, and I'm not only doing well, but I'm mostly over her and I've inadvertently ended up meeting someone really nice in the past week or so. And while it seems a little early to me, as the old saying goes: life is what happens when you're making other plans so I'm running with it. And memories like what I mentioned above are what really help to keep me moving forward...

 

Anyway, you're 44? Wow... You shouldn't have much difficulty meeting someone far better than that... LA is my old stomping ground and there are plenty of decent people outside the club scene there...

 

PS And similarly I beat myself up a bit for falling for a narcissist, but in the end, I was but a babe in the woods in that this was my 4th relationship pitted against a seasoned cougar cub with 50 or relationships under her belt. I didn't stand a chance - she was very good at what she does...

 

 

Well, that is great....I am glad your doing well and almost over her. It's nice to meet new people and I hope that whatever happens to the new girl you met goes the way you want it too.

 

Yes, I am 44 yikes....

 

LA has plenty of peeps but just not into the superficialness of it. I am more down to earth, what you see is what you get kinda gal.

Edited October 20, 2009 by Surfgal
edit

[Turista]

Well, that is great....I am glad your doing well and almost over her. It's nice to meet new people and I hope that whatever happens to the new girl you met goes the way you want it too.

 

Yes, I am 44 yikes....

 

LA has plenty of peeps but just not into the superficialness of it. I am more down to earth, what you see is what you get kinda gal.

 

As a guy who lived there 7 years, and just my opinion, I don't think LA is so superficial once you scratch past its very shiny and superficial surface. It's kind of like the difference between above the line talent and below the line talent in the movie industry. All you ever see is the above the line people making noise and hogging attention, and you're wise to avoid that. But behind all that fluff lies a legion of smart, interesting, and creative below the line people who work behind the scenes to make it all happen. Meet some of those people and I suspect you'll do just fine...

 

Not to mention all the university, tech industry, defense industry, and general business people (all 10 million of 'em or so)...

 

PS I'm 44 too. I used to live in the Burbank hills...

[Surfgal]

As a guy who lived there 7 years, and just my opinion, I don't think LA is so superficial once you scratch past its very shiny and superficial surface. It's kind of like the difference between above the line talent and below the line talent in the movie industry. All you ever see is the above the line people making noise and hogging attention, and you're wise to avoid that. But behind all that fluff lies a legion of smart, interesting, and creative below the line people who work behind the scenes to make it all happen. Meet some of those people and I suspect you'll do just fine...

 

Not to mention all the university, tech industry, defense industry, and general business people (all 10 million of 'em or so)...

 

PS I'm 44 too. I used to live in the Burbank hills...

 

 

I guess ur right. Funny been here all my life and havent met anyone that good but I am not a big club person to begin with. Therefore, went outside of LA to Sacramento...lol...guess not good there either.

 

Oh well, just not meant for me to be with anyone....hehe....

 

Burbank Hills is beautiful place.....and yay another 44 years old....hehe

[Surfgal]

How are you doing, "I feel so Sad, and Turista?"

Edited October 29, 2009 by Surfgal
spell

[lovethetruth]

That is a sad story, has a similar situation myself.

[Surfgal]

That is a sad story, has a similar situation myself.

 

I am sorry to hear this....What is ur story?

[Turista]

How are you doing, "I feel so Sad, and Turista?"

 

Funny you should ask, but I'm doing great! It looks like I've met someone, the same person I mentioned earlier, and last night I had a dream indicating I've mostly moved on inside wherein I had the chance to go back to her and turned it down despite her mostly attacking me (in the dream that is).

 

That and the ex both drunk-dialed and drunk-emailed me in the past week and that was a bit of an egoboo - I didn't answer the former call and I didn't reply to the blank email. That I got an egoboo probably means I'm still a bit hurt by it all, but I'm not a slave to her anymore.

 

How about you?

Edited October 30, 2009 by Turista