justforfun Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 It's probably been asked before. But I was reading the post on celibacy v the 90 day rule. But what about how soon should I be considering sex with a guy? I suppose I'm really interested in what the guys have to say. I'll be honest and say that I'm new to the dating game. To date the whole time I have been in the US I have been married or single. I'm just getting to play the American dating game and I don't know the rules. In England it's a lot more open and upfront. You can sleep with a guy on the first night and it has no bearing on whether a relationship develops from it. There is no judgment passed. From reading the posts here it seems like there are so many rules and conditions that I have no clue about. I want to be able to have sex without it being like a game of chess. Do I really have to capture the king to win? So what if I'm extremely physically attracted to guy and he is to me should I be making him wait it out? How much do guys judge you if you don't make them wait? Is it possible to have sex early on without the guy thinking badly of you. Damn I miss European freedoms.
Author justforfun Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 And I need some help pronto. I have a guy coming to my house on Friday night to watch a movie. We met for coffee before. So what do I do next?
TheLoneSock Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 (edited) Wait till the 4th date. A lot of guys go by the three date rule when they are dating around; as in, if she doesn't put out by the 3rd she isn't going to 'anytime soon', in which case they are gone- because they weren't serious to begin with, and there are other girls that will. If he's still around and treating you good by the 4th it's probably safe to give in to your desires. I used to be a bit of a player and that's how I acted. I didn't stick around for a 4th if we hadn't done the deed yet unless I was really into the girl. It's a good measuring rod. I realise I'm totally cock blocking this guy but who cares. Just being truthful. It's what's best for you as the girl. Edited October 16, 2009 by TheLoneSock
sumdude Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Forget rules, trust your instincts.... and I mean your gut instincts not the other ones. IF your head is telling you something just listen.
New Again Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 How about now and later....? But seriously, who cares, do what you want! Don't play games.
gopher Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Agreed, a coffee date isn't expected to lead to sex on the next date.
littlewhiterose Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Agreed, a coffee date isn't expected to lead to sex on the next date. Agreed. Don't feel obligated to do anything more, if you're not ready. Go with what's comfortable for you.
BookerT Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 It's probably been asked before. But I was reading the post on celibacy v the 90 day rule. But what about how soon should I be considering sex with a guy? I suppose I'm really interested in what the guys have to say. I'll be honest and say that I'm new to the dating game. To date the whole time I have been in the US I have been married or single. I'm just getting to play the American dating game and I don't know the rules. In England it's a lot more open and upfront. You can sleep with a guy on the first night and it has no bearing on whether a relationship develops from it. There is no judgment passed. From reading the posts here it seems like there are so many rules and conditions that I have no clue about. I want to be able to have sex without it being like a game of chess. Do I really have to capture the king to win? So what if I'm extremely physically attracted to guy and he is to me should I be making him wait it out? How much do guys judge you if you don't make them wait? Is it possible to have sex early on without the guy thinking badly of you. Damn I miss European freedoms. I don't think it's so much aboout judging as it is about making smart choices about sex. Having sex too early can potentially get someone emotionally attached with the wrong person for a relationship. Of course if the aim is for a fling then anything goes.
Scottdmw Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Forget about what the guy wants. Are you sure it's really a good idea to have sex without knowing the guy first? I'm sure you're a reasonably good judge of character, but it is not possible to know a person well until you've spent significant time with them. He could very easily be hiding a lot of bad things about himself after a couple of dates. If you have sex and get emotionally bonded to him quickly, then find out later that he has serious flaws, it will be a lot harder for you to leave. This is exactly why people end up in bad or even abusive relationships that they don't want to exit. Also, it sounds like you are reasonably experienced but have you ever read the statistics on contraception failure? The stuff is not really as good as you might wish. For me anyway it's way more risk than I want to take with someone I just met. Scott
Art_Critic Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Well.. you might want to wait till you log out of LS first.. Although there was one poster one time that posted while having sex.. Okay.. seriously... There is no right or wrong time frame.. you simply do what feels right and go with the flow..be it 4 months or 4 hours.. there are no rules, I know people that are still together years later after a ONS and I've known people who waited till after they were married and divorced after 3 months.. Good luck..
Johnny M Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 From my experience, Americans (and Canadians) are the most sexually frustrated people in the world. They drive themselves crazy with all these stupid rules....sometimes I wonder if the average North American even has sex.
Author justforfun Posted October 17, 2009 Author Posted October 17, 2009 Well.. you might want to wait till you log out of LS first.. Although there was one poster one time that posted while having sex.. I'm not always logged on silly I just leave the window open. Okay.. seriously... There is no right or wrong time frame.. you simply do what feels right and go with the flow..be it 4 months or 4 hours.. there are no rules, I know people that are still together years later after a ONS and I've known people who waited till after they were married and divorced after 3 months.. Good luck.. I decided to go with the moment. And we had sex. Their was no pressure from him and I didn't sense that he that expectation although he certainly had the desire. Actually we talked about my attitude to sex. He definitely liked the sound of that! And he's asked me to go for dinner and a movie next week. So that means he's interested in more than a piece of ass?
looking4 green grass Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 Hmmm....good question. The rules drive me crazy too. I am an American, but I've lived over seas for several years of my adult life, and I'm probably just as confused about the rules. It doesn't help that I come from the bible belt! Oh well, my new motto is go with the flow. I don't think it really matters though. I had a potential ONS turn into a two year relationship, and I've waited more than a year just to break up a few months down the road. At the maturity level I have now reached, my world won't end if I sleep with a guy and he doesn't call me back. I can think of significantly worse things that could be happening, like I could still be married to my exH. eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww. I've never had a guy be "into" me and then change his mind based on how fast or slow we had sex. He's either into me or not. End of story.
Devil Inside Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 I'm not always logged on silly I just leave the window open. I decided to go with the moment. And we had sex. Their was no pressure from him and I didn't sense that he that expectation although he certainly had the desire. Actually we talked about my attitude to sex. He definitely liked the sound of that! And he's asked me to go for dinner and a movie next week. So that means he's interested in more than a piece of ass? I was wondering what happened to you. So was this that guy that was going to come over and watch a movie? So he asked you out again. This does not necessarily mean that he is interested in more than a piece. It may mean...he knows you will give it up...so he may as well get more. If you really want to know if he wants more...then hold out...and see if he keeps asking you out. Question is...do you want more than a piece? Because if not...sounds like a good arrangement for the both of you. Man...I should have been born in Europe.
Author justforfun Posted October 18, 2009 Author Posted October 18, 2009 (edited) I was wondering what happened to you. So was this that guy that was going to come over and watch a movie? So he asked you out again. This does not necessarily mean that he is interested in more than a piece. It may mean...he knows you will give it up...so he may as well get more. If you really want to know if he wants more...then hold out...and see if he keeps asking you out. Question is...do you want more than a piece? Because if not...sounds like a good arrangement for the both of you. Man...I should have been born in Europe. Hey DI! Where have you been (all my life?) If you had been born in Europe I think we would have been a match. But I think we are anyway ;) I understand what you are saying but it makes no sense to me. 'Hold out'? It's not a weapon or a tool of manipulation to be used to get a guy to behave in a certain way. For me it's an enjoyable act that if two people want to engage in then why shouldn't they. We talked about this and he was amazed at how I felt. Not in a 'great I'm getting ass' way. I just honestly think he was so used to the 'withholding' mentality he hadn't considered that I could be a 'nice girl' who doesn't have hangups about sex and is honest and genuine about my desires. He seemed to understand that I wasn't operating under the mentality of I had 'given it up' but that I had done something that I honestly wanted to do without feeling like I had violated some unwritten rule. I believe I made him see that I have a completely different mindset. In which case I wasn't 'putting out' because I have no concept of that idea. He could easily have asked if he could come over again. I would have said yes because I enjoy his company, I enjoy the sex and I enjoy the view (did I mention he's cute, hot and fit and I could just look at him and enjoy the view ) I'm really not looking for anything with him. But as we talked before feelings can change. If our feelings change and match then fine. If not then that's life. Having slept with him first I don't think plays into it. When he asked me we had been talking about scary movies. He said we should go to one that is showing. Then he said there was a nearby restaurant he wanted to go to and we should go there too. Why go to all that trouble if he thought I was just putting out and he could get it without any of the trimmings? Just because you're a dirty bird DI not everyone is. :laugh: (Well except me:p) Edited October 18, 2009 by justforfun To flirt with DI
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