emptyme Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 I will try to make this as short as possible with giving you a feel for my situation. I have a 2 year old child with my ex boyfriend. We broke up about a year ago. we were together for many many years prior but always on and off and technically "off" when i got pregnant. it was a horrible break up. (if you read my other post from many months back you will understand). Its been about 5 months of NO drama. I have tried my everything to get back with this man but have been UNsuccessful and gave up a while back. Since, i have healed dramatically and we have been having a very good civil relationship, communicating well when it comes to our child...ok, so a few months ago, over the summer, we actually got together on two occasions with our daughter. MY idea! brought her out to the zoo and the other was the beach. It was strictly for HER and nothing was mentioned about us..He has had a girlfriend for the bast 6 or so months but recently found out they broke up from someone. We haven't gotten together with her in a while and he recently asked if i wanted to go see a show for children with the 3 of us...Keep in mind he has stated several times a while ago that he could never see us being together because he has such a wall build up against me..I do still love him although he has hurt me terribly and he probably knows it although i don't show that in ANY way!!! My question is this...why would he ask me to do this? is he really just keeping the best interest of our child in his head or is it more of a test to see how we act together? also, being i was so hurt and rejected by him, do i go? on one hand i wanna say "FK that - we aren't together and doing so is just fake. our child is being brought up just fine and doesn't need to be with both of us at the same time in order to satisfy our her well being". its not like we are friends at all. we ONLY talk when its about her...BUT on the other hand, I'm thinking that maybe this is his way of getting back in...I'm not sure what to do. PLEASE help!!!!
Author emptyme Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 13 views not one reply?? come on people...help me out
xpaperxcutx Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 I'm really glad to read that you and your ex are civil with each other and are willing to compromise for your child. That said, it's important for you to keep in mind that while your actions are in the best interest of your daughter, you mustn't forget about yourself in this matter. Your ex stated and has shown that he will never get back with you. Period. Take what he said not with a grain of salt but rather as something final. Keep in mind that even though you may still have feelings for him, he can't reciprocate. Therefore, instead of harboring feelings for someone who will never treat you well why not try to channel those feelings for someone else? Breakups are hard for everyone. Yet it's also important to remember that after a period of grief and healing, there are greener grasses on the other side. You said yourself you went through some dramatic healing and shouldn't that time of reflection have given you peace in knowing that you can move on from him? Be civil since you guys share custody(?), but don't overthink things. It's definitely in your best interest to understand that he's only in your life because of your daughter, otherwise any chance of a reconciliation should be strictly kept as a fleeting thought.
Author emptyme Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 thanks for the reply. as far as custody, he sees our child every other weekend and once during the week...I am out there and dating so its not like I'm not doing my own thing. Just haven't met that special person yet. But my question still wasn't really answered. Being civil is a must, Yes. BUT do I go and spend time with him like that? Its hard not to read into it because he has told me MANY times in the midst of fighting that he would never be with me in the past and we have wound up back together. Its just hard to fathom that all feeling he has for me is gone..I don't know if i should put myself in this situation with him scared that i may develop that spark again and go back into a depression. Its just hard to understand why he would do these things knowing that i wish we can be a family...Don't you think its all so fake?? Like we don't talk at all about anything BUT our child and now we're gonna start doing these "family oriented" outings and then what? go our separate ways..I mean, its just a little weird and feel like there MUST be something behind him willing to do that besides the excuse of it being healthy for our child...
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