Untouchable_Fire Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 I've read all the posts carefully and know I'm the one at fault here. That's why I've come to this forum. Mainly because I don't want to cheat. I've only ever had one partner (my husband) and we've gone through a lot in our marriage (not cheating related). We've got a history together and I wouldn't want him out of my life. I've lost a lot of weight and had health issues resolved so yes, I'm now feeling a totally new person. I've had post natal depression following the birth of the children plus physical issues too and recovered a few months back. I believe now that my issue is not about this co-worker but how I feel myself. I need to learn to handle the attention I'm getting from my colleagues and stop thinking that I'm invincible and that I can do anything I want because I'm now a new person. Believe me, the world is treating me differently, may be because I feel more confident as someone said earlier. You seem like a good person. Sometimes it's nice to get attention after you have lost weight like that. It reminds you how attractive you can be on the outside. I'm not sure about you, but I always focus on the people who love me on the inside. The ones that stick by you when your overweight and depressed. Those are the people who deserve your attention, and your energy when your feeling like a new person.
carhill Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 The ones that stick by you when your overweight and depressed. Those are the people who deserve your attention, and your energy when your feeling like a new person. Healthy attitude but seldom works that way IME. Those people suddenly become a couple of rungs down the ladder of social propriety. A whole new set of rungs on the ladder appear and the person is focused on what is above, not below. Ego takes over. It takes a lot of psychological grounding to ignore the pull of the ego when new attention is suddenly showered. What usually happens is the 'old' people are tossed aside and a new social circle forms. I hope the OP catches herself before that psychology becomes firmly entrenched. This flirtation was a great signpost. It's one I see clearly, having walked that path. Best wishes
Author marriedgirl Posted October 18, 2009 Author Posted October 18, 2009 Hi all, reading the latest posts made me feel a lot more positive about being here. I am a nice person and my husband loves me for who I am in the inside as he's stuck to me when I was feeling low, giving me support when I needed most. I have to say that he's also been showering me with compliments which is great too. He never said 'I prefer you now because you're slimmer'. What he says is that he is enjoying the fact I'm much happier in myself. The feeling is reciprocal. We've just come back from a meal together, got a babysitter to look after the kids and we had a wonderful time. After a few drinks I asked him if there are any women he connects with at work and whether he had ever imagined having anything with them. What he said to me was enlightening! He said that yes, there are a couple of women he finds attactive and easy to talk to and he's caught himself fantasising about them a few times too. It's the same friendly smile, being helpful but respectful thing. So, I'm not alone here. What he said was that if any of these women ever actually tried anything or said anything more obvious to him he'd run a mile... So, it's just a little bit of fantasy. I then told him about my flirty troubles with this particular guy and he's just reassured me that it's fairly normal, especially because I'm now getting attention from men (who don't know me in the inside). I think that's the case. I am feeling lonely, he's promised to rearrange things at work for us to spend at least a couple of nights together on our own every week. By the way, we decided not to tell each other who these people are, because he knows most of my workmates and I know most of his. We thought it would be for the better to keep it to ourselves because at the end of the day, it's just fantasy. During our meal, not even once tonight I thought about this other guy or even about this forum, which says something about what feelings of loneliness can do to you. Thanks again all for your opinions!
Jaspe_Loco Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 I'm glad that you had this talk with your husband. It seems that there is something between the two of you and that you've had good times to build upon. Again, I will advise you to be careful at work. It may seem like harmless flirting now, but it can be so easy to carried away, especially if you connect with this other guy. Kelly told me that she knew it was dangerous to be around me. She said that she never had any intentions other than a little friendly flirting. That was over three years ago. I wish you the best!
imagine Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 Thank you for the feedback Married Girl. Please continue to interact with your husband more frequently. It is the opinion of the MB councilor to have at least 15 hours of quality time per week. I think that both you and your husband will benefit from that. God Bless!
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