9Lives Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 Been there- done that- wasted a LOT of time. CaliGuy really sums it up nicely. I read his posts many times, realized intellectually that he was spot-on, and then proceeded to do the samething you've been doing. I wasted a LOT of time. My ego/false pride told me "I can fix this". I couldn't. My selfishness told me "You WANT this relationship so MAKE it happen. Again." I didn't. My ego told me "I'm different- rules don't apply to me." They do. ___________________ I was a slow study. This sick dance went on for a LONG time. I got there eventually but I made things a lot harder on myself than I needed to. Like anyone else, though, i had to figure it out for myself. It takes time to detach. It is hard to let go. Acceptance indeed will come if you work at it but it is tough and very painful to get there. As much as 100% NC is preached here, and it IS the best general advice, sometimes we need to go back, get another beating, and get there in a less-than-direct route. I would never advise that. I went 100% NC on my next breakup and it was THE BEST way to go for me. I guess I learned a few things from the breakup I was referring to at the beginning of this post. I knew, rather than hoped, that NC was indeed the answer. Maybe that is what made the difference. ____________ If you just can't go NC then by all means go back and do it the hard way. Get theemotional beating you need to knock some snse into you and make you a believer that it is OVER. Please, though, come back here when you're done abusing yourself and get some love and support. The amazing people of LoveShack will be here for you. Hang tough, be brave, and trust those who have been through this before- take the short route if possible- you deserve a break- give it to yourself. No one here has anything to gain by BSing you. Best wishes. gosh you are so right...so right. the emotional beating is serious enough to want to kill yourself some times. I just cant ever imagine that I would experience the pain of trying to be with someone who is not giving me what I wanted. It has been a hard almost 5 years of my life with the ups and downs. I hope I never in life suffer this kind of pain. It was horrible and I have to write notes to myself to keep my sanity and not start that wrong thinking I had. I was killing me and I am still struggling with it but at least I am starting to understand what this guy has been trying to tell me but I was too blind to see or really understand. I realize that I am the only one in the relationship circle, he has stepped out the circle. That was a realization I wasnt understanding. I though we both were still working on it in different ways. still believe it but maybe im still dislussional. sometimes loving someone is hard to let go of. it is very powerful
JaggedRoad Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 Been there- done that- wasted a LOT of time. CaliGuy really sums it up nicely. I read his posts many times, realized intellectually that he was spot-on, and then proceeded to do the samething you've been doing. I wasted a LOT of time. My ego/false pride told me "I can fix this". I couldn't. My selfishness told me "You WANT this relationship so MAKE it happen. Again." I didn't. My ego told me "I'm different- rules don't apply to me." They do. ___________________ This is what made my break-up so much worse than it originally was.
selena_cat Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 first off take the pussy off the pedestal. i think that is one of the hardest thing and why us guys get so clingy. take the sexual aspect away and what do you have? someone that treated like **** for the last month or 2 months and someone that does not want to be with you. so take a hint and go NC. it hurts, but what are your other options? no chick in the history of the world came back because the dude whined and screamed for her to come back. its your only shot if you want to look at it that way, and its not a bad way to start NC, to make it seem like your doing it so they come back. but at some point you have to realize that its not the reason to do it at all, and youll break it if you think deep forever (its to get her back). idk you just have to do it. and make up your mind your doing it. thats all. you'll get laid again. you will not die alone. ????!! this poster actually said pu$$y here! i'm shocked and appalled;) Dead,we can talk till we are blue in the face about NC,but it wont happened until you are ready but heres one thing,read Limbo21's new posts,i'll try to find the link for you here his ex is contacting him like crazy and he's ignoring her,and she keeps txting him,even used a fake username to get through to his blocked e-mail,how about that? its not easy for him or he wouldntve posted here/ i bet you if you stopped contact her she may wonder whats going on,thats reverse psychology,but dont bank on it,people dont like being ignored especially dumpers
Thebob Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 You can't do NC because you won't accept it's over. You're seeking answers to questions even she may not have an answer for. The reason NC is good is gives you time away from her so your healing can move forward. When you stay in contact all you are doing is.... 1. Keeping yourself on the hook longer than you should be. 2. Irritating her with a bunch of questions. 3. Digging yourself into a deeper hole that will eventually make her resent you. See, staying in contact doesn't increase your chances of getting back together. It simply gives you more opportunities to screw things up even worse. It delays your healing. You want answers? Make your own. You want closure? Make your own. The bottom line is you are not together and you are NOT healing. It is what it is. Accept it and leave her be. Focus on YOURSELF and not her. You are NOT going to convince her that she is wrong. Love is a feeling that can NOT be rationalized. Attraction is something that can't be rationalized. You are trying to get her to explain things that even she can't figure out herself. Do you see how silly this is? What a waste of time digging through the past when your future is waiting for you. Your future Ms Right, who can't find you when you are focused on the past Ms Wrongs. Cheers. Amen Thebob P.S Read that post like 20X over
Odyssey Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Let her go. We tend to be in despair when the person we love leaves us, but the truth is, it's not our loss, but theirs. Look man, she gave up on you! She didn't want to work things out. Why? the answer will come to you when you've finally moved on, by then, you won't even care. You're just prolonging the pain by holding on to her. Stop pining after her. It's over. If you cut out all the "i miss you..i love you..i still care" etc. bs...it comes down to one thing - She doesn't f**king want you! so once again...let her go. It's the only way out.
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