longdistance1 Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 I need some advice. I've been dating a girl now for 8 years. The last 3 years have been long distance. I'm in California, she's in Massachusetts. I love her but I don't think we want the same things. She wants to get married and have kids sometime in the near future. Maybe someday I'll want those things but maybe I wont. Basically I don't know, but right now I need to be in a situation where it's not a MUST. I don't think I'll ever get married unless I believe I've secured a creatively satisfying career in music. Also, I think I need some time without a girlfriend to focus on music. I just never want to have to settle career wise, that's priority one for me. Basically, I realize now that I must end the relationship because continuing it is not the right thing to do. I'm going to Massachusetts THIS Tuesday (October 20th, 2009). We have been talking about me moving in with her and getting a job in Boston which I was open to, but now realize I was just stalling, hoping I would find a way to fix this problem. During this time she expects to "figure things out" and she thinks I am going to tell her that I AM moving in with her. How do I break up with her with the least amount of shock and pain. The big thing I'm worried about is the first night I come home on Tuesday. She's going to pick me up at the airport and we usually hug a kiss for a while in the airport and are really happy and tell each other how much we love one another. Then we usually go back to her place and have sex. My plan is to bring this up on the phone before I go home because I can't just get off the plane and see her smiling face and then immediately break up with her in the airport. And I definitely shouldn't have sex with her when I know I'm going to break up with her. What can I say to bring it up but not fully break up with her on the phone but at least let her know it's going downhill. Is this the right thing to do?
symbol Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 This happened to me 4 years ago. Only, I was in your soon-to-be ex-girlfriend's position. I visited my boyfriend in Boston (we had a long-distance relationship, I was in Midwest, for the last two years of a 7-year relationship). Things were not going well but I thought we were going to fix things by talking through them. Anyways, he was cold but he didn't have the guts to tell me he was leaving me. We met at the airport, hugged one another, went to his place, had sex, and I left a couple of days later. He broke up with me over the phone afterwards. Don't do that to your girlfriend. If you want to break up, say it to her face. Of course you will feel bad and guilty perhaps but show some courage! She will go through a really tough time and she will be courageous while healing herself. You should be courageous to say things to her face. It's the best you can do...
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