my story

[in-a-daze]

Hi, just joined and thought I'd share my story for the therapy of getting it out my head. Feel free to reflect, but as to an answer I don't know if there is one other than time as a healer. I've read other's posts and my time span probably sound pretty trivial compared to most, but it still has brought about strong feelings.

 

I met my girlfriend as housemates when I moved house around six months ago. We struck up an immediate bond on many levels, and became good friends over a couple of months. There was a mutual attraction, and we talked through the pressure of being under the same roof and that she was going to uni in Sept (200 miles away), but still decided to give it a go and were determined to make it as an LDR. It was very difficult when the time came to part, but we ensured we had a good contact level, and things seemed fine, although she's had an unbelievably manic start to her course I said I was prepared to wait as long as required before seeing her, let her be as settled as possible.

 

This time last week sadly I got a message saying that we needed to go back to being friends. She said that she loves me to pieces, but that it was unfair to keep us going as more than friends because she needs to put her energies into the studying and hasn't got any free time for her let alone anyone else. I didn't really know what to say. Obviously I wanted to fight for us, but couldn't see a way how. No-one can conjure time out of thin air. Part of me wanted to say can we not just cool it for two / three months, and see if things are any easier - but I got the impression she's got that much on and that many things are new that she's just taking a day at a time, and not thinking about anything that far ahead, about anything or anybody. Unable to think of a better answer, I just said it hurts a lot, but I understand, and I'm still there for her. I don't want to turn my back on her. She said again she loves me to pieces, and that she is there for me too, and would I still go and see her at some point.

 

Its been a week of feeling rubbish, of trying to be strong but having lapses and getting really upset. I feel like I can't talk to her about us (been the same since she's been gone really) as it would just be more pressure and more stress, she's needed me to more of friend that a lover any way for a time, and I was fine with that.

 

Part of me wants to hope that given time things will settle down and that if I remain good friends with her, we can rekindle what we had. I know thats a self destructive way to look at it, and should be thinking its over instead, its just hard when I'm still in love and I'm still told it the other way. I'm guessing as she couldn't guarantee how the free time issue will pan out, she wanted to back out instead of feeding me scraps once in a blue moon.

 

Very hard times, going to take a long time to heal