TaraMaiden Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 We are all suffering. This is why we're all here, and not floating on some hovering lotus, cross-legged, looking wryly wise with a knowing smile....! Suffering can be succinctly defined (very loosely) as wanting something nice, that we haven't got, and wishing that what we have got - that is not nice - would go away. It happens all the time. The trick it to learn this. To know this. To understand this. To accept this. And to 'Realise' this. Realisation, is basically the "ahaaah!" moment, when it all slots into place, and you walk the talk, and are one step ahead..... Then, find a lotus, and sit on it.
4givrnt4gtr Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 You know reading this thread made me think about why do i not want to let my hurt sadness and ultimately my ex, go. I have caught myself sometimes being happy, not really thinking about the relationship that ended and I somehow make myself think about it and get sad. I often wondered why and reading this thread it made sense.. I realize that for me in any case, letting go of the hurt would make me feel like i wasted 9 months of my life. Is not the hurt itself that I want, its more like I want to know that the relationship meant something, so it has to hurt right? Like, the hurt is validation of how much i loved my ex. If i dont hurt then i didnt love him and if i didnt love him then i wasted my time. Makes sense? Probably not cuz its not rational, but thats how it feels like. Thanks for helping me conceptualize that....i think it might help me move on a little faster!
TaraMaiden Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Everything that we do with Good Intention, is Valid. What others do with it, is their problem, but the fact that we meant well should be reward in itself. Rather than berate ourselves for apparent failure, we should congratulate ourselves that at least, WE, gave it our best.......
Author GrayClouds Posted October 19, 2009 Author Posted October 19, 2009 I realize that for me in any case, letting go of the hurt would make me feel like i wasted 9 months of my life. Is not the hurt itself that I want, its more like I want to know that the relationship meant something, so it has to hurt right? Like, the hurt is validation of how much i loved my ex. If i dont hurt then i didnt love him and if i didnt love him then i wasted my time. Makes sense? Probably not cuz its not rational, but thats how it feels like. Thanks for helping me conceptualize that....i think it might help me move on a little faster! 4give you may have said my point and did it better in 1237 words less then I did. Everything that we do with Good Intention, is Valid. What others do with it, is their problem, but the fact that we meant well should be reward in itself. Rather than berate ourselves for apparent failure, we should congratulate ourselves that at least, WE, gave it our best....... The difficulty is not to internalize it when the other debase the good intent. Seeing their action as a refection of your quality. Which leads to the endless examination of "why" in a attempt for validity. We find ourselves being too attached to the outcome, if I understand you TaraMaiden. Rather then committed to intent and seeing joy in that. Which leads to the question, "Was I really loving selflessly" or was loving to get the reward of doing so? Just as now I hold on to the pain as one last attempt to get the reward that the relationship didn't give me, which in essence is the desire for an external confirmation of "I am valued and my love is cherished" But other the Jesus, Buddha, Dollie Llama and a few other notables, getting to this level of selflessness even possible? And if having a good, healthy and rewarding relationship is dependent on it, in all honestly I am quite concerned I will never get there.
TaraMaiden Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 There is absolutely every reason on earth to KNOW that it is possible, because you have just named 3 human beings, all like ourselves. I don't know why people put them on pedestals and consider them to be somehow holier, more devout, more able and more deserving than anyone else.... But they all had to put hours of thought and consideration into their actions, and then follow suit. Whilst none of us here necessarily wish to follow in the footsteps of sacred, holy, celibate and devout monks, there is no reason whatsoever why we shouldn't at least try to put some of their more admirable qualities into practice for ourselves. And yes, as you say, the attachment to the outcome, is part of the problem.....
Author GrayClouds Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 Whilst none of us here necessarily wish to follow in the footsteps of sacred, holy, celibate and devout monks, there is no reason whatsoever why we shouldn't at least try to put some of their more admirable qualities into practice for ourselves. That word celibate stand out for some reason...
TaraMaiden Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Celibacy in Buddhism [The Dalai Lama] (and for that matter Hinduism [Gandhi]) is not considered a favourable option because sex is thought of in any way a bad, wrong or 'sinful' action. It is merely followed as a means of achieving detachment from all desires and cravings. It is an exercise in self-discipline and releasing the physical wants of the body, which is after all, impermanent. And many people go off sex at one point or another in their lives, for a variety of reasons...old age being one..... celibacy in a Christian persuasion, on the other hand, does have something to do with carnal sin, and as such is a ridiculous premise..... Not all Buddhist Monks are celibate. In some traditions, marriage is possible, and in some countries, men may ordain for a specific period of time as a devotional exercise, and then revert to the life of a layperson, and start a family, should they so wish. Tibetan and Theravadan Monks are celibate for life, for the reasons I gave above, but non-celibacy, for laypeople, is never frowned upon, nor condemned.... I add this as side information, because you mentioned it. I'm not trying to change the purpose of the thread. Sorry if it veered off-topic a bit, but I was merely addressing your point....
Author GrayClouds Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 When the student is ready the teacher will come.
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