the really nice guy Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 I don't know where to begin. This is the first site of its kind that I've signed up for, so I'm feeling a little uncomfortable with the thought of telling everyone about my problems. I've just turned 20, and I thought I knew everything. But I need help. I've always been told that I was that 1 in a life time. 1 in a million. The perfect guy. I've never cheated, I've never played or lied. I've never done anything like that. I'm quite old fashioned and insist on opening doors and what not. I'm really romantic. I treat every girl with upmost respect. I'm fit. I'm well educated. I never judge people. Theres just a billion things, and I hate bragging, I'm no better than anyone else on this planet. We are all special in someway. My problem is that every single girl I have ever met has pulled me in. They always tell me how I am a really really really nice, genuine, honest, beautiful, kind, smart, perfect, intelligent, gentle, caring, romantic (and the list goes on) guy, the best they have ever met. But in the end, all of that turns to nothing. This might seem kind of cheesy, but its the only way I can explain it. I'm like the moons reflection on a body of water. I'm always told how amazing, beautiful, and what not I am. I'm always told I'm perfect and how jealous people would be if I got with someone. Every single girl that I have ever met has used me as a shoulder to cry on. Someone to go to for help. Someone to tell secrets too. I have never abused their trust. I always try to help no matter what. But it seems in the end, the second a new day comes around its as if I was never there. They all pack up and leave. I am always the friend, the guy they turn to for help. I'm not a sleeze. I have never dated a girl for sex. Ive never done anything besides kiss a girl. I cannot understand what Im missing. I just want someone to talk to.I just long for a relationship because I haven't had a girlfriend in such a long time. As my friends say, I always make sure everyone around me is ok before I deal with my own problems. Everyone tells me im a great guy. I make friends very easily. I'm not boasting, I just don't know what to write. I'm really tall, and im always told im very attractive. I'm fit. I just dont know, everyone tells me im the perfect guy. But then why is it I can never find a girlfriend? What is it that I have to do? I dont want to change who I am for someone. And even then I dont know what I could change. What do I have to do to get a gilrs attention? I ask them out on dates, I do everything any normal person would, but in the end I always end up the friend. I hate it. I'm sick of feeling used. I just don't know what to write, or how to better explain my situation. I thank anyone who can help me, or give me some tips. Sorry if i've posted this in the wrong place or if im rambling on.
Odyssey Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 (edited) This is a brilliant thread back in July, it might help explain why... scroll down to a guy called EddieN... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2293269#post2293269 Whether it dating, relationships... in fact... it applies to a lot of other things in life also - it's about balance. Once you read the thread, you'll understand. Edited October 15, 2009 by Odyssey
Ronni_W Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 I do everything any normal person would, but Are you saying that you are somehow NOT a "normal person" (however you define that)? I hear you say that everybody else tells you that you're amazing-perfect...but do YOU think-feel-believe that you are? I read that you're claiming "tall" and "fit" as your positives, but what other positives do you SEE in yourself? (Instead of just hear about, from others?) What characteristics and innate talents/gifts do YOU value? (Outside of physical appearances and material objects/wealth, I mean.) Are you being who you want to be? What 'inner qualities' do you admire in yourself? Which of your personal accomplishments are you proud? It just doesn't sound as if you know yourself very well so you are...well, that would leave you dependent on all your externals for all your "validation" and to build your self-image. Well actually...it's not even a SELF-image. It's just others' image of your Self. Like you don't exist unless there is someone or something on the outside of 'you' to tell you that you do. I dunno. That's kind of the impression I'm left with. But yeah...it would be difficult for girls to try to get "up close and personal" with someone who, er, doesn't exist for himself. Does that make any sense? (I think I've gone and confused my Self.)
Odyssey Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 It just doesn't sound as if you know yourself very well so you are...well, that would leave you dependent on all your externals for all your "validation" and to build your self-image. Well actually...it's not even a SELF-image. It's just others' image of your Self. Like you don't exist unless there is someone or something on the outside of 'you' to tell you that you do ...Does that make any sense? (I think I've gone and confused my Self.) Damn. You got me confused too. Are you trying to say... People think you are, who everyone says you are. However, you are still you, and the less you care about what others think, the better off you will be.
Ronni_W Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 Are you trying to say... People think you are, who everyone says you are. However, you are still you, and the less you care about what others think, the better off you will be. Do you mean that thing about, "I am not who I think I am; I am not who you think I am; I am who I think you think I am"??? But...no. Mine, confusing as it is, is specific to the original post. Perhaps I can (try to) clarify. TheReallyNiceGuy, I have no idea if you do or do not care what others think of you. What I was trying to get at is: Would YOU know who/how/what you are without all those other people giving you that information about yourself? If the answer to that is 'no' or 'not really', then that is part of the reason why women are having a difficult time envisioning themselves, or actually being, in a close/romantic relationship with you. I think...if nothing makes sense, best forget I was ever here. And if you do have any questions, I'll do my best
Odyssey Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Now i understand It's a interesting point and re-reading the OP's post again, it's a good question to ask.
Author the really nice guy Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 Are you saying that you are somehow NOT a "normal person" (however you define that)? I hear you say that everybody else tells you that you're amazing-perfect...but do YOU think-feel-believe that you are? I read that you're claiming "tall" and "fit" as your positives, but what other positives do you SEE in yourself? (Instead of just hear about, from others?) What characteristics and innate talents/gifts do YOU value? (Outside of physical appearances and material objects/wealth, I mean.) Are you being who you want to be? What 'inner qualities' do you admire in yourself? Which of your personal accomplishments are you proud? It just doesn't sound as if you know yourself very well so you are...well, that would leave you dependent on all your externals for all your "validation" and to build your self-image. Well actually...it's not even a SELF-image. It's just others' image of your Self. Like you don't exist unless there is someone or something on the outside of 'you' to tell you that you do. I dunno. That's kind of the impression I'm left with. But yeah...it would be difficult for girls to try to get "up close and personal" with someone who, er, doesn't exist for himself. Does that make any sense? (I think I've gone and confused my Self.) I know who I am, and I know the kind of person I am. I have so much morality and it doesnt seem to get me anywhere. I'm a good person. I'm always told that I am attractive, but I don't really see it. I'm not perfect, far from it...but Im not a sleeze. I'm looking for a relationship, not a one night stand. I know how to treat people right. I know how to treat girls correctly, which is apparently rare these days. I'm always recieving compliments from girls, always flattering things, but why do they all bother saying that when in the end they treat me only as a friend? Yes im genuine and honest. No I don't lie. I don't use people. I don't abuse someones trust. I try to help....but that does not make me perfect. and if these girls think I'm so perfect why is it they are always just friends? When they need support I'm always there, and not out of personal gain. I'm there to help them because its the right thing to do. If someone needs help and I know how to, then I will. Your response has really confused me. I don't think I have any issues with who I am, the person I am. My internals are far greater than my externals in my opinion. I do not rely on peoples thoughts to validate my existence. How can you possibly do that? Everything that I have typed up is what girls describe me as. They tell me I'm all of those things. Heres the most simple way to put it, every girl that I have met so far does not want to be with me but does not want me to be with someone else (I am not exaggerating). If I am so 'perfect' as they describe me, and I myself know that I'm a decent looking guy, and a nice guy, then why is it that they only want to be friends? I'm not a materialistic person. I look for the small things. I value honesty, intelligence, personality, a girl who is down to earth. I cannot stand girls who make out that they are the most important people in the room. I do not care about a girl's physical traits as much as I do her personality. What good is it having some bleach blonde hanging off my shoulder when she has the personality of a door knob? What am I doing wrong that I always end up being a friend? I swear on the life of me, girls always go for the guys who lie and cheat and abuse them...and then they turn to me for help. I have good looks, I'm tall, I'm fit, and I'm 10X better on the inside than I am on the out. And why do those girls end up telling me I'm so perfect and what not, all the time, and in the end only want to be friends? Its hard for me to sit here and try to explain who I am. In the end im the 'really nice guy', I always end up a friend.
Author the really nice guy Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 Do you mean that thing about, "I am not who I think I am; I am not who you think I am; I am who I think you think I am"??? But...no. Mine, confusing as it is, is specific to the original post. Perhaps I can (try to) clarify. TheReallyNiceGuy, I have no idea if you do or do not care what others think of you. What I was trying to get at is: Would YOU know who/how/what you are without all those other people giving you that information about yourself? If the answer to that is 'no' or 'not really', then that is part of the reason why women are having a difficult time envisioning themselves, or actually being, in a close/romantic relationship with you. I think...if nothing makes sense, best forget I was ever here. And if you do have any questions, I'll do my best Firstly thank you, I really appreciate your response, and yes I know who I am without people telling me. But thats my problem, I just dont understand how girls can see the person I am, and really like it, but never want to go out with me.
Author the really nice guy Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 This is a brilliant thread back in July, it might help explain why... scroll down to a guy called EddieN... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2293269#post2293269 Whether it dating, relationships... in fact... it applies to a lot of other things in life also - it's about balance. Once you read the thread, you'll understand. thanks heaps. Now I understand. I think i fall into the really nice guys category. I've been told im a gentleman... a lot...but I think im in the really nice guys. thank you. I think it all has to do with confidence
Yamaha Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 then why is it that they only want to be friends? Because ur not making them feel chemistry, only friendly feelings. Women like male friends and they probably value ur friendship but you need to show them that manly side of you that makes them desire you. Treat them like a sexy women and let them know you see them that way and they will start to see you as a man and not as a friend ( even if they reject you they will have seen you as a love interest and not just a buddy ).
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