Cannot get this girl out of my mind. I'll tell you why. What's the next step?

[Zaraki]

I met an awesome girl in a college class like 5-6 weeks ago and the week when I was going to ask her out, she did not show up.

 

We talked for a total of 6 hours, which is 2 class sessions, 3 hours each.

 

Since then she has not shown up to class, so I guess she dropped the class. She did tell me that she was forcefully taking the class, so I guess she did not like the class. The class was a communication class that required you to go up in front of class to recite poems and prose's.

 

Anyways... after not seeing her for 2 weeks in-class, I figured I would drop by where she works in order to ask her out to ice skating for a first date. Unfortunately, I was not able to find her at her work place.

 

Since then I have stopped trying to get into contact with her. However, I could not get her out of my head because I want to know if she would have said yes or no when I was going to ask her. The reason for this is because, when I was talking to her she seemed so awesome and there were lots of genuine(gleaming) eye contact and I believe there was a good enough of a click for a date.

 

Some information about her: We are the same age (20 years old).

Said she does not like to dance (which I found interesting because she is in great shape and if she does not like dancing then it most likely also mean that she is not a party girl, right?).

 

On to the question: Taking all of this into account, should I visit her workplace again and try to get into contact with her to ask for a date?

 

Do you ladies/guys think that this will make it weird, like I am a stalker or something? I see it as perfectly normal because I really like the girl. However, I do not know if she would think it would be weird or not. I do not want to freak her out. I already tried to find her once and was not able too. Although, if she liked me also, then it would not be weird. That is the problem. I am not worried about asking her out, because I want to know her answer. I am more worried about wasting time and effort for nothing.

 

Having discovered her facebook, I am now able to contact her through it.

I could contact her through face book, but I think asking her in person is better. However, the only place I know where to meet her in person, is her work place.

 

What do you people think?

 

Thank You.

Edited October 15, 2009 by Zaraki

[Hannah86]

As a recent college graduate, I will say that if I felt a connection to a boy in a class, facebook would be a nice way for him to get in touch with me. It is acceptable to do that sort of thing in college.

 

Now, she will be one of two types of people: a girl that checks her facebook hourly, or never at all. If you ask her out, be prepared to potentially wait a long time for a response. Perhaps a good first message is, "hey, haven't seen you in ____ class, did you drop it?"

 

then let her answer

 

then ask her out, something cute like "I'd love to go out and grab a coffee with you" or something like that.

[limitless]

You need to play it cool. Contact her on facebook ONCE and wait for a response. If she doesn't respond, forget it because you would look too desperate to try to contact her again.

 

Going into her workplace just to run into her is too much. Because again you would look too desperate. If her workplace is really convenient for you to stop by then it's not too weird. If her workplace is miles and miles out of the way and you need to really take time to go there, then yes it is very weird.

 

If you never see her again, there are other girls out there.

[tigressA]

Yeah, I agree--go the Facebook route and wait for her to respond. If she doesn't, then just move on. Hannah86's suggestion for an initial message is really good.

[BCCA]

Going by her work to ask her out is borderline creepy. Dont ever do that, period. You want girls to be in a comfortable place where they feel ok with being open when you ask them out, not working and cornered.

 

Hannah's idea was perfect, ask her why she hasnt been to class, etc, make some sort of small talk so you know shes at least being responsive, then ask her.

 

Do you ladies/guys think that this will make it weird, like I am a stalker or something? I see it as perfectly normal because I really like the girl.

 

The fact that you like her doesnt make it any less creepy. If a girl had a crush on you, and you didnt feel the same way, how would you feel if she started showing up to your work?

[Zaraki]

Thanks for the help everyone.

 

I guess contacting her on facebook won't be as weird since it's so main stream now(something that I never got into). The thing is I know she just made her facebook beacuse I was not able to find it when I first met her. Plus, she's got only 17 friends on it, which means it is most likely, fairly new.

 

As a recent college graduate, I will say that if I felt a connection to a boy in a class, facebook would be a nice way for him to get in touch with me. It is acceptable to do that sort of thing in college.

 

Now, she will be one of two types of people: a girl that checks her facebook hourly, or never at all. If you ask her out, be prepared to potentially wait a long time for a response. Perhaps a good first message is, "hey, haven't seen you in ____ class, did you drop it?"

 

then let her answer

 

then ask her out, something cute like "I'd love to go out and grab a coffee with you" or something like that.

Thank you Hannah86.

However, I see one problem with this, for me: I do not drink coffee.

 

Just kidding, I know you were giving it as an example.

 

Though, I really do not drink coffee and I was thinking of doing something that involves an activity, like ice skating. I think ice skating would be fun and breaks the ice more easy, instead of sitting down and just drinking coffee, trying to think of something to talk about. Not only that, ice skating gives an excuse for holding hands.

[BCCA]

Not everyone knows how to ice skate (I dont lol) so that might be an 'iffy' call. How about lunch, or out to bowl or something? Something easy that everyone can do

[Zaraki]

Not everyone knows how to ice skate (I dont lol) so that might be an 'iffy' call. How about lunch, or out to bowl or something? Something easy that everyone can do

 

See that's the idea! I am thinking that if she does not know how to skate, it serves as a good excuse for holding hands and getting physical that way I can help her out, you know? I've only ice skated once, but because I am athletic(also use to roller blade), I can do it without much trouble.

 

Of course, I will probably fall here and there, but I think it would be good for laughs and such. I was also thinking about bowling as a choice too, but I do not want to make it a competition against me and her. Rather, ice skating would be together and there will be music and lights.

 

Now, if she does know how to skate then it will be more difficult. I think I can make the ice skating fun by trying to do tricks and stuff you know? Just to act like a total care-free, fun goof ball. I just think that ice skating has more options and variety than going to bowling and definitely more than lunch. Whatever I can do at lunch, I can do while ice skating(talking) + more.

 

Those are my thoughts, what do you guys think?

[Zaraki]

BUMP

 

I need some more opinions

[BG1985]

DO NOT visit her at work. That's very creepy. She will probably find it weird that you're making such an effort to get in touch with her. I imagine most girls would feel weird being contacted on facebook by someone they barely know. Don't spend too much time fooling with this girl. If she was that interested in you, she would have made herself more available to you.

[Zaraki]

DO NOT visit her at work. That's very creepy. She will probably find it weird that you're making such an effort to get in touch with her. I imagine most girls would feel weird being contacted on facebook by someone they barely know. Don't spend too much time fooling with this girl. If she was that interested in you, she would have made herself more available to you.

 

Geez, what happen to the pursuit and persistence? Are you saying that if no girl opens up to a guy then she is not interested in you? What if she was shy too and unsure also? Hmm....

[littlewhiterose]

I think a lunch or coffee date would be better than ice skating. Getting physical with someone you barely know is unlikely. At least for girls (at least for me). I'd think the first meetup should be about getting to know one another a bit better in order to find out what you have in common. Maybe then in the getting to know you convo, you can ask if she likes ice skating. If she says "no, I don't know how", then that'd open up the opportunity to setup the next date and offer to help her out on the ice. By then she'd have known you a tad bit better and you won't be so much strangers as friends who once had a class together that are now hanging out.

[BG1985]

Just realize that there are other fish in the sea. I'm not saying you and this girl have no chance, but I think it's unlikely. Let this be a lesson for the future. If you're interested in a particular girl, you have to attack it from the beginning. If you liked her the moment you met her, you should have gotten her phone number during that first class. The fact you didn't make a move after six hours of conversation probably has her thinking that you have no interest, so she just moved on with her life.

 

And let me add on that if you show up at her place of work after two or so weeks of having not seen her, she will probably think you are desperate and have no other options. Women are fickle this way. You have to strike while the iron is hot.

Edited October 16, 2009 by BG1985

[Zaraki]

I think a lunch or coffee date would be better than ice skating. Getting physical with someone you barely know is unlikely. At least for girls (at least for me). I'd think the first meetup should be about getting to know one another a bit better in order to find out what you have in common. Maybe then in the getting to know you convo, you can ask if she likes ice skating. If she says "no, I don't know how", then that'd open up the opportunity to setup the next date and offer to help her out on the ice. By then she'd have known you a tad bit better and you won't be so much strangers as friends who once had a class together that are now hanging out.

 

I have already gotten to know her with a total of 6 hours of conversation and with ice skating, we can still get to know each other and have fun at the same time. Don't you agree? I just find that lunch or coffee is so standard and boring, compared to an activity that two people can do together.

 

Thanks.

 

Just realize that there are other fish in the sea. I'm not saying you and this girl have no chance, but I think it's unlikely. Let this be a lesson for the future. If you're interested in a particular girl, you have to attack it from the beginning. If you liked her the moment you met her, you should have gotten her phone number during that first class. The fact you didn't make a move after six hours of conversation probably has her thinking that you have no interest, so she just moved on with her life.

 

And let me add on that if you show up at her place of work after two or so weeks of having not seen her, she will probably think you are desperate and have no other options. Women are fickle this way. You have to strike while the iron is hot.

 

There are other fish in the sea. However, those fish do not interest me the way this one did and that is why I seem so desperate. Actually, I would say that I am a bit desperate for THIS particular girl, so I guess so.

 

I think I do agree about the women are fickle statement. The conversations were not 6 straight hours, rather a 3 hour session and then a 1 week break then another 3 hour session and then she dropped the class.

[EcstasyX6]

Hi Z,

O.K. So it sounds like you like an active date as opposed to sitting around. I can appreciate that, but as someone mentioned, ice skating is a bit much. I don't ice skate either, and women don't like feeling goofy or awkward in front of a guy she doesn't know well. How about going to the zoo then, or visit some type of museum? If there's a waterfront near you, walking and talking there could be nice. Adult game places are fun. There's one near me, but I can't think of the name right now: It has video arcade games, racing games, fuze ball, etc., and you can grab a bite to eat.

[Zaraki]

I was thinking about the option of asking her at her work place and asking her through facebook and here is what I came up with:

 

I feel that asking the girl on a date at work is more toward the creepy side of things also. Especially if I have not seen her for 4-6 weeks. However, I think contacting through facebook is cowardly and it shows low confidence in a way. I am not too sure that is why I posted this. I have no problem going to her work and asking her, but I did not find her when I tried the first time.

 

Hi Z,

O.K. So it sounds like you like an active date as opposed to sitting around. I can appreciate that, but as someone mentioned, ice skating is a bit much. I don't ice skate either, and women don't like feeling goofy or awkward in front of a guy she doesn't know well. How about going to the zoo then, or visit some type of museum? If there's a waterfront near you, walking and talking there could be nice. Adult game places are fun. There's one near me, but I can't think of the name right now: It has video arcade games, racing games, fuze ball, etc., and you can grab a bite to eat.

 

I believe that active dates are more enjoying and less awkward, that's why. I am not worried about awkwardness on my side, but rather, her side. Active dates gives stuff to talk about and focus on, instead of a dinner date where one would probably talk about the food and each other. I do not really like small talk and that's why I try to avoid those TYPICAL dates. Plus, these typical dates like dinner, lunch, movies are unoriginal and not creative.

 

Zoo, museums, aquariums and a walk in a nice park sounds like good dates.

[Zaraki]

I've posted my dilemma in another dating forum and the people there say the opposite of what people say here:

I dunno, I think you're overthinking it. Honestly, I'd be flattered if you came to my workplace (if I worked in a store or something) and asked me out.

You could ask her coworkers the next time she'll be in, if she's not there the next time you drop by. I've worked in retail and people have always asked that question about people I've worked with.

In fact, this would be the perfect reason to contact her on Facebook: you wondered what happened to her, why she suddenly dropped off the map from that poetry class. You might even be able to establish a new rapport with her on Facebook (if she accepts the friend request).

 

I don't think going to her workplace is completely creepy, because you had more of a relationship in class than you just staring at her longingly. However, it's more declarative of your intentions than Facebook -- you wouldn't physically track her down if you didn't want to see her again.

 

The people at the other forum seem to think that visiting at her work is not a problem and is not creepy at all. Of course these people and you people are not dating experts or something. However, you guys have opinions and opinions can help me decide for the best option.

 

There are good reasons for both sides. This is hard

[caramel c]

Since she suddenly stopped going to class, it is completely understandable for you to drop by her work and see how she is. I don't think that's creepy at all, unless you were to show up there everyday...The next time you go, if she isn't there, you could just leave a message for her with your phone number. I would be flattered!! Just do it.

[Zaraki]

OMG an Update!

 

I just got out of my other class and what a surprise.... I saw the girl that I am talking about leaving a class that is right next to my class.

 

However, when I saw her I just kept walking and froze up! I did not even go up to start a conversation. I think she did not see me! I froze up because I was not ready to see her at all. I could not comprehend it. I was so out of place at that moment. It was so damn ****ty. Now that I know she has a class next to mines, I will definitely say something on Wednesday.

 

What are some things I should say? I was planning to first say. Hey it's "Megan!"(not her real name) How have you been? Ohh good to hear. Hey whatever happened to you and the class? You all of a sudden dropped out. I know you said you were forcefully taking it and that the teacher was arrogant.... blah blah blah

 

After the quick hello's and how are you and updates, I am going to ask her for her number. I will say something along the lines of this: You seem like a cool friend. Let me have your number.

 

What do you guys think?

Edited October 20, 2009 by Zaraki

[Jerry18]

 

What do you people think?

 

Thank You.

 

Get a definitive answer as to whether she likes you or not ASAP. Historically, for me, there is no correlation between how long I liked the girl and how much the girl likes me.

 

Just do it. (ask her out)

 

You can't make someone who doesn't like you like you by talking to them.

 

You seem like a cool friend. Let me have your number.

 

Huh? You talked to her a few times at most and now you tell her that she's a "cool friend"? How can someone be a "cool friend" if you don't even know their number or have them on Facebook.

 

This is how I would ask her number: "Hey, I really like you. I think it would be cool if we can go out together this weekend. What's your number?"

 

Make your objective as clear as possible.

Edited October 20, 2009 by Jerry18

[Zaraki]

Get a definitive answer as to whether she likes you or not ASAP. Historically, for me, there is no correlation between how long I liked the girl and how much the girl likes me.

 

Just do it. (ask her out)

 

You can't make someone who doesn't like you like you by talking to them.

 

This is so untrue man. Attraction can be manipulated. That's what Pick Up Artist's do. People like other people because the way you talk to them, the way you interest them. I do not believe this.

 

Huh? You talked to her a few times at most and now you tell her that she's a "cool friend"? How can someone be a "cool friend" if you don't even know their number or have them on Facebook.

 

This is how I would ask her number: "Hey, I really like you. I think it would be cool if we can go out together this weekend. What's your number?"

 

Make your objective as clear as possible.

 

I would say she "seems like a cool friend". The keyword is "seems" because I do not fully know. And after saying seem , I would ask for her number.

 

I thought being indirect and kind of on the mysterious side is the way to go.

 

By saying friend I think it will show that I am not like the other guys who most likely do not want to be friends first and therefore gaining her interest because of what I will be saying differently. Because I am willing to bet I am not the only guy who have tried to gain her attention and I am not going to be doing the same stuff they will be doing, and that is being a pansy, saying that I like her when I barley even know her. Sure, I like her physical features and bits of the inside features that she showed to me, but it would be weird to say that I like her when I barley know her.

 

I need some more view points. Thanks.