kogasu Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 My ex and had broken up about 3 months ago. I tried to work it out so we could get back together and that didn't work so I left town for a couple weeks to clear my head. I gave him a letter before I left and when I did this he freaked out about me leaving and got very emotional. I told him we could talk when I got back and could use this time to figure out what we wanted. Then when I got back he told me the only reason he got so emotional was because when I left to him that meant that it was over and we were never going to get back together. So I left him alone after that and worked on myself. A little while later I mailed him a check because he had helped to pay the deposit on my apartment and I didn't want him to have any ties to my place, I needed it to be all my own. Now about a week and a half ago he started to call me and we've hung out a couple times. He tells me that he misses me and loves me and isn't afraid to love me anymore and that he never meant what he said and was only so mean because he wanted to be left alone and to have time to think; that I was smothering him during that time and not giving him a chance. He says he's changed. And this is what I wanted. I wanted to get back together, I wanted to work it out. But now that it's happening I just can't see what's really changed. How can he say he's not afraid to love me now, after we've broken up. I just feel like he had a whole year and a half to love me, why now? I just don't want to get hurt again because honestly I can't do this yo-yoing anymore. I want to believe what he says is true and that maybe it can be different. But at the same time I don't want to go through the nastiness anymore, but to find out if we'll work I have to take that big risk. I just don't know what to do.
TaraMaiden Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 Well, put it this way. If you get back together, it's not set in concrete or written in stone. Start dating and see how it goes. you have to build up your trust, you see. Love isn't packaged up and served on a plate. It doesn't just happen. It evolves, changes, flows and it takes effort and commitment. if you want to give it a go, remember it takes work from both sides. How much do you want this to work?
boldjack Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 Tara's right. Just because you are dating, doesn't mean that you are an exclusive couple. Have dinner, talk about it, set the groundrules for both of you , and go from there. Take it slow, and see if he's really ready to commit. If not, you have only wasted a couple of evenings, if he is ready, then proceed from there. Good Luck
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