SinglePeaInThePoD Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 I have been dating a pretty nice guy for the past three months or so. It is pretty clear that we like each other a lot and there is no confusion among us. However...I was over at his place today since we haven't seen each other in a while(he texted saying he missed me) I was taking random photos of myself with his phone bc he has been wanting one for his caller id. I went to press options, but accidentaly pressed the 'call' out button. It listed all of his recent ingoing and outgoing calls...the most recent from an hr before was listed as "4evermylove". I thought it was yours truly...but quickly remembered...I NEVER called him today....only text. Thus meaning....that was not MY contact name!! I don't know what to think right now except that he is seeing/talking to someone else?!! How would I even bring this up?? I don't want him to think I deliberately went through his phone. I feel like a loser now...if he has been just messing with my head this whole time:mad:
prettybaby Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 What exactly were the circumstances of you messing with his phone in the first place? I know you said you were taking pictures of yourself for his caller ID, but did he know right that moment that you were doing this? Or did you just randomly grab it while he wasn't looking? My boyfriend and I never take each other's phone or laptop, especially when the other is not looking. Those things are sacred. That being said, you've been dating for 3 months, but: - are you intimate yet (I'm assuming you are) - are you exclusive? - have you discussed each other's exes (4evermylove may be one of them, so you may want to learn a little more about his past) Depending on the exact circumstances of you taking his phone to take those pictures, you could ask him flat out (without sounding like a hostile accusation). Or you could grab his phone behind his back and find the phone number listed under that contact name, and then do some research online ... But then you'd really be invading his privacy, so be aware that what you do with that information may very well blow up in your face if you don't handle it with tact. It's something you may have to keep for yourself, and then just figure out a way to talk to him about it without making it known that you went through his phone behind his back. Those kind of things can totally ruin trust in a relationship. So it's really something to keep in mind. I do think that contact name is a huge red flag though.
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 - have you discussed each other's exes (4evermylove may be one of them, so you may want to learn a little more about his past) That's what I was thinking. If it is an ex...uhhhhh. Might be time for a name change. But really - if I genuinely "oopsed" onto something like that on my SO's phone, I'd just tell him. I'd explain what I did. Because any guy I'm involved with would trust me that I'm not a freaking snooper, he would know I was telling the truth. And if he can't handle you innocently asking, "Sweetie, I happened upon this entry and I'm just confused. Could you explain to me?" Then something is fishy. But honestly, I believe in transparency - I have nothing to hide from my SO and he should have nothing to hide from me. If he gets ticked that you found it, that would be a red flag to me. If it's innocent, there should be an innocent explanation.
EcstasyX6 Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Your actions were innocent, but I'm not sure I would play with my bf's phone without asking, still there shouldn't be a problem when you explain what you were doing. I'd bring it up for sure and see how he reacts.
Author SinglePeaInThePoD Posted October 19, 2009 Author Posted October 19, 2009 What exactly were the circumstances of you messing with his phone in the first place? I know you said you were taking pictures of yourself for his caller ID, but did he know right that moment that you were doing this? Or did you just randomly grab it while he wasn't looking? My boyfriend and I never take each other's phone or laptop, especially when the other is not looking. Those things are sacred. That being said, you've been dating for 3 months, but: - are you intimate yet (I'm assuming you are) - are you exclusive? - have you discussed each other's exes (4evermylove may be one of them, so you may want to learn a little more about his past) Depending on the exact circumstances of you taking his phone to take those pictures, you could ask him flat out (without sounding like a hostile accusation). Or you could grab his phone behind his back and find the phone number listed under that contact name, and then do some research online ... But then you'd really be invading his privacy, so be aware that what you do with that information may very well blow up in your face if you don't handle it with tact. It's something you may have to keep for yourself, and then just figure out a way to talk to him about it without making it known that you went through his phone behind his back. Those kind of things can totally ruin trust in a relationship. So it's really something to keep in mind. I do think that contact name is a huge red flag though. He knew I had his phone...he handed it to me, then went to the kitchen to get something to drink/eat. I should've just said something right then and there! We are not exclusive....Im not sure when that would be established? We have not slept with each other or done anything more than kissing. When I first met him as a classmate he talked of his ex...like around LAST October(he cheated on her) We also bumped into her at a party once in Aug...but that's about it. We never go to this topic bc I have never had a bf so the convo never comes up. But I guess since we are not exclusive that means you can date others?
New Again Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 But I guess since we are not exclusive that means you can date others? I think the red flag here is that he cheated on his last gf.... But to answer this question, if you're not exclusive, then you both are free to do whatever (or whomever) you please.
Author SinglePeaInThePoD Posted October 19, 2009 Author Posted October 19, 2009 That's what I was thinking. If it is an ex...uhhhhh. Might be time for a name change. But really - if I genuinely "oopsed" onto something like that on my SO's phone, I'd just tell him. I'd explain what I did. Because any guy I'm involved with would trust me that I'm not a freaking snooper, he would know I was telling the truth. And if he can't handle you innocently asking, "Sweetie, I happened upon this entry and I'm just confused. Could you explain to me?" Then something is fishy. But honestly, I believe in transparency - I have nothing to hide from my SO and he should have nothing to hide from me. If he gets ticked that you found it, that would be a red flag to me. If it's innocent, there should be an innocent explanation. I have been truthful with him up to this point...I really hope for the same from him. I will see him in person later this week...I will find a way to bring it up then.
singlegirl Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 I really feel for you single pea....How does a woman ask questions about names on phones or about exclusivity without sounding needy? Not easy.....I think the trick is in the way you ask the question....I try to ask questions in a way that it appears to make no difference what the answer is....eg I asked my new guy recently Are you on any dating sites currently, it's up to you but I just like to know how the land lies....I didn't say its ok lol, It's up to you has served me well I would actually call and say to him, I should have brought this up at the time but I accidently caught a glimpse of this name on your phone when I was taking photos with it.....Then say absolutely nothing , let there be silence that he has to fill......He has to say something, good luck with it
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