loquaciousl Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 I posted a few days ago about this guy whom I have seen a few times...but here's the confusing part for me: We have gone out twice. In between times he has had something come up when it was time to see me, all seemed like legitimate issues although they make me raise my eyebrows: 1)Grandma has a stroke, 2)He falls asleep in his car on his way to see me (I have proof of this), and 3)when he was on his way to see me he got into a car accident and was rear ended. Okay after this, I'm trying be understanding, mind you, I start having a complex a little bit but am trying to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. The thing that bugs me? He texts me every day. He always says "Good morning beautiful," and texts me throughout the day. He says things like he wants to see me again and thinks about me all of the time, etc. Yet he's called me twice in the 2 weeks since he's seen me and when he says he will call me he doesn't. I have told him it irritates me because I think people should do what they say they will. It doesn't seem like he's into me, so I have also said that I think he's too busy to date right now and why don't we just chill instead; more or less blowing him off as a potential person to date. I've also said this a few times too but he swears that he wants to go out with me, that he doesn't want to lose his chance with me. Yet he still doesn't call, ever, and has not instigated any plans. I finally told him if he figures out what to do he will do it, ie, ask me out, etc. I am irritated by the fact I have had to tell him this at all. So he swears that he likes me, tells me all of these confusing things, and I don't know what to believe. Please advise. I feel ridiculous posting this but I need someone else's opinion.
boogieboy Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 YOure giving him excuses because you dont want to start over with someone new, and youre already emotionally invested. We told you already, his words mean nothing, he's keeping you on the backburner while he works on someone else. You can keep after him, but youre in for a long lonely road. Its way too common around here, your situation isnt unique. Pull yourself away let him prove that he has actions to back up the words. or you can continue to let yourself get played.
carhill Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 You've only known him a short time and he's an hour away. From your descriptions in your other thread, I'd be entertaining the attentions of other local men while he gets his fenders unbent and his cell phone more consistently aligned with his words. My stbx and I started as 'an hour away' and neither of us had any trouble with that distance or fender benders and that was before cell phones (for me anyway). We were both on the same page regarding consistency and actions matching words. I'm not hearing that from you about this man. Silence sandwich would be my prescription
lora22 Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 Texting takes zero effort. It's the bare minimum he thinks he can get away with to string you along in case he's lonely one night and wants a date or a lay. He probably also likes the validation of having someone so hung up on him. Your title says it all, really.
Author loquaciousl Posted October 15, 2009 Author Posted October 15, 2009 You know, you're absolutely right. I guess I got swept away in the words although I have been talking about the actions. So if he texts me, do I just ignore him?
carhill Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 So if he texts me, do I just ignore him? What? Yes, that is the essence, the meat if you will, of the silence sandwich
Author loquaciousl Posted October 15, 2009 Author Posted October 15, 2009 Duh. I'm tired. No kidding. Thanks.
2sunny Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 ignorw him... if and when he decides that he wants to take action - you can consider something down the line... but only if he seems firm on making more effort than just empty words. don't acknowledge his texts...
Author loquaciousl Posted October 15, 2009 Author Posted October 15, 2009 Oh! Good. I like that suggestion.
carhill Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 Don't wait around for that day to come. If it does, it does.
BookerT Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 Texting takes zero effort. It's the bare minimum he thinks he can get away with to string you along in case he's lonely one night and wants a date or a lay. He probably also likes the validation of having someone so hung up on him. Your title says it all, really. I was about to say the same. It's easy to text, but very hard to drive to someone's place without getting rear ended! Nice original excuses. I think the next one should be, aliens abducted me!
Author loquaciousl Posted October 15, 2009 Author Posted October 15, 2009 I thought so too. It's hard to know what's truth and what's not. But the real point is, I feel like a sucker. I am better than this.
BookerT Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 I thought so too. It's hard to know what's truth and what's not. But the real point is, I feel like a sucker. I am better than this. It's ok, attraction clouds judgement, happens to us all.
Bullydog1982 Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 Loquaciousl, As stated before, actions speak louder than words. Carhill and Boogieboy are spot on. The man’s actions do not mirror his words and his actions are what you need to pay attention to. Don't wait around for him. If his words continue to be an issue for you, go NC. I also agree that distance is not an issue in this matter. The last woman I dated (and the current one I'm seeing) both live 45 - 50 min away. The distance did not stop us from seeing each other a few times a week either with me going to her or her coming to me. And this was all while balancing a full time work schedule (rotating shift work), school and outside pursuits as well. Go forward, be yourself, be happy being you and find someone that actually WANTS to spend time with you. Not somebody just willing to give you lip service. If this guy does want to spend time with you, his actions will dictate otherwise Bullydog1982
Vixen98 Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 Sad, but true, he's just not that into you. In fact, it sounds like he may be into someone else. A guy that never calls but can always find the time to text is def. one of those things that make you go hmmm. More than likely, he has a live-in girlfriend and he is testing the waters with you to see if you're worth his time and/or present relationship. And unfortunately for you, he is still on the fence. Let me break it down for you. Guys are very competitive. They WILL go after what they want, and if a guy is acting lukewarm towards you, (ie. stringing you along, being COMPLETLY noncommital) chances are you just don't do it for him. Because if you did, trust me sweetie, you wouldn't be dealing with this bull**** right now. So my advice to you is chin up, chalk this one up to a lesson learned, and always be weary of a guy who texts more than he talks.
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