Baby_Sam Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 Hello, I'm trying to understand why would anyone think breaking up via text message would be acceptable? Two days ago I texted my now ex-boyfriend asking why he was ignoring me for 3 weeks. I asked him " are we still together?" and he replied "no I don't believe so." He then refused my offers to drive over to his house so we could break up properly. He said he wasn't going to tell me at all, and that he figured that I would "shrug my shoulders and find someone else". "I don't want to see you anymore." "What's there to talk about?" "We have nothing in common." "I don't really care." We've been together for two years. And I suddenly it's like it never happened. Honestly, I had thoughts of ending it during the last week or so because of his insensitivity. So if he had just met with me so we could just say goodbye things would be a lot easier. I guess I'm kind of young, we've been together since we were 17 and I'm 19 now. I've been to his family's parties and spent holidays and went on vacation together. There was a lot of good that was in the relationship and he was my first love. I wanted the end to be clean so we could always have the memories. I think what hurts the most is the questions I have that will possibly never be answered. One of the things I asked was if we would ever talk to each other again. and he replied "no" I haven't texted him since that day, but I still keep all the texts in my phone. I heard people say that you should trash things that reminds you of him but then I would have to strip the paint from my walls. This is my first relationship and I'm just having trouble coping. Yesterday I was a mess, but felt better after talking to friends. Today was okay until I took a nap and woke up laughing for some reason and found I was in my room alone.
JaggedRoad Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 Sounds like he found someone else. Forget him. He didn't even have the courage to tell you that the relationship is over. Do you really want to be with someone like him?
Lamak Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 He's just being a coward, plain and simple. Since you were thinking of breaking up with him before, focus on those negative things to help you move on. Hop on the NoContact train as well.
carhill Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 Hello, I'm trying to understand why would anyone think breaking up via text message would be acceptable? There is no rational reason, so you can assume that he is irrational Since you're both young, this is a really good lesson to learn, that everyone doesn't face unpleasant issues in the same way as you do. Finding compatibility in such matters will be important for you in a future serious LTR as you get older. For a relationship to work, even with compatibility, there must be effective communication. Even us oldsters get that wrong sometimes. Your friends and family will help you get through the emotional part. Hopefully, what you know currently will provide enough closure for you. BTW, I was married for almost a decade (currently divorcing) and my wife's family (and most of her friends) disappeared like a light switch turned off once we separated. So, at 50, it can be the same as at 19, except with more stuff getting moved. Hang in there. Each day brings new hope and opportunity. Best wishes
Author Baby_Sam Posted October 15, 2009 Author Posted October 15, 2009 Thank you. He was not a cheating type though. Too insecure, too awkward, and he took too long for him to accept that yes, I did like him back. I think he didn't want the confrontation, but I don't know and I probably never will. I'm on NC, but I still have him in my phone and his aim. It hasn't been tempting yet, but I just can't delete him like he did me. Anyway, thanks again guys, this site is actually helping a lot.
Kristy19 Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 I went through something similar and yeah it hurts but then I realized that I was probably too good for him anyways. I would recommend taking anything that reminds you of him out of your phone. It may hurt to do that but at the same time you're giving yourself a fresh start and a new beginning and it'll be for the best. You may not know it now but in the long run you will. As much as you want to contact him, don't. Don't do it, he probably expecting that. It's a lesson learned, unfortunately you had to find out the hard way just like I did. Keep you head up high and remember that something bigger and better is coming your way in a way you won't expect. If you feel like contacting him call or text your family or friends instead.
t0ri Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 My ex dumped me by changing his facebook relationship status and deleting our pictures and every mention of me, the first time. I had no idea what was going on and he refused to answer my calls. The second time he dumped me was through a text. So I know how you feel ((hugs)) They are cowards for ending a two year relationship like that! (I dated mine for 2 years also, also each other's first loves). I know my ex just didn't want to deal with the whole breakup conversation - he just wanted me to vanish from his life. Maybe yours is that way too. They took the easy way out - didn't have to see us cry, answer questions, explain themselves, fight, hear us plea (although I wouldn't have), etc. They wanted it done, and done quickly, obviously not considering our feelings. My ex also told me, "I want you out of my life forever," and he didn't want me to talk to him. I couldn't understand how he could want that. Then he contacted me several times later on...but that's a different topic. So ultimately, he did it through text because he's a coward, selfish, and a jerk. Talking with friends and family about it helped me, and posting here. I exercised a lot, focused on school, went out, met new people, pampered myself, and eventually my heart healed (just recently). It took me a long time to stop the endless questions, like why he dumped me, why he did it in such a horrible way, how could he just want me to disappear from his life, etc. You may never have those type of questions answered, but you get to a point where you just don't care anymore. Take care of yourself. You're young and have plenty of time for someone who appreciates you to come along and make you happy. Good riddance of a guy who couldn't take the time to break up with you properly.
Author Baby_Sam Posted October 18, 2009 Author Posted October 18, 2009 T0ri, thanks a lot. I really didn't think guys could be such inconsiderate cowards. And yes I think our situation was similar in that the guys did not want to deal with the confrontation. This is actually the second time he broke up with me. The first time he did actually broke up with me it it lasted two hours (we were sitting in his car and he actually wanted to talk about it) and ended with him crying and apologizing. Then we had a spring and summer together and now since it's getting cold again it's time for another breakup! Perhaps this time he didn't want want to see me cry but also allow himself to cry in front of me. It'll be a week on Monday and I have talked to him since. So far I think I'm doing pretty well. Though, some people keep telling me to find another guy RIGHT NOW. But right now I'm trying to get used to my own skin again.
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