Nextday44 Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 My Ex and I dated for 5 years, talks of marriage (I planned on proposing April '10), moved in together. I was an immature 23yr old ass, wanted to party with the boys all the time. This past spring she got a job out of town about 1hr away. I'm still in college, have 1 year left. She bought a house this summer and we moved in together. A month later we broke up. Our time apart, stresses from her job and my school, and also buying this house put a real strain on our relationship. Also I lost my job after a knee surgery, and had trouble finding another in the recession. I wasn't broke, but I certainly didn't have tons of money to spend on dates, and gifts. Our relationship pretty much dissolved, though we love each other deeply. So I could tell or relationship was rocky, but when we moved in together I decided I was going to give it 110%, I really love and care for her. I'm just not very emotional, and I have trouble expressing what emotions I do have. Just like every guy I suppose. We went on a vacation with her family for 6 days. Things were okay, but I could feel a void developing between us, I think her family sensed this as well. Return from vacation things get better for about a week, she comes home after lunch with her mom and says "I'm not happy". I didn't know what to do, I grabbed some of my things, didn't really say anything, and left. (We had broken up before about 2.5 years ago, worst experience of my life). I came back to talk to her a few days later, she asked if she was my best friend, I said yes, she asked if I was happy and said yes, and if I thought I could make her happy, I said that is all I wanted to do. We went on a "break" then she decided that she didn't want to be together. We had one lunch and dinner since then, she is also dating someone else now. But she came and saw me Thursday, hung out 5 hours had dinner, the next day she came to my work, then Wednesday the next week she calls me freaking out about her job, sounded really upset (I got worried, comforted her) she said she would call the next day. She calls and wants to casually talk, about work school stuff like that. I tell her that I didn't think we should talk anymore. She began to cry, and told me that she understood. I felt terrible, but did I do the right thing? I want her back, shes all I think and care about. But I want her to be happy more than anything. Is NC the right thing, or should I be there for her since that was one of the problems in relationship? Or is she just playing me? I feel like she is my true love, should I go after her? HELP HELP HELP, Sorry its so long, thank you sincerely if you help.
Author Nextday44 Posted October 15, 2009 Author Posted October 15, 2009 Thanks for all the feedback. I just need some answers preferably from women, but any answers would be greatly appreciated
Lamak Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 First off, fellow guy here. Anyway, that's one of the problems when you truly, love someone do you chase or let go? The thing you have to realize is that no matter what you feel, you have to let go. It shouldn't be your responsibility to chase after someone who is showing signs that they don't want you anymore. NC is the right thing to do here.
countingstarsagain Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 My Ex and I dated for 5 years, talks of marriage (I planned on proposing April '10), moved in together. I was an immature 23yr old ass, wanted to party with the boys all the time. This past spring she got a job out of town about 1hr away. I'm still in college, have 1 year left. She bought a house this summer and we moved in together. A month later we broke up. Our time apart, stresses from her job and my school, and also buying this house put a real strain on our relationship. Also I lost my job after a knee surgery, and had trouble finding another in the recession. I wasn't broke, but I certainly didn't have tons of money to spend on dates, and gifts. Our relationship pretty much dissolved, though we love each other deeply. So I could tell or relationship was rocky, but when we moved in together I decided I was going to give it 110%, I really love and care for her. I'm just not very emotional, and I have trouble expressing what emotions I do have. Just like every guy I suppose. We went on a vacation with her family for 6 days. Things were okay, but I could feel a void developing between us, I think her family sensed this as well. Return from vacation things get better for about a week, she comes home after lunch with her mom and says "I'm not happy". I didn't know what to do, I grabbed some of my things, didn't really say anything, and left. (We had broken up before about 2.5 years ago, worst experience of my life). I came back to talk to her a few days later, she asked if she was my best friend, I said yes, she asked if I was happy and said yes, and if I thought I could make her happy, I said that is all I wanted to do. We went on a "break" then she decided that she didn't want to be together. We had one lunch and dinner since then, she is also dating someone else now. But she came and saw me Thursday, hung out 5 hours had dinner, the next day she came to my work, then Wednesday the next week she calls me freaking out about her job, sounded really upset (I got worried, comforted her) she said she would call the next day. She calls and wants to casually talk, about work school stuff like that. I tell her that I didn't think we should talk anymore. She began to cry, and told me that she understood. I felt terrible, but did I do the right thing? I want her back, shes all I think and care about. But I want her to be happy more than anything. Is NC the right thing, or should I be there for her since that was one of the problems in relationship? Or is she just playing me? I feel like she is my true love, should I go after her? HELP HELP HELP, Sorry its so long, thank you sincerely if you help. I'm a 21 y/o female, going through a very similar situation. It could be that she is rethinking her previous decisions and is trying to work her way back into your life. I think limited contact would be a better route for you right now. It's hard to tell whether she's just stringing you along or sincerely wants you back in her life, so I would try to just talk to her sometimes. Don't make yourself overly-available. Don't get too emotionally involved either.
bluestraps Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Women want us to chase them anyway. But In this case what do you do when the ex finds someone else. Ive heard the "I'm not happy" before. Five years is a good ammount of time. She leaves, I think you need to wait and see if her relationship will end.
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